"Toni! It's your turn! Truth or Dare!"
"Dare!"
"I dare you to kiss Amanda."
"Wait, you can't be serious."
"I am. Do it, it's a part of the game!"
"Yeah Toni, kiss her!"
"Do it Toni, or you can't be our friend anymore!"
"Guys, that's mean. You don't have to do it if you don't want to Toni."
"No. I'll do it. I'm not a chicken…"
"Toni. Toni. Toni."
"Toni!"
I scream and jump out of bed, falling on the floor with a thud, I rub my head and glare up at the thing that made the ungodly noise that woke me up. My idiot brother, he just raised his eyebrows.
"You got school. Get up." He commanded, I just glared at him.
"Fuck off." I say, not feeling in the mood for the bull shit that came with caring about school. He just shrugged.
"Fine. I'll just tell mom and dad that you are skipping, you can help me do yard work." He threatened me, and I glared at him. This bastard really would tell on me just so he could have help in the yard.
"Fuck you, get out of my room, or do you like seeing your little sister in her underwear?" I ask him sarcastically, and his face goes white as snow, he turns around, blushing I'm sure.
"Just be ready for school in ten minutes." He told me before leaving my room. I sighed and picked myself up off the floor. I walked out of my room, and into the bathroom. Which was right across from my room. I looked at myself. I look like hell, bags under my eyes. That always happens when I dream about that or my past with her.
The way she held me, and- Stop it, you don't need to think of her okay? It was a fucking year ago. It's over. She dumped you, you survived. Now you have Kelsi. Wait, what? Do I really… No, there's no way in fucking hell that she is gay. As much as I wish otherwise. To run my hands through those long golden locks of hair, to feel her against me.
A blush fills my pale face, and I blink. That's the second time that I've blushed because of her. Am I really that pathetic? I mean, I'm not one to fall easily. But something about this girl… I run a hand through my hair, glaring at my reflection. I grab a comb and start doing my hair. It doesn't take long. That's the benefit to having short hair like mine, low maintenance.
Though I wouldn't mind helping Kelsi with her hair… Maybe I should grow it out so I can ask her to help me with it… No, I hate having long hair, and besides. We never change anything about ourselves for other people. Because if you break up you feel like an idiot. Like getting your tongue pierced because she always said how she wondered how it would feel when making out... amongst other things.
I frown and look at my tongue, yup. That was real. A small barely distinguishable little hole in the center of my tongue. Jesus fucking Christ I was fucking retarded. I sigh and examine my body, I don't look bad. Maybe I shouldn't have skipped out of dinner last night, I feel like shit... And there's one thing I always do when I'm feeling pathetic and sorry for myself.
I walk back to my room and glance at my phone. Should I call her? She did say she was available any time of the day, but I have school. Blow it off. But… Kelsi. You won't think straight until you do this. I haven't been straight since sixth grade. I grab my phone and find her name. 'Rachel' I hit the call button and put the phone to my ear. After several rings she answers.
"Hey Toni! What's up?" She asked me in her unusually cheery voice, considering how early it is.
"Nothing much. Can I come over?" I ask, its best to get straight to the point.
"Well, sure. My roommates aren't here right now, so yeah. Now would be great. Are you gonna bring anything?" She asked.
"I was going to bring my stress." I deadpan, I hear her let out a cheerful laugh.
"Well, okay. I know a few ways we can get rid of it, I've been watching a lot of videos online."
"I hope you're referring to sex because I can't think of any other way." I tell her, and she laughed again.
"Of course Toni. Anything for you, just make it quick, I've got work at noon." She told me.
"I'll be over in a bit." I told her before hanging up. Rachel was one of my only friends. She was a college freshmen and we hooked up a couple of times. Mostly whenever we felt stressed from life. Neither of us wanted anything more. Which is good because I want someone else.
Kelsi. Are you really going to ditch her to go have sex with some girl? I mean it's not like you're amazing friends, school started just a week ago, but you still haven't actually done anything together outside of it. Hell we barely talk to each other.
So, why did it feel a little bit shitty to go do this? I shouldn't worry too much about it. Some quick sex and I'll forget all about it. The question is, how am I going to get out there? I walk to my closet and pull out a black shirt with some jeans. After I get dressed, I walk outside into the hall to see my mother making breakfast in the kitchen, and my brother leaning against the door.
"Bout time. Come on." He said simply, I glared at him while flipping him off. He returned the gesture. My mother looked between us and rolled her eyes.
"You two just love each other so much huh? Toni, come here." She ordered me, I walked up to her, and she grabbed my face, moving it so she could look at both sides easier. "You've been crying. What's wrong babe?" She asked me concerned. Typical, she was always so fucking concerned with my well-being, she is a mother.
"I'm fine." I say shortly, she just frowns at me and nods. She lets go of my face, and goes back to making breakfast. She stopped trying to make me tell her my problems when I blew up on her last year after she dumped me. I don't necessarily feel bad, but I wish that we could be close like we were before.
"Okay honey, do you want breakfast?" She asked me, and I shook my head. She frowned slightly, but didn't press the issue, I glared at my brother, who was looking out the window, looking bored out of his mind. I pick up an apple from the basket of fruit on the counter.
"Hey, let's go." I tell him, throwing the apple at him, it hits him in the ribs, and he nearly falls to the ground, he glared at me.
"You fucking bitch, why?" He demanded, I just glared at him, he returned said glare. He was the only person who didn't really back down when I glared at them. I hated that. He got up, and exited the house, I trailed after him, I got in the car and he started it up.
"Hey, take me to Precipice Community College." I order him, he glanced at me.
"Why?" He asked me, in a strangely sweet voice. I knew what he wanted, he wanted me to beg. Sadistic bastard.
