x
We all headed to the dining room. I sat beside father at the head of the table and kept my gaze on my legs, trying to be obedient like my mother prefers. I hope this will increase my chances of participating in the art competition without any objections from her. The room was filled with sounds, mostly people asking about Aiden and his family.
I intentionally hope they forget what just happened, I’m used to pretending to be strong in front of everyone. How I shouldn’t look at my legs while walking, and how I should always stick to a specific kilogram. How I have a dirty room, and that I could probably swim in all the clothes lying everywhere. Little me was stubborn, and no matter what happened she never gave up being rebellious. in the end, I developed a habit of caring about what others think more than me, and even though it hurts me and makes me cry my eyes out at night. I would never allow myself to change.
Father’s black, Grey dusted moustache stands out as he lifts the corner of his lips, making me chew on my bottom lips. his nose wrinkled while his eyes dilated scanning my nervous face.
Damn it, why the hell did he make me sit next to him
Asher hit my back, whispering “relax” while clearing his throat and leaving to sit at the opposite chair, right in front of me.
“Congrats sis, feels like yesterday we were just kids playing despite that you were always punished, anyway hope your marriage passes peacefully without anyone running away.” Astra’s snide voice and sarcastic words made my nostrils flare and my pupils bigger. Typical Astra, always acting like she’s better than everyone and thankfully Aiden looks like he doesn’t care about this family conversation. but why does she mean?
and before Asher could even reply I took the job by replying.
“what do you mean?”
Suddenly, I felt my eyes on the brick of tears, as I looked around searching for an exit. please don’t do this to me.
“Adely is not ready to get married, so shut the hell up Astra and stop saying nonsense ” Asher stood up, his voice booming in the room. with me only feeling bad for the trouble he might get into.
“how dare you talk to my wife this way? your sister is the one who needs someone to control her” Astra’s Romeo, husband, stood up flushed with anger.
“you don’t-”
“Asher, don’t !” Mom barked, making them fight even more.
“Silence!, sit all of you” Dad orders, while everyone obeys. My temple throbbed as I was filled with pure torture. I have a feeling I know where this is going.
Silence filled the room as Father resumed sliding his knife through the steak, looking as calm as the cucumber that sat on that table. I stood up infuriated, throwing the napkin on my lap away.
“I’m not—”
“Oh, so sorry dear I didn’t know, but even if you’re oblivious to the fact that YOU ARE GETTING MARRIED soon. A fact is still a fact” my mother growled, her words making my heart race, while my skin quivered with intense hatred and bitterness I felt the blood drain from my face, as the tragic news made my eyes dilate when I blinked them away.
“Sister, I think it’s time to accept your fate coz Father said no one has a say in this, or do you want him to break his word because you’re always acting like a child” Astra smirked, slaughtering my dream with her words, trying to make me feel hopeless, helpless. deceived by fortune that was forced on me from the day mother got pregnant with me.
She just continued eating, letting me boil
“No, Adeline is an adult and I had promised she would stop her immature action. ‘' Mom growled. Asher looked at me covering his hands thinking that he was helpless, he knew about this and didn’t tell.
“I am not getting married, I have other plans for my future” I stood while holding my head high, this time not to be an elegant lady but to show my confidence. “I don’t need anyone deciding what’s best for me”
“Sit Adeline you’re embarrassing yourself’’ Mom added with a threatening tone and a death stare, ignoring what I said.
“It’s Marriage you know, don’t you think this isn’t something anyone gets a say in but her” Asher growled, and now I was wondering what the hell am I doing, deep down I knew Father’s word couldn’t be broken.
“Asher shut up please, don’t ruin this for your sister” Mom scolded Asher.
“Shut up and listen” Dad instructed, aloofness and invulnerability in his voice. his eyes are concentrated on his plate, his face is pale as usual, he is serious and this isn’t good. “You are getting married when we travel next week to Sphinx Cross for the summer, and yes there is no say in this as I think you’re mature and ready enough for this”
“I’m sorry Adeline, but this is the way things go and you have to accept it” his calmness didn’t fail to make my body shake threatening to break down instantly, in front of Aiden whose eyes were glued to me along with everyone.
He cleared his throat trying as hard to prevent eye contact with me. My heart twists roughly radiating fear in my rib cage, shaking my skin and organs upon thinking of what my life would be like. Even though I try to convince myself that there is a way to convince him.
“But don’t worry you’ll be studying at the university there. You can’t be one of the Archs and not enter a good college,” he took another bite of his steak, clearly trying to arrange words to continue after swallowing. I stood there in astonishment, with devastation projected on my face, this is not happening right now.
