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"So, who was he?” Kei asked in a soft tone.
”Who was who?” She looked at him confused.
”The one who broke your heart.” He turned to look at her. He didn’t miss the flash in her eyes.
”Oh..how did you—“
”I saw it in your eyes when I asked you this morning. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, I was just curious what would cause such sadness to cross those beautiful eyes of yours.”
Rena sat there for a moment wondering if she should tell him. He reminded her so much of him, making it hard to not spoil her heart. Of course she didn’t want to talk about him but at the same time, Kei gave her that same feeling he did. She felt like she could tell him anything, so she did.
“He… was my childhood friend. We met on the second anniversary of my mother’s passing. We were only seven years old, but somehow, he could see how lost I was. I felt so alone, no, I was alone, drifting in a darkness that I didn’t think I could escape. When my mom died, I was only five. I was left in the care of my grandmother, who didn’t want anything to do with me. On the day of the funeral, when we were home alone, she told me I was the reason my mother died. She said she despised me and only took me in because of the government. At five, I didn’t really understand her words, but they echoed in my mind more often than not. A year later, she started taking trips, leaving me at home, alone. I was left alone on the first anniversary of my mother’s death. That’s when I began to fall deeper into the darkness. My world had turned gray. I was on autopilot, drifting through the days, doing whatever I could to make sure I didn’t disappoint my grandmother because even if she hated me, she still gave me a place to stay. I should be grateful, right?”
Rena didn’t notice the tears that had started to fall. She had been staring at the ground in front of her, eyes unfocused. Suddenly, a white cloud invaded her vision. She blinked, clearing the blurry tears from her face, and focused on the white cloud in her line of sight. It wasn’t a cloud but a handkerchief. It had the initials K.T. on it. She reached out and looked up at Kei. He had a small smile on his face. One might think it was strange, but Rena knew. One thing she had learned was how to read people. His smile was there to comfort her, just like he always did. She used the handkerchief to wipe the tears from her face.
“I’m so sorry. I’m rambling on. This isn’t something you want to hear,” she sniffled.
Kei’s hand was suddenly on hers, giving it a squeeze. “Hey, it’s okay. Everyone has a past. Some aren’t as pretty as others. My childhood wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows either. Don’t feel like you’re oversharing. I would like to ask, though, have you talked to anyone else about your past?”
“N-no. I’ve never really had friends, and those who got close, I didn’t want them to look at me with pity,” she said quietly.
“I’m not a therapist, but sometimes talking through things like this can ease the burden.” He sighed as he released her hand to run it through his hair. “I say that, but I am just as guilty of keeping things to myself too. I guess I’ve been looking for a friend who would understand.”
“You’ve been looking for a friend? Aren’t you and Azul friends?” She chuckled lightly.
“Ha, that jackass. You really think he’d listen to someone trauma dumping? He has his own troubled past; I witnessed some of it. We aren’t really friends, but we did grow up together. We’re just working on the same case, so we’ve been forced to work together. Honestly, I think he hates my guts.”
“A case?” She raised an eyebrow out of curiosity.
“Uh, pretend you didn’t hear that. We can talk about that later. You were telling me about the guy who broke your precious heart.”
“Dang, thought you’d forget about it,” Rena joked a little.
“Nope. I want to help you piece it back together, even if it’s just as a friend.” Kei smiled, scooting closer to her and holding out his hand for her to grab.
She looked down at it and then back up to his honey-brown eyes.
“It’s nothing weird, I promise. Just a hand, so you know you aren’t alone,” he said softly.
“Wow, you can be surprisingly sweet.” She smiled as she took his hand and continued her story.
“Anyway, another year went by, and like I said, I was alone more often than not. Sometimes for weeks at a time. Before I knew it, the second anniversary came around. I went down to the lake to listen to the waves because it was too silent at the house. My grandmother had forbidden music in the house, so the silence made the loneliness even harder. The waves were like a soft melody that I would lose myself in, but that day they were quiet. It was almost deafening how quiet it was. The loneliness was seeping in, but the silence was broken with a voice. His voice. First, he broke the silence, then he broke the shade over my eyes. The gray shield I had up was shattered by his beautiful emerald green eyes.
