The astroturf of the Alamodome formed beneath CK’s feet. The field spread out before him until the stadium encompassed him fully. “Nothing fancy, huh?”
“Not exactly.” The voice came from behind.
He turned to face Miss Fasano. What he saw knocked him off his feet. “Holy sh—” he stumbled backward and fell.
“I’m not that bad looking, am I?”
“It’s just that, how did you—?”
“My apologies. I could have warned you, but I thought it would be more fun this way.”
“Fun? Justus H. Cripes, woman.”
“Mind your language, Mr. Campbell. Is that any way to speak to a lady?”
“But you’re not a lady! You’re me!”
“Only on the surface.” Miss Fasano raised an arm and inspected the virtual body of CK Campbell. “On the inside, I assure you I’m all woman.”
CK stared at an identical version of himself, except with the voice of Miss Fasano. “Um—”
“That came out weird.”
“Yeah. Try hearing it from my perspective.” CK stood.
“Anyway, you’re actually using my blank KIP. I hacked yours.”
“Why, if you don’t mind me asking, would you do such a thing, ma’am?” He added the respectful title as an afterthought.
“I’m a scientist.” She shrugged using CK’s virtual self. “I’m doing what scientists do. I couldn’t find the problem from the outside, so I thought I would look for it from a different perspective.”
“Okay. I guess. What now?”
She slapped CK’s virtual chest twice. A football shot out from the player tunnel. It sailed past her and landed twenty yards away.
To keep from laughing out loud, CK jogged over to fetch it. He handed it to her. “You’re supposed to catch it.”
“Yes, well, I’m new to all this, remember? That’s why I needed you to show me the ropes.”
“Right, so what do you want to know?”
“How to throw a seam route like the one you did this morning.”
CK nodded.
Lonni spoke to the program. “Game plan, September 23rd, decelerate 50%.”
CK jumped out of the way as the offensive line appeared. Half speed rendered them nearly motionless. “I think I’m starting to understand you, Miss Fasano.”
“Oh?”
“Everything is research.”
“You’re catching on. Now show me what you did this morning. I want to experience everything just the way you did.”
“You sure about that?” CK asked.
“Absolutely. In the name of science.”
“Okay, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Lonni rolled her eyes. “It’s two plays, in a virtual reality. I think I’ll survive.”
“Okay.” CK stepped closer, until he rubbed elbows with his virtual doppleganger. “To start the program, you’ll need to place the back of your hand right up under here.”
“Okay. Then what?” Lonni’s voice wavered slightly.
“Then you’ll take the snap and fall back three steps. I’ll guide you from there.”
She nodded and reached out her hands. “Like this?”
“Don’t be shy. Get on in there, or else you’ll bobble the snap and one of these fat guys will crush you while you’re trying to pick it up.” He guided her hands under Mohawk Kaʻanāʻanā’s rump. The program sprang slowly into action—everything at half speed.
Lonni focused on clamping the ball in both hands. Deliberately she counted three large steps backwards.
“Good. Now you need to recognize the linebacker blitz coming around the left and hit your hot route before you get killed.”
Lonni barked as she noticed the outside linebacker lunging around the line and felt her right tackle collapsing.
“Pump the ball toward the left sideline.”
“What the ball?”
“Too late, throw it to Deonte.” CK pointed. “Number 87. Just throw it at the umpire’s head.” He moved over to chip the incoming linebacker while wondering if Lonni had fixed the program to overlook the offense having two quarterbacks.
Lonni stepped into the throw and threw a bullet at the Umpire. It knocked off his hat and fell incomplete as Deonte laid out but couldn’t make the catch. Lonni pinballed as the right tackle and defensive end fell into her. “Hey, watch it!”
CK laughed. “I didn’t say to actually hit the umpire in the head.”
“I just did what you said. It was your arm that threw the ball.”
“Okay, okay.” He helped her up. “You gotta get up for the next play.”
“No, I need you to run the first one again, or else the next play won’t work the same.”
“Good point.”
Lonni dusted off her backside. She froze when she realized her hand was on CK’s virtual butt.
CK squelched a chuckle. “Try not to think about it.”
“Right.” She cleared her throat. “Game plan, September 23rd, decelerate 50%.”
“Why not realtime?” CK asked.
“I need to observe.”
CK shrugged and took his stance under center. Everything started over. He jogged through the motions—pump faked the blitzing linebacker and completed a lazy pass over the head of the umpire to Deonte Martin.
“Okay, now I’ll run the next play.” Lonni stepped in.
“Do what I do.” CK motioned for his teammates to line up again, no huddle.
Lonni mimicked him well enough.
“Get ready. After the snap, the strong safety—”
“Who?”
“That guy,” CK pointed. “He’s going to break through the line unblocked. Pretend to hand the ball off to this guy lined up behind you. Then run to your right. After that, you’re gonna have to pucker up until number eighty-five gets to the opposing forty yard line. Then heave a pass just over his right shoulder.” CK gestured at the center. “Get ready for the ball.” He gave the quick count, and Mohawk hiked the ball.
Lonni executed everything well enough until the strong safety got within a few yards. “When is eighty-five going to get to the forty?!”
“One more second. Okay, now! Throw it!”
She half-stepped and muscled the ball with too much arm, pulling her hand out of the way before it collided with the incoming defensive end. “Help me!”
CK knocked the safety off balance before he could crush Lonni at half speed. She bounced off the defensive end and hit the ground hard.
After the dust settled, CK turned his attention downfield. “Son of a—”
“What the hell was all that?”
“I can’t believe it.”
“I can’t believe it either? Is this how it always is?”
“Not that.” CK helped her up. “You completed the pass.”
“I did what?” Lonni seemed confused.
“The forward pass. You know, it’s a football play. You just scored a touchdown, ma’am.”
“Don’t call me ma’am! I just got knocked over by some half-speed, lumbering neanderthal.”
“Yes you did. But after the game, you won’t remember that. You’ll remember the six points.” CK smiled.
“Really? Is it a big deal? I mean, the pass I just completed—the pass you just completed—on a scale of one to ten with ten being the most difficult—”
“A nine,” CK said.
“Really?”
“Only a handful of quarterbacks in the league can complete that pass under those conditions.”
“Interesting.” Lonni mused.
“What?”
“You just did it as a girl.”
ns 15.158.61.8da2
