Everything had just gone black. It was cold. So, so cold. I had always believed in some kind of great beyond. I was an okay person, lived an alright life. Never stole, never killed, never broke the law. I lived modestly- well I had to live modestly. So I figured I’d be rewarded at least a little bit in eternal paradise. But within the cold, there was an odd sense of relief. Some small part of me was happy I was finally gone. No more bills, no more work, no more stress. Just, nothing. But just as soon as I was finally nothing, I became something again. Everything was still so very dark, but now instead of that biting, unforgiving cold, there was a kind and welcoming warmth, like a bath after a long and cold winter's day. My hearing, although muffled -- like they were being constantly flooded with water, still picked up this insistent crying. Like a baby on an airplane type of crying. The type of crying that doesn’t stop no matter how much their parents soothe and beg for the child to stop.
I was almost out of breath, my body pressed up against something soft and warm, the feeling flooding my senses, was I alive? Was the nothingness just a fluke? I thought to myself, my hands gripping and releasing several times around something squishy. A sweet and thin liquid flowed freely into my mouth, it tasted faintly of vanilla. The horrid crying finally stopping. I didn’t know what I was drinking, just that I needed to . Like a starving man at an all-you-can-eat buffet. But it calmed me, more than any lavender scented bath or cup of chamomile tea ever could. It felt so comforting. The stress I had felt just moments ago melted away like snow in spring. I eased my body against whatever plush thing I was propped up against. I heard voices, but only bits and pieces of what the voices around me were saying. 16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5WbYn6g2s
“Isn’t she beautiful?”16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV57GMqtRsU
“What a cute little nose she has.”16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTmEbWzCU88
“Oh, our little princess Aiyana.”16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhgMEUAgqvy
Aiyana. That was such a pretty name. A girl with a name like that must truly be loved by all.
The same two voices kept sounding overhead for what felt like years. Whispering feelings of love for their child and for each other. The new voices of a little girl and boy were recently introduced, but they were becoming more frequent, almost annoying.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDgUCjilXG
“Cecil, look, she’s making a funny face!”16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYIB6qNV5LS
“Aw, she’s scrunching up, how cute!”16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhKsbIpLXH
The cooing and the gawking was driving me completely up the wall. Whatever weirdo I was sharing a hospital room with needed to make these damn kids shut up! Don’t they know that the best environment to heal in is a calm and silent, and most definitely not full of children being well, children. I tried to cover my ears to drown them out. But my arms just would not reach up to my ears no matter how hard I tried. It was so frustrating not being able to be alone in the silence that I craved so much.
It felt like god was mocking me now. Because that demonic, god awful screaming and crying came back. And if that stupid couple wasn’t going to leave with their sperm trophy then I was going to explode. I have never been good with kids, not being able to handle their tantrums from hell was one of the reasons I never wanted kids myself. That- and the fact I had barely enough money to feed and clothe myself. I had half a heart to yell at the parents to either leave or get the damn thing to shut up, but I didn’t. Not that the crying had ended or that I started to feel sympathy for the new parents who chose to have a kid, but because I physically just couldn’t. My voice wouldn’t create the words and my mouth wouldn’t push the words out. To make matters worse, now every time I grunted or groaned, the little welfare bonus started to mimic every single sound I tried to make, replaced by the senseless cooing. The damn thing was making fun of me for being unable to voice anything. Not my anger, my discontent, not even hunger or thirst! Nothing. I was being quiet as a mouse against my will. Had the hospital put me on a ventilator? The thought had crossed my mind but it was unlikely. I was able to control how I breathed and wasn’t being forced to keep breathing. It made no logical sense why I was unable to talk. I wasn’t unconscious, that much was easy to figure out, my brain was as active as ever. Overthinking and freaking out like usual. And I can’t be dead, dead people didn’t have bodies, and I did, I could move my body and feel it moving. So that was also very unlikely.
It pissed me off. Not being able to give that damn baby a piece of my mind, and I didn’t even care if it kept on crying as long as I could rip that baby a new one. If I could, I would have already walked out of the damn room just to get away from that satan spawn. A familiar voice called from the other side of the room. It was gentle, kind and tired. I think it was the woman who I heard talking to that crying baby. I almost felt bad for her, knowing she’ll have to deal with the little monster when she gets discharged. 16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT9pMzvhNyF
“Cecil, Stephen, are you bothering your sister?” She asked, I heard the door closing behind her, her steps sounded like a typing keyboard. Clicky and somehow comforting. 16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY1N6ISgard
“No, we were just looking.” The young boy said, defensively. 16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3wpIrKL5cR
“Were you now?” The woman responded, she walked closer to my bed and it struck me as odd. Just because we’re in the same room, doesn’t mean you’re allowed to come over to me as you please! I can’t even see you, what if you steal something from me! I thought to myself, getting more and more angry at the invasion of my privacy.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxtTF2HiIQ
“Really, we were! She just started crying!” The young girl said with a huff. “Babies cry all the time without a reason! Stephen used to cry every hour!” I could hear the shifting of clothes and the feeling of a warm hand smoothing out my hair. How dare she touch me without permission! I swear I’m going to sue this hospital for everything it has… Once I can, that is. 16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz24OqZm5EI
“It does look like she’s settling down, she might have just been overwhelmed by all the chatter. Now, it's time for you two to go to bed yourself.” The two children groaned and whined but I heard them stomping away. The woman hummed as she stroked my hair, and it was pissing me off more than I could have ever imagined. My mother never did this, so why did this new mother feel the need to coddle a grown woman!
