Water is important. its life. It's what keeps us going. It's what keeps all living things alive.
But it's also death. A body which can swallow you to its darkest insides, ripping your soul out of your body ever so mercilessly as it pulls into an oblivion.
A black hole you could never leave.
As I tell you this, I feel my lungs screaming for air, my heart breaking through the very brittle bones of my rib cage, my head stiff as though it's being squeezed. all the while the black strands of my hair were swimming freely, carelessly, just as I had been once before.
I didn't see it coming, though.
I didn't see his unfaithfulness, or her betrayal. I thought he was my love, the very person who I'd waited for my whole life. The very person which the slow-beating heart had once rapidly beat for.
I thought she was my best friend, the sister I've always wanted but never had.
I thought these two were the family I'd lost so early in life.
Oh, how unbearable betrayal can be! An anchor latched onto your heart, pulling down to your stomach every time you remember it. So I chose to save myself.
We were on a boat, as it was our four year anniversary. We'd decided to go on a cruise along with some friends for the night. We planned to spend the night just partying and playing, but as I was inside playing slap jack with some friends, I noticed that my best friend and husband were both gone.
Strange coincidence? Not at all.
When I left for the deck, I saw them, doing what lovers do. What I was doing with him just a few hours before.
It hurt. It hurts so much that I couldn't go back and meet any of my other friends, that I felt my entire world darken and shrink so small. And so as I stood on the opposite side, their moans and giggles filling my ears, tears streamed down my cheeks in an attempt to cool off the fire burning my heart, I walked closer to the tip of the boat.
One step. Another step. One last step.
And I fell so freely into the water, wishing the waves would carry me but knowing that I was too worthless for even that. If I had been somewhat useful, I would've kept my man from cheating. I am the reason he did what he did, and I deserve to pay for it.198Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ11YIJq49p3
The waves didn’t hold me, my friends didn’t call after me, or perhaps they did but the cold ocean waters covered my ears.
I was alone, slowly sinking to the darkest depths of this oblivion that I so feared, restraining my limbs from making any movement in an attempt to save myself.
I would very much rather the ocean take my life than grief. Because grief hurts. It's painful, constantly stabbing at your heart with every breath you take.
And slowly but surely, I feel my heart let out its last beats, my lungs whisper goodbye, and my mind shut down. I close my eyes and smile.
It feels so good when it's over.
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