Oh thank you, how generous can you be father
he looked annoyed by something, moving his lips around trying to get something out, he let down his fork and waved for the maid to come. I felt my eyebrows frown in disgust at his coldness and actions, he was ruthless, arrogant and bossy.
“Next time I want it a little overcooked ” he whispered to the maid as he took the plate. the only thing I could think about was breaking the stupid plate over their faces.
“no” if I didn’t say anything in the next two seconds, I would have to forget about the art competition and these two letters are the only thing I managed to get out of my mouth, really Adely. at least I was able to break his happiness with my little protest, a small exasperated sigh he let out as evidence. followed by Mother who thought the argument was finished and I didn’t allow her to have peace. Miss, I’m better than anyone looked like she had some kind of a headache because of me, and Damn it, why the hell does Aiden have to see all this?
“I want to enter the art competition held this year,” I said trying as hard to ignore their looks ‘you shouldn’t care about what people think’ and abruptly my mind decided to act better than itself.
Father, the coldest man on earth, is humble enough to leave the fork and give me some attention, but can’t even lift his face to look at me.
“Adeline, we don’t do such things. You have everything you want here” I folded my arms and took the offended attitude ready for him to cut the silence and continue “Why would you enter a competition, work hard and maybe humiliate yourself just for the same amount of money you get every week” he looked up at me finally his eyes met mine.
“Don’t you think focusing on your future husband and other things is much more important” he continued slight wave of anger in his tone.
Wait, is he pointing out my looks? did he just insult me?
“Art is the only thing I love dad, I don’t care about the price I just want to pursue my passion. please, Dad, it’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted” I pleaded, adding some sympathy in the last sentence. I lowered my head to the ground insecure about what I would say next “You can’t just marry me off and not ask what I want. Marriage is something big, I can’t just marry someone I don’t even know ” I continued hoping he would show me some mercy and understand.
“My reputation and wealth are the only things you’re supposed to love, they should be your top priority. What if you lost? what if you made a fool of yourself and of us, there is no way I’m allowing someone like you to destroy what I spent years building!” Dad yelled with his chair falling upon him angrily standing, making my body quiver threatening to break down instantly. This can’t be freaking happening.
Art has always brought me happiness. I remember the first time Mr Archer, Aiden’s father, placed a set of sharp, wooden coloured pencils in front of me. As he moved the pencils across the paper, the heavenly pigments appeared on the page. The captivating mix of colours and the magical results that emerged made me want to enter the paper and live in it. The memory of that feeling is still as vivid as it was yesterday.
it’s my happiness, it’s the only thing I lived to do. He can’t just take it away.
He let out a small hump as three of the maids ran to put the chair back in its place. he sat down and tangled his fingers together forming a fist with both hands “We’re going to sphinx cross first thing in the morning and you’re going to follow anything I tell you”
“I said—”
“I’m not asking for your permission Adeline- sit freaking down, I’m telling you what’s going to happen soon and that’s that” he yelled one last time before Astra harshly grabbed my hands and sat me down they’re all looking at me, scanning and judging. it won’t take long for the maids present to spread the word of my humiliation amoung each other. I wanted to storm into my room, but making my father angrier isn’t an advantage here.
A haze of shock surrounded me, with each word I remembered my heart ached and shattered in my chest. my mind was igniting fiercely with thinking what is coming, emotions burning with misery,
“marrying who dear?”
“Leander Nate howler”
“Himself, I bet you guys are going to get a good deal with him and his father. Try your best to stay on these guys’ good side”
“Magnus is an old friend of the family”
“Yeah I remember them”
They’re all proudly talking, pretending to be oblivious to what just happened.
I don’t how dinner passed with all of them simply talking about how great a businessman my future prince is or how lucky I will be for having such an intelligent, handsome husband. I sat there unable to even hold a spoon, Father’s miserable words surrounding my heated thoughts, piercing my soul and increasing my loads. Rage filled my veins and ignited my pride. In a moment of pique, my eyes were red and smoke came out of my nostrils, almost like a medieval dragon. I’m not obeying him.
“Adely, forget whatever father said. I’m sure a lot was going on with him to say all this. please eat something.” Asher’s benevolent voice cut my contentious overthinking, as he pushed a plate of curry on my bed, right next to my curled body.
my arms were wrapped protectively around my curled body, covered with a lavender furry blanket. “oh, come on, we’re going to spend a nice vacation. I promise you I won’t allow anyone to hurt you little Adely. I’ll always be there for you little sis. the howlers are generous and there are your father’s old best friends”
“I met them once they have Magus Howler has four…three children. Sphinx is a beautiful place and you’ll love it there.”
