Holly’s smile grew wider. “Doctor Calthorpe will see you now.”
I tried to smile back and kept my eyes locked on her face. “Thanks.”
I stepped to the side and hoped it didn’t look like I was stepping around an imaginary person as I headed to the doctor’s office.
“Hey! I know you saw me. Where are you going? Don’t ignore me! I need your help. No one else can see me.”
I cringed, but kept walking.
Not now, not now, not now.
He was going to ruin everything.
I followed Holly down the hallway with the ghost trailing behind, trying to get my attention, but I couldn’t let on that I could see him or hear him. Everything depended on the next few minutes.
I tried to calm my nerves. Took a deep breath. Let it out slowly.
Spirits looked like regular people to me, but they gave off a different energy than the living. This guy’s energy was completely different to anything I’d ever felt before. I couldn’t explain it.
I tried to act normal, like my emotions weren’t trying to swallow me whole. Like he wasn’t about to ruin everything I’d spent so long cultivating.
Holly’s smile faded a little. “Don’t look so worried. You got this.” The smile went back up to full brightness.
I gave a half-smile back. “Thanks.”
As I entered Dr Calthorpe’s office, Mr Newbie followed me. He would’ve been able to just walk through the closed door anyway, but he wouldn’t know that if he didn’t know he was dead.
Dr Calthorpe smiled. “Hello, Maddelyn. How are you today?”
He gestured for me to sit down in one of the comfy chairs in front of his desk.
I lowered my butt into the seat. “Hi, Doc. I’m good. How are you?”
“Well, thank you.” His response sounded automatic, like he was bored already.
Mr Newbie stood with his back to the desk and his body was blocking half of my view of the doctor. “Stop pretending you can’t see me!”
My eyes stayed glued to the doctor’s face.
“I wanted to speak to you about your progress,” Dr Calthorpe said. I swallowed the lump in my throat. “We’ve seen good results from you, especially in recent weeks,” he continued. “I’ve been pleased with what I’ve seen and what I’ve heard from the staff.”
Mr Newbie inched closer to my leg. “What’s wrong with you? Why won’t you look at me? What’s going on? Why won’t someone tell me what’s happening?”
I tried not to react.
Don’t look at him. Don’t look at him.
Those tears threatened again. It was sad that someone so young was dead. I was reminded of how fragile life was. How easily it could be snuffed out.
I tried to concentrate on what the doc was saying, but it was almost impossible.
Mr Newbie moved toward the far wall of the office and ran a hand through his hair, then turned to look at me. “I don’t know what happened to me. I don’t know how I ended up like this. I can’t remember anything. I can’t even remember my own name. I don’t know if it’s just some weird spell. I don’t know of any cloaking spell that mutes sound as well…”
Weird spell? Cloaking spell? What?
Dr Calthorpe frowned. “You’re very quiet. That’s not like you.”
Yeah. He had a point. I usually talked about anything and everything when I was in here. Maybe because I always felt like I was under a microscope.
I tried to keep focused on the desk in front of me. “I… I’m just nervous.”
The doctor rubbed his chin. “Yes. You said that, but there’s no need to be nervous. It’s all just standard procedure.”
I tried to remember what I’d planned to say. “I’ve been feeling a lot better these last few weeks and Nurse Holly has been very understanding and has helped me with my anxiety over my scars. The staff here are amazing and I’ll miss them and the patients when I go home.” I paused to gauge his reaction, but got nothing. “I feel I’m ready to go home now. I want to work on my relationship with Mum and look for a new job.”
All of it was true, except that there was one staff member that was so far from amazing that I cringed just thinking about her. I would not miss her.
Mr Newbie stepped forward. “Talk to me!”
Your eyes are naturally drawn to movement, especially in your peripheral vision. It’s a self-preservation thing. So I nearly blew it.
I was proud of my self-control.
He lunged forward and waved a hand in front of my face and I flinched. “Look at me!”
No. Don’t do it. Just concentrate. You got this.
If I did look, I knew the anguish in his eyes would be too much. I felt the sting of tears again and looked toward the wall of certificates next to me. It was safer to not look at either of them.
“Please. You gotta help me. If you know what’s going on, just tell me. If you can see through the cloak, do you know how to remove it?”
What is he talking about?
Dr Calthorpe leaned forward. “How are you feeling right now, Maddelyn?”
How am I feeling? Like my head’s going to explode. “Ah, good, thanks.”
“You don’t sound very sure.”
That’s because I’m not. “I’m good. Really. It’s cool.”
I tried to keep my breathing even, but I was failing.
Just a little longer. I just need to concentrate on the doctor. On what he’s saying.
Dr Calthorpe asked me a few more questions and I was able to answer them in between Mr Newbie’s outbursts, but it was getting more difficult by the second.
Mr Newbie finally sat on the seat next to me. I could see him put his head in his hands in my peripheral vision.
I wanted to help him — it was almost like a compulsion — but I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t help him right now. Not without messing everything up for myself. Why did he have to show up right now?
“Maddelyn?”
“Hmm? I mean, pardon?” Dr Calthorpe must have said something and I didn’t hear it. Damn.
“You seem distracted.”
“I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“I asked if you’d spoken to your mother recently.”
There was a pang in my chest. “Oh, yeah. I spoke to her yesterday. She’s doing well, I suppose. It’s been hard for her without me. It’s always been just the two of us and we’ve never been apart.”