I moved to brush her off of me, but again, my arms would not reach my head. I could feel my body, I knew that I was moving, that I was squirming, but I couldn’t reach. Everything was just out of my grasp. And then that damn crying started again. I felt like my head was splitting and the crying just kept on getting louder and louder.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvax50k04Dp
“Oh Aiyanna,” The woman sighed, I could hear her pulling up what I figured was a wooden chair and sat down. She seemed tired, like she was just as tired of listening to the crying as I was. It felt like I was being lifted off of the bed I was laying on. I was confused to say the least. Was a hospital staff member transferring me to another room to get away from these creeps? My thoughts were too good to be true, I knew I shouldn’t get my hopes up that I would be moved to a private room, but I never thought that stranger would be so rude. I felt the soft fabric pressing against my body, the warmth of another human being enveloping me, the sound of a beating heart foreign and strange to me. I had never been this close to another person before, and it scared me. The crying kept going on and on, seeming like it would never end. But once I started to feel exhausted for seemingly no reason at all, the crying dulled. Weird. I thought to myself.
The next few weeks were more or less the same, I had figured that I was in fact, not at a hospital but in someone else’s home. Their very large home. When I started opening my eyes a bit every now and then, all I could see was opulent fixtures, though blurred and gray, it was evident that I was no longer in a place that I was supposed to be. I felt out of place staring up at the grand fixtures. Surrounding me were these large wooden barriers, likely to prevent me from falling out or climbing out of the oddly shaped circular bed. I had yet to be able to look at myself. My vision far too blurry to make out any distinct shapes. But my hands looked swollen, my fingers much thicker than I remember. The bed was firm, much firmer than I remember the beds at the hospital were. I had to frequent there when I was younger because of infections that were left untreated until a school nurse forced my family to take me to the ER. 16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiyXKkU0pvd
“Aiyana, good morning dear.” Called the woman affectionately, tussling my hair. I groaned internally and made a sour expression, hating the way the woman invaded my space.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0vRomFbNOA
“Aw, grumpy today, are we?” Cooed a man. He sounded familiar but I just couldn’t place his voice yet. I felt a large hand brush against my face and grabbed it firmly. The blurry image of the man’s finger being squeezed by my own startled me and I let go almost immediately. Holding my hands up close to my face to see them clearer. Not only were they very swollen but they had shrunk. It just didn’t make sense. People’s limbs just don’t shrink after a big accident. Now that I could see a bit better, not just my hands were swollen, but my forearms too. They wrinkled in odd places, there was an especially prominent one about an inch below my practically non-existent wrist. I opened my mouth feeling the confused words well up on my tongue.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhFcbHMCevC
“Aah.” Was the only sound that came out. I tried again and again but I could only make basic noises. I wiggled and squirmed, wanting to get up, to get away or look at myself. Anything to just figure out what the hell was going on. I felt so damn helpless, like a baby deer trying to fight against the teeth of a hungry lynx. I started kicking the bedding beneath me, and the insufferable baby wailing came back but as the wailing continued, I felt something hot and wet on my face and something dripping out of my nose. I reached up to wipe it, a drop of it running down to my lips. Salty I thought to myself. Not just a drop of salt water was dripped onto me, no, I would have felt it fall onto my cheeks. No, the salty water was coming from me. I was the one crying. I was shocked, I wasn’t one to cry all the time, when I did it was very rarely and almost never a fit. I saw the woman move to caress me again but my body screamed at her without my consent. She hesitated and looked at the man who was standing closely next to her with a concerned face. The woman’s face wrinkled in hurt and confusion.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjWqlpdvRDE
“Charity, dearest, it's okay, she’s just grumpy today.” He said, trying to soothe the woman. He brushed a piece of hair out of her face as she gripped the edge of the bed tightly.
When she reached out for me again I screamed and wailed even louder, swatting her hand away. She quickly withdrew her hand away from me like I was something on fire. She looked over at the man with concern.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNdOl5XkDk
“Henry, what do you think this means? Cecil and Stephen were never like this.” She said, her voice quiet and filled to the brim with stress.16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJLDIhu1Cri
“It's alright, dear. All children are different, remember a quiet baby makes a terrible toddler, maybe she’ll be well behaved when she grows up?” He suggested, kissing the woman tenderly on the cheek. I stopped crying, so stunned by what he had just said. 16Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNSB6QBKGN
All children. What the hell did he mean by that?