“Asher leave, go sit with your friend. I’m not going even if your father killed me. if he wants war with me I’ll willingly take the invitation. I just can’t believe how could he be so cruel ” my naive resentful voice replied daringly. When I was actually clueless, I had no idea what I do.
“Calm down, were not Vikings. Your stubbornness will lead you to nothing sis. Just this time try to listen to him and let us see what happens, we all want what’s best for you. Give Leander a chance if you don’t like him no one will force you.” he stood up, opening the closed button of his blazer, his hands went on his hips as he switched his expression to worried.
I know he’s trying to assure me, to make me feel safe as he always did. He’s always been there for me, but this time is different, it’s not just a broken vase or the one who got detention at school. It’s marriage, it’s that I won’t be so close to him, it’s that i will lose my dream, it’s like that I will go from one prison to another.
“Your father can force me, Asher, so stop telling me bullshit you know for no one can stand against him, not even you Asher. so just please stop” I hide my face in the blanket, not wanting to see his reaction, I just hope he didn’t get upset.
Father’s words echoed through my head, as I jumped off the bed, slammed my bedroom door and yanked my little drawer against it.
I can’t allow anyone to hear me.
Tears welled up in my eyes and began streaming down my cheeks like rivulets, with the pitter-patter of Asher’s steps fading. making me move around vigorously scattering everything here and there looking for my headphones trying to stop the mixed, negative thoughts swirling in a storm in my head.
I scribbled my thoughts chaotically as the music got louder and louder, bumping in my head, trying to cover the blaming voice in my head. The blaming voice which is always invading my brain constantly removing what was left of my confidence and personality.
“don’t you know how ladies dress”
No no, please
“I’m not asking for your permission Adeline”
stop, stop
“don’t you know how ladies dress and act like”
No,
‘‘Are you a dinosaur eating everything in your way’’
Please
‘‘You are getting married’’
STOOP!!
Stop, stop all of you, you don’t know what I’m going through, you don’t,
My tears started hurriedly wetting my sketch, as I increased the volume of my headphones while my stomach shivered and my limbs shook in silence. I let out a loud cry while remembering their clodness, as I moderately fall through the door of my sketch at the sound of my MP player.
But it’s no use or help. I still can’t stop thinking of my father’s decision, how hard it will be and how far he will go this time. Awful thoughts swirl up in my mind. my dream, my life, the only thing I lived for, the only thing I like. I can’t let it go.
Leaving a prison to go to another, getting married. Me. When the only thing I always searched for was freedom, he really wants me to enter a stupid life, a stupid routine, a broken relationship.
A lump formed in my throat as I imagined what could happen, while I covered my mouth to stop sniffling sounds.
Their words kept echoing through my organs vibrating them, and making my whimper harder and harder, as I tried as hard not to recall my memories and open the silenced scars. I slipped under my bed, grabbed my notebook and tried as much to cancel my senses and focus on the sketch I was forming.
A prison is where I can never dream and follow my dream. I am only allowed to listen and obey, no emotions, no feelings, no nothing. Art is the only way out, unfortunately, it is unacceptable to my high-class family.
Do you know what’s worse than your family against you? deep down you want to listen to them, you want to be happy with their happiness, you want to feel safe and secure with them. But you can’t. The other part of you wants you to live your life, live your happiness, and do what you’ve always wanted. but you can’t. The two parts just keep on clashing, erupting in your mind and increasing your agony, making your skin shake continuously. constantly thinking and arguing inside you. while the third part of you is standing in the middle covering their ears, wearing their headphones and begging life to get them out of here. But it’s too weak.
What’s worse is that you are more afraid of yourself than of your enemy, you just wish for a button to stop your mind from overthinking every freaking thing. But you can’t.
104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPxBpYrRpH6
Author's note
Hey, how's it going? The first few chapters were written earlier, but I've made a bunch of improvements since then. I really think this chapter is better than the last one, but I'd love to hear your thoughts. The last part almost had me in tears! I really felt like I could relate to the character and it made it easy for me to write her. What do you guys think?
Do you have problems dealing with overthinking too? You can always text me if there is anything you want to talk about, I'm always available on Instagram
What do you think of Adeline so far? let me know
Publication date: 6/5/24
Word count: 2873
104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs72L7TGs7U
104Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4m1ZRDk2dv
