The following day, I stood in the empty courtyard impatiently. At noon precisely, Godoired Cazacu dragged our luggage down to the great hall. Grasping Mama's arm tightly, I trailed behind the deaf-mute servant. Mama sat upon her trunk and placidly folded her hands together. Her zombie-like movements startled me. I still did not know if she intended to accompany me to England. Furtively, I watched her, expecting her to bolt at any moment.
The hours ticked past without a sign of the one-eyed coachman. Perhaps he had a change of heart. When we first arrived at the train station, he showed an unwillingness to drive us. A frightened shadow hovered behind his one blurry red orb as he gazed upon us.
"Baron von Helfin assured me a conveyance would await us at the station," my mother stated imperiously. "Take us to the castle immediately." Stomping her foot, she held her ground.
Fog crept along the train platform, entwining our ankles with wispy fingers. Steam billowed from the waiting engine, and its wheels began slowly churning. In a moment, it would depart, leaving us to fend for ourselves.
"Either convey us to von Helfin castle or let us board the train before it departs," Mama continued imploringly.
The coachman swept off his cap and knotted it in his palms. The train chugged to attention and began to move. It gained speed, little by little, and left the small branch station.
"Women and young girls belong tucked up in their beds at this hour," the Romanian exclaimed in broken English.
"Nevertheless," Mama continued briskly. "Baron von Helfin awaits us. His letter…" She produced it from her patent leather purse. "…assures a coach will convey us immediately to his residence." She energetically shook the envelope beneath his bulbous nose.
"There is an inn only a few steps along the sidewalk, Madam," the attendant remarked, lifting one of our trunks. "I will gladly show you the way."
"You will gladly take us to Baron von Helfin." Purposely, Mama strode through the station and stopped before a rickety carriage.
"Yes, Madam," the one-eyed Romanian finally consented. He reluctantly held the door open, and we began the perilous journey up the steep crag.
I glanced furtively toward the hazardous roadway again and gnawed my lip. It remained empty.
"What's taking so long?" I peevishly demanded. Turning briskly upon Helga, I pushed my hands against my hips. "You did tell Godoired noon?"
"Ye…yes, Miss Norah," my companion responded hesitantly. "At twelve o' the clock, I said."
Twelve o' the clock, my mind raged—a statement that could imply noon or midnight. Silently, I marched toward the massive iron gate and grabbed the railings with tightened fists. I closed my eyes and reopened them. For a moment, I envisioned the carriage swinging around the last bend. Hopefully, I pressed closer to the gate. I blinked, and the vision dissipated. Tears hung from my lashes.
"I said 'noon' specifically," I moaned when Helga joined me at the gate. "Not twelve o'clock."
My companion stared at me, her pale moon face blank of expression. Then, an unseen point in the distance caught her attention.
"Am I still going with you?" the little maid finally asked, her voice a whisper.
I shot her a disdainful glance. My mind raged at her selfish attitude. I had only accepted Helga's company as a means of escape. Without her assistance, we would languish in Romania for the rest of our lives. Desperately, I wished to put the eerie castle and its occupants in my distant past.
"Yes, yes," I finally shot out, spinning upon her. "I promised. However, next time, follow my orders completely…exactly as I say."
"Yes, Miss." Helga bobbed a curtsey.
In the great hall, Mama continued to perch on her trunk. Her slim white hands moved to adjust her black bonnet. A ghost of her formal self, she accepted our departure meekly. At any moment, I expected her to change her mind.
"The coachman will arrive momentarily," I assured her. Grasping her icy hands tenderly, I sat beside her.
Mama would return to her usual self once we arrived in England. The fresh, clean air and familiar surroundings would certainly revive her strength. I hated to see her so drained of energy. In the past, her vivacious attitude kept the family going. When Papa struggled with his weekly sermons, she inspired him.
Her marriage to the Baron changed her dramatically. Listless, Mama roamed about the castle during the nighttime hours and slept the day away. I rarely saw her until Nicolai von Helfin departed on his hunting trip. When she did appear, her blue eyes seemed dull, and her expression remained undescriptive.
While we waited, I hoped to inspire her with holiday excitement. I expected the scenery would bring Mama out of her doldrums as we traveled westward. Methodically, I described our return journey on the Orient Express and the ferry crossing to Dover. She nodded optimistically.
"We should wire Aunt Mary and Aunt Dix before we cross the channel," I suggested confidently. "Perhaps they'll meet us at Paddington Station. We could spend a few days in London and…"
Mama turned her baleful eyes toward me. For a moment, I believed her lips twitched toward a smile. Then, it faded.
"I doubt very much whether Mary or Dix will greet us at the station, Norah," Mama muttered dismally. "Mary's never taken kindly to me, and Dix follows suit. They may not welcome us."
"Oh, but surely, Mama…" I began.
Over the years, we rarely visited Papa's old home. When we did, Aunt Mary greeted my father cordially and fussed over how much I had grown. Mama remained in the background, pensively observing. Aunt Dix attempted friendliness but generally followed her elder sister's lead.
"When your Papa…died…unexpectedly…" Mama paused for a moment to collect her thoughts. "I wrote to your Aunt Mary asking for assistance. She offered you a home and asked that I give you up entirely to her. I could not bear to part from my only child. We were left…" She gulped and continued, "...fend for ourselves."
I remained beside her, silently rubbing her cold hand. News of Aunt Mary's response shocked me. Cast out into the world, Mama accepted the only post she could obtain—governess to the von Helfin children. I felt sorry for her but also believed the time had arrived to admit defeat.
"I'm sure the Aunties will help us, Mama," I suggested encouragingly. "If they realize we are in trouble…"
"We are not in trouble," Mama tersely remarked. "I am happily married to Nicolai von Helfin. I agreed to a Christmas holiday in England. When it is over, I plan to return to Romania."
"Oh, Mama," I wailed, my shoulders sagging. "We cannot remain in this godforsaken place. We must…"
"Godforsaken, Norah?" my parent questioned dolefully. "You would renege upon the opportunity to live in a fine castle? To have a Baron as your stepfather?"
"I would renege on any opportunity that took us away from England, Mama," I sharply retorted.
Abruptly, I stood and faced her.
"Look, look around you, Mama," I hotly exclaimed. Waving my arms frantically, I indicated our dismal surroundings. "This is not a fairy tale castle. It's rundown and decrepit. Your beloved Baron slinks about as though half-alive. Workhouse children live better than the Baron's offspring. You cannot believe…"
Filled with disdain, I reapproached the wrought iron gate. The cragged roadway remained empty. No carriage, no escape. Tears glided down my cheeks, dripping off my chin.
ns 18.68.41.147da2
