Everything hurts. My head feels like a construction crew was trying to use sledgehammers to crack it open. My wrist hurts, I can't feel my legs. I try to open my eyes, but quickly decide against it, as the bright light burns my retinas and just makes the construction crew work harder. I grunt in pain, and I hear movement next to me.
"Good morning."
A woman's voice. Gentle, but firm. Not a voice I recognize. I hear her walk closer. She touches my shoulder, very lightly.
"Can you hear me, Emilia?"
Emilia? Oh. She means me. That's my name. I think. My head feels fuzzy. I try to say something, but it comes out as a weak grunt, and I wince in pain.
"My name is Susan. I'm your nurse today. Can you remember anything?"
I try to, I really do. But I don't. It's all black. I remember walking. I remember ... Jenny! I remember Jenny! My girlfriend! Where's Jenny?!
"Jenny ... " I manage to mutter quietly. It hurts to speak, but I need to know. I need to know that she's okay. I can't remember if I was with her when I black out. I can't remember where I was. I hoped Jenny was okay.
"That's the name you've repeated several times," the nurse, Susan, says quietly. "You had her number on your phone as an emergency contact, so we called her. Jenny Wilkins."
She removes her hand from my shoulder, and I hear her sighing slightly.
"Do you remember anything, Emilia?"
"No ... Is Jenny okay?"
"She's fine. She's at home."
I exhale, relieved to hear that. Then I wince in pain, since my ribs apparently really disliked me exhaling so deeply. I grunt and grit my teeth.
"Emilia. I'm going to increase your pain medication slightly. You should feel better in a short while. Let me know, and we can continue."
I grunt something and try to relax. It hurts to think, but I feel like there's something very important that I need to remember. It's like there's this little bell going off inside my brain and I'm trying to figure out why. Slowly, the pain meds start to help and the construction crew seems to take a lunch break. My wrist is still sore, but at least everything doesn't hurt. Didn't really help my head being woozy, but I'll take that.
I force my eyes open slightly, and it doesn't hurt so much anymore. I'm in a small white room. There's an empty bed beside me. I'm lying on a similar bed. Hospital bed. At the other end of the room -- which isn't that far, really. This room is slightly smaller than my living room. There's a small desk, and a chair. A woman in her 40s or so is sitting on the chair, writing something on the desk. She has curly red hair, and she looks a bit chubby. Not fat, but chubby, in a good way. Reminds me of my cousin.
"Nurse ..." I say, but it comes out a hollow croak. I tried to remember her name, but couldn't.
She looks up from her work at me and smiles. She closes whatever book or folder she was working with, gets up, and walks to me. She looks at me with sadness and concern in her eyes. I can't really figure out why.
"Do you remember anything, Emilia?"
I try to shake my head, but that's a mistake and the construction crew reminds me of their existence, and I immediately stop. I squeeze my eyes closed and try to get them to go back on their break. Images of the city at night pop into my head. I'm going somewhere, but I can't figure out where, or why.
"I remember walking."
"You've had severe alcohol poisoning. Do you remember drinking?"
Drinking? I don't usually drink, so ... I -- hazy memories of a bar flash in my mind. Of drinking, and of dancing. It feels like they're someone else's memories, though. Something bugs me about the whole situation. It's like there's this important thing that I can't remember.
"I ... was in a bar."
"The Cozy Corner."
I can't remember the name. I'm not sure I've ever heard of that place in my life. I don't even know where it is. It's been so long since I last got drunk. Maybe years. I can't remember drinking after I met Jenny. She doesn't approve of it, and I didn't have any reason to. Why would I have been drinking? And dancing? I can't dance.
"Like I said, you had Jenny Wilkins as your emergency contact, so we called her ... She came to visit, but you were out of it. She ... filled us in about your ... situation."
"Situation...? Where is she now? Why didn't she stay with ..."
Suddenly, a memory flashes in my mind. A memory of Jenny. Her hands on her hips, looking at me sadly. We're through, Emilia. Her words rip through me like a fiery blade, and I can't breathe. It's like a kick in the guts. I dry-heave and curl up. I can't deal with you, Emilia. You just run away. From every problem, you run. My heart cannot take it, Emilia.
Tears form in my eyes, and I can't even begin to hold them when they just burst out, streaming hot on my cheeks. I gasp for air, but it feels futile. Jenny left me. Because I'm a failure. I cannot do anything right. I lost my girlfriend, because I'm such a horrible person. My head spins, but stomach hurts.
"Emilia, breathe!"
I don't know what that means. I try to remember what breathing means, but all I can see in my mind is Jenny's sad expression as she gave me back her ring, and closed her door. I feel the nurse grabbing my hand and squeezing it gently.
"Breathe. Take a deep breath."
My vision blurs, and the lights dim. I don't know how to breathe. My heart hurts. Hurts so much. I don't know if it's physical or not. I gasp for air, but my body doesn't allow me to. My heart races, pounding against my chest as if it wants to break free. I wish it did. I don't want to feel.
"Doctor to room 311, patient having a panic attack. Emilia, look at me!"
I don't. I don't want to, nor could I. I feel myself slipping away. My chest hurts from the lack of oxygen. My head feels woozy. The last thing I hear is a door opening, and a male voice saying something before everything goes to black. Again.
ns 15.158.61.54da2
