I came to see you the other day.You said we will meet each other at last.
You said I was the only one who understood how you feel.
Do you remember the time we first met?
I stumbled across a forum called RedNote.I saw your name and your cute Sakura anime pic.You were very insightful and you had opinions about everything.I still remember how you shut down some internet bullies who called you a feminist just because you said something about not objectifying women on the media.
Your enthusiasm and your passion won me over.
Remember how I pretended that you were my old high school friend? Yeah,you figured it out eventually that I chatted you up just to get to know you.
I remember how you always logged in everyday and we would talk about anything..Donald Trump,climate change.
Most of those in the forum had no idea what they were talking about..but not you.
Do you recall Valentines Day? I remember you told me how you detested it.I do agree,though.Valentines Day is a way to make us singles feel like crap.We talked until 2am and you told me all about your abusive dad,how you want to run away from home and go somewhere else.
I joked around and said you could come to my place.You replied 'are you sure?Desmond,I am serious right now'
I admit,I was dumbfounded.I thought YOU were joking.
So I said it was not safe and you live 100km away from me anyway.
You paused for a moment and replied,
'Desmond I want to talk to you.I want to hear your voice.'
So I gave you my phone number and I heard you say hello for the first time.
You had a very nice voice but I know at that time you were trying not to cry for some reason.We talked until 4am.
Weeks gone by and you began to reveal more about yourself.Your name is Emma and you were 17.You love anime and you're a complete anime geek,like me.You obsess about KPOP but at the same time you never listen to their songs without knowing their meanings.There was a girl that hated you.Sasha.
You were bullied quite severely but you never said about it to anyone.You were surrounded by friends who only care about your big house and money.
You were expected to act like the rich girl who loves makeup and buys designer clothes yet you were nothing like that.
One day,you call me crying.You told me that Sasha had beat you up in the locker room for looking at her boyfriend and when you came home with bruises, your dad's only reaction was to tell you to apply some medicine and go buy him some alcohol.
'Desmond,tell me...why am I even here?I want this pain to end.Please Desmond.No one ever cared about me...I had no one,'
You broke down crying and it felt like my world began to break,too.
'Emma,I'm here...you got anything,you just talk to me.Do not do ANYTHING stupid,please.I know what it feels like.Everybody hurts,Emma.I've been through some terrible things,too.But you are stronger than this,Emma.You need to report Sasha.Don't be afraid of her.Man,I wish I could come and beat Sasha up,'.
You asked,'b..but would you hit a girl?'
I said,'From my understanding,I don't think we should discriminate against bullies.'
I heard a chuckle.
'Desmond..I've got an idea.My dad would be outstation next month.I can ride a train and meet you.'
I froze.'What if you don't like me after we met?You promise you won't..you know,dump me or any of that after seeing me?'
You gave a short,cute laugh.'No,I don't think I'm Miss Universe either.Relax.I bet most boys in my school are uglier than you.Believe me,'.
'Besides,Desmond,you are different.You're nice and you care what I have to say.You help me even if I'm a stranger,'
I grinned.'Really?I don't think we're strangers,'
You said,'Me too.'
I imagined you were smiling from the other side.
On that D-day,I wore ripped jeans,black hoodie and sunglasses.I didn't knew what to expect and my heart was pounding.
The Kaoru Cafe.The place where we were supposed to meet.It was a bit quiet that day..probably because it was a Monday.
Despite my protests of you skipping school that day,I couldn't change your mind.You were very adamant.
I sat at the very back and observed two other couples sitting near me. Both of them were laughing and talking loudly.
I ordered a Mocha and waited for you to arrive.It felt like forever.I looked at my watch.
2pm.You should have arrived by then.I looked around.I double check the table that I selected to make sure.12.
I looked up and saw a girl wearing a red jacket and a pair of expensive Converse shoes.I immediately knew it was you by your geeky glasses and your pale skin,as you once told me you were part albino.
You were no Miss Universe,but you were pretty in your own way.
I grinned and was about to call you when our eyes met.
I heard a gasp.
Your eyes widened as you put your hands over your mouth.
No...
Before I could make a move,you were out by the front door.
I stood up and ran past you but when I reached outside,you were gone.
I looked down at my phone.
'I'm the one wearing the black hoodie.Table 12.Wave if you see me,'
-Desmond
'Shoot.I hope you like my pink jacket.I've been waiting for this,Desmond.Can't wait to see you,'
-Emma
Silence.
It hurts for real.I went into my car and drove around.
I spotted your back from far away,you were running fast towards the train station.
I can't comprehend which part of me you dislike.
Was it something I did or...the fact that I did not have any face to begin with?
'Desmond,the other day when I told you about my problems you said that you went through some stuff,too. I don't mean to be rude,but..if you need someone.. I am here for you,'
'No,it's fine. It's a long time ago anyway.My face got burnt in a house fire when I was 12.I never managed to afford a surgery,'
'Ooh,I'm sorry.Don't worry.I'll always be here for you..'
I'll always be here for you....
Your words still linger at the back of my mind.
Haunted.It was like I was constantly living in a loop,replaying that scene over and over again.The way you looked at me...
Dear Emma,
I am not a monster....
I'm sorry for those annoying voice messages I left for you.
Dear Emma.
Tell me.
Will you ever see me again?
ns 15.158.61.5da2