His grandparents lived across the street, so every weekend he would be there, coming over to just be my friend. The summers were the best because he would stay for weeks at a time. I wasn’t lonely anymore. My world wasn’t gray anymore. So naturally, I fell in love with him. I didn’t really realize what kind of love it was until later, though. At first, I thought it was just friendly love. I had never seen real romantic love, so I just assumed it was a simple love, a result of him just being my only friend. I was probably fourteen when I realized it was a special kind of love, but of course, I didn’t act on it. I was scared that if I made it more, and if he didn’t feel the same way, it would ruin everything we had. I valued his friendship more than I wanted to be in a romantic relationship with him. Because if he didn’t love me the way I loved him and it ruined our friendship, I would be alone again. I would drown in my darkness once more. So I kept it to myself, but I was wrong. I was so very wrong.
One day, I woke up and heard him arguing with my grandmother. I knew my grandmother hated him. She thought he was a distraction and refused to let me hang out with him. I did anyway, and she knew it but never said anything about it. So I wasn’t surprised they were arguing, but I heard him raise his voice at her. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but I jumped out of bed and went to see what the commotion was about. I never learned what they were talking about. He just grabbed my hand, and we took off. The day was amazing, even though we just did things we normally did, just knowing that he ‘kidnapped’ me in front of my grandmother gave me a thrill. That night is when it all changed, though.”
“Wait, don’t tell me he re—” Kei started to say, but Rena interrupted him.
“No. Quite the opposite, actually,” she smiled, but tears still started to fall down her cheeks.
“He told me he loved me and then he kissed me. It shocked me speechless, literally. When I tried to say something back, he stopped me. He told me that he was leaving. He had something he needed to do and that if I told him what he thought I was going to say, he wouldn’t be able to leave. He was in tears; I’d never seen him cry. He told me to save it for when he came back. I was so confused and angry. It was unfair that he got to say it and wouldn’t let me say it. So when he offered his hand to walk me back home, I refused it. I said I wanted to stay by the lake for a while, but really, I was just frozen, overwhelmed by my emotions. I was ecstatic that he said he loved me. I was tingling from the feeling when he kissed me. But I was also angry. Angry he wouldn’t let me say it back. I was sad he would be gone for a while. I could already feel the loneliness. I didn’t miss the heartbroken look on his face when I refused to take his hand. And then he walked away, telling me he’d be back in three years. After graduation, he’d come back for me.
I sat there for a while thinking until I realized I made a mistake. I should have taken his hand so I could have told him my feelings through our touch. I ran faster than I’d ever run before, but I was too late. When I reached the house, he was already in the car driving away.
So I waited. It hurt, but I just held on to the words he said. Replaying them in my mind to keep me strong. Three years went by, graduation came and went, but he never showed. I still waited, though, another eight months, but he never came. I decided that wherever he went, he must have forgotten about me or moved on. I was just a simple childhood crush. We were older, so he probably found someone else. So I packed my bags and came down here.
I don’t do dates because I’m still healing and I don’t want to lead someone on when my heart is somewhere else. I spent years loving him, and I still love him. It’s not easy to just toss it away.” Her small tears had turned into a stream. She felt a weight lift off her shoulders, but it still hurt.
Kei released her hand, and she instantly felt cold and alone for a moment, but then she suddenly felt warmth. Kei had wrapped her in a hug, holding her against his chest. He was lightly rubbing her back.
“No one is telling you to toss it away. In fact, you shouldn’t. Hold on to those years. Those are the years he healed you. If you toss them away, you toss away him and who he helped you become. Whatever the reason he didn’t come back, don’t hold it against him. I’m sure he wouldn’t want you to sulk and feel sorry for yourself. Even if he moved on, he wouldn’t want you to drift back into the darkness. It’s okay if you aren’t ready to move on from loving him, but don’t shut people out. Let your friends be there for you. Let them be the new colors in your world. They are some pretty bright people anyway.” He chuckled. “Now then, hand me your phone.”
“What? Why?” she said, sniffing through tears as she pulled her phone out of her pocket.
He flicked her forehead. “Because I’m putting my number in it. We’re friends now whether you like it or not, kid.”
“Hey, I said don’t call me kid,” she said with a pout.
“Yeah, but you’re a little crybaby right now, so you deserve it.” He chuckled as he typed his information in.
“Oi, shut up! I’m not a crybaby.” She smacked him on the arm.
“Okay, okay. Anyway, if you ever need anything, don’t hesitate to call or shoot me a text. I’ll fly right over.” He smiled.
“Fly right over? Do you have hidden wings or something?” she asked, leaning to look at his back.
“No, but that’d be pretty sweet. Birds are my favorite animal, after all.” He smiled as he stood up. “Come on, let’s go get some ice cream.
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