“Yes. She’s had a tough time of it, especially right after the accident. She’s handling things a lot better now.”
That was true, but she also seemed more distant than ever. I wasn’t sure what I could do to get our relationship back to where it used to be. I knew I would forgive her for letting them put me in here. It would be good again. I just had to get home.
Mr Newbie walked over to the corner of the room near the window, his back to me, his broad shoulders hunched forward.
“Yeah.”
“And you seem to be handling things better now, too.”
Mr Newbie hadn’t moved.
From the corner of my eye I saw Dr Calthorpe lean back in his chair. “Do you think I should buy a cowboy hat?”
Mr Newbie really looked defeated. The guilt was eating at me. A little voice in my head was telling me to help him.
“Yeah.”
My heart was like a heavy stone in my chest as I imagined how bad he must be feeling. And I was a bitch for pretending I couldn’t see him.
“Are you listening to me?”
“Yeah. Sure, Doc.”
“I suspect that you’re telling us what you think we want to hear so we will release you.”
Oh, crap.
That got my attention.
It dawned on me that I’d been sitting there openly staring at Mr Newbie and I dragged my eyes away from him. “Oh, I would never do that.”
“What were you looking at?”
My eyes were drawn back to the heart-wrenching sight. Mr Newbie’s last hope draining out onto the floor. “Your terrible decor. When did you last update? Nineteen-seventy?”
Mr Newbie suddenly turned around as if he’d felt me looking at him. “You can see me! I knew you could. Please help me! I don’t know what’s going on.”
The anguish on his face nearly did me in and my eyes darted back to Dr Calthorpe. Mr Newbie was going to get me in trouble, but he looked so lost and broken.
He stepped forward. “Why won’t you help me? You’re the only person who has acknowledged my existence since I woke up and found myself in this nightmare and you’re just gonna sit there?”
Don’t look. Don’t look. Don’t answer.
I bit my lip so I wouldn’t speak and stared at the desk.
“Maddelyn? Are you feeling okay?”
My eyes snapped to the doctor’s face. How was I going to get through this? “Um, yeah. I’m fine.”
Mr Newbie suddenly strode over and leaned down in my face again. “Talk to me, dammit!”
I instinctively shrank back away from him. My mouth opened, but no words came out.
“I need your help,” he said. “I can’t work out if this is a cloaking spell or something else. I’ve lost my memory. I don’t even know who I am.” He ran a hand through his hair. “What’s your ability? Can you see through cloaks and glamours? Do you know how to reverse this spell so I can at least be seen and heard?”
“What? What are you talking about?”
Maybe he’d been a patient here because he wasn’t making an ounce of sense. He had to be delusional if he thought magic was real.
“I—” He frowned. “Don’t tell me you don’t know what you are.” He ran a hand down his face and squeezed the bridge of his nose. “This can’t be happening.”
I saw movement in my peripheral vision.
Uh, oh. My eyes flicked to Dr Calthorpe and my heart thudded in my chest. I’d blown it. There was no way of explaining this that made sense.
I could see it in the doctor’s eyes. That look of pity that says I’m broken and he can help me.
“Will you help me? You’re the only person who can see me.” Mr Newbie’s eyes were pleading. His lip trembled.
“I can’t…” I whispered. Help you.
The doctor was saying something to me. I couldn’t make out the words, but the look on his face said it all. I’d seen that look before. And I knew what it meant. I wasn’t going home.
I glanced from one man to the other and stood. “I…”
I rushed to the door and flung it open.
Dr Calthorpe got to his feet. “Maddelyn! Come back. Let’s discuss this.”
Too late.
I ran down the hall and through the rec room and out into the garden with tears blurring my vision, cursing myself for messing up and cursing the ghost for pushing me to it.
I didn’t stop until I’d reached my usual spot, nestled in amongst some small bushes that hid me from the view of anyone inside or out on the verandah. It was where I usually sat when I talked to Mr J and Mrs C.
That’s when the tears really started and I sat on the grass with my knees up to my chest and my arms wrapped around my legs.
I was never getting out of here.
“What’s wrong?” Mr Newbie had followed me, because of course he had.
I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t.
All my plans had slipped away into the ether.
All this time I was so careful not to be seen talking to people who were supposedly figments of my imagination. And it was all for nothing. I’d blown it in less than ten minutes.
How was I ever going to get out of here? They would never believe me now, even if I spent the next six months pretending that I couldn’t see the spirits of the dead. This had made going home impossible. He had just sentenced me to a life of a quiet, controlled existence in a mental institution when I wasn’t even crazy.
I could really see spirits. I knew I could. I wasn’t delusional like they believed. Right?
The thought of spending another six months in here made me cry harder. I couldn’t stand it for one more day. I had to get out of here now.
Mr Newbie was still talking, but I wasn’t listening.
How could I fix this?
There was no way to fix this. I had to give up on my dream of freedom. Of a normal life.
Heat rose in my chest and I narrowed my eyes at him. “This is all your fault.”
“What? What did I do?”
“You’ve just damned me to a lifetime of being stuck in a mental institution when I’m not crazy!”
“What? How did I do that?”
“You talked to me. You made me talk back. I was trying to prove I wasn’t crazy and you had to come running in and ruin it. Now they think I’m being delusional again and they’ll never let me out!”
“Delusional? What are you talking about? Why does seeing me make you delusional?”
“Because you’re dead!”
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Author's Note: That’s a bit harsh, Maddie!
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