"Because I want to have sex. I could set you up with one of her friends if you drive me." I say, he nods.
"She better be hot." He grumbled. I glared at him.
"You better cut that stereotypical shit out. 'She better be hot.' You sound like an asshole." I tell him, he raised his eyebrow at me.
"I'm a stereotype? You are a lesbian with a friend with benefits. That's more stereotypical then a straight guy wanting to fuck a hot girl." He told me.
"You are retarded." I tell him, he glared at me.
"I could always tell mom you're skipping." He threatened, damn him.
"Just drive." I grumble, he smiled at me and followed my order. I'll admit, I was a little bummed that I wouldn't get to see Kelsi today. I hope she'll be okay without me there to protect her from the idiot. If he does anything creepy, I swear I'll kill him.
ADKoL.
I relaxed in my seat. But I still wondered if Toni was going to be here today, she usually comes in around this time. Oh well, it's not like we've become best friends over the past week, in fact the classes we have together. English and Chemistry, we don't go out of our way to talk to each other.
I wonder why I'm so fixated on her, were barely friends. My mind goes back to Miranda's phone call yesterday.
"Hey kid, how you liking school?" Miranda asked me over the phone, I smiled even though she couldn't see me.
"It's been going good. Have you been behaving?" I ask her, and I hear someone laugh. I was on speaker phone apparently.
"Miranda? Behave? Please!"
"Shut up Tanner!" Miranda snapped at him, I heard him merely hum in response to her command. "Anyway kid, how are things? Did you meet any new people?"
"Yeah. I met this one girl. Her name is Toni Hart. We're friends I think." I answer, I hear Tanner repeat Toni's name.
"Where have I… Oh, now I remember!" Tanner exclaims, before I hear a door shut.
"Tanner just left. No clue why. Anyway, tell me about this Toni girl." Miranda said.
"Well, she's kinda crazy. Like sometimes she can be happy, and other times angry. Most of the time it's angry. But she's in two of my classes, and we get along. She's also gay." I told her, at the last fact Miranda hummed.
"I see. Tanner is gay too. You wouldn't know it, but he loves the cock. Loves it." Miranda said absently. I blinked. In all my years of knowing him, I didn't know that. I thought both of them were Asexual. Miranda, nor Tanner had never been in a relationship or even talked about it as far as I knew.
"I didn't know this. Is this one of your jokes?"
"No. I kinda wish it was, it's fucking gross."
"Him being gay? How is that gross?"
"Not that. The concept of love and relationships. He just got me thinking about it. Sounds like you're cursed too." Miranda told me in a pitying voice, I frowned.
"You don't like relationships? And wait, how am I cursed?"
"Relationships go against our nature as a species to reproduce and fuck anything that lives or breathes. Love is a man-made concept that interferes. And you've got the curse because you're talking about this girl. It is strange. Didn't think you would turn out to be gay."
"Wait, what? I'm not gay Miranda. I just said we're friends, where did you get that idea from?"
"Kelsi, I love ya. But fuck you are naïve. I don't even believe true love is real and I can see it."
"But, I'm really not gay!"
"Have you ever kissed a boy?"
"No."
"Ever watched a movie and thought a guy was hot?"
"I'm not allowed to watch anything but Disney."
"So? There's still the princes. Did you think they were cute?"
"They were animated."
"So? It's not uncommon. I know a guy who watches Hentai."
"What's that?"
"I'll tell you later kid. Just answer the question."
"No. Not really."
"Have you ever imagined yourself married to a guy?"
"No. But I don't see how this is solving a thing."
"I'm trying to prove to you that you could in fact be gay. You never know what you like until you try it."
"So, you're suggesting I try Toni?"
"Sure. Whatever you need to do. Just think of kissing a boy, then think of kissing a girl. Go with what feels right to you."
"But-"
"I gotta go Kid. Bye!" Miranda said, and hung up, just like that. I was left with so many questions I didn't know where to even begin…
I look around the class after snapping out of my remembrance. The bell had rung, and there was no sign of Toni. I looked around the room, and spotted a pretty girl. Long black hair. I tried to do what Miranda told me to do, and thought about kissing her. But, I had never been kissed, so I didn't have much to go on.
I looked at a boy the same, but still. I couldn't even picture it. Maybe I need to be kissed first, but I don't know. I don't really know anyone here besides Toni, and her friend… Dethunter, I think. He had a strange name. I didn't feel comfortable talking to him, or her. Toni was a little intimidating, and she would probably make fun of me for never being kissed, and Dethunter might be creeped out, we've talked maybe twice.
The class passed by uneventful. No one talked to me, I didn't talk to them. Simple and Clean as that. I found myself missing Toni more and more as the day went on. Even though I only had two classes with her. It was strange and I couldn't really explain why.
Maybe I was sick. Yeah, that's it. I'm just sick, so I'm focusing on a small thing, and making it into a bigger problem. Yup, just being irrational. The rest of the day passes with that in mind, until I hit my last class. Chemistry. Toni was gone, along with my usual lab partner so, I got partnered with Dethunter.
I smiled and him, and he returned the favor. We started doing the project, and I had to carry him through. Now I see why Toni is always hitting him on the back of the head when they work on projects.
"So, you're friends with Toni." He said, I nodded as I read the instructions. "How did a sweet girl like you get mixed up with her? Seems like you would hate each other." He said, I looked at him, rather irritably. He wasn't even reading the directions. I don't want to fail because of him.
"Can you just help me? I don't want to fail." I tell him, and he laughs.
"That reminds me of how one of my other friends is. She refuses to fail at anything, plus she makes me feel stupid when she starts using her logic to defeat everything I say. She's really nice though, her name is Janice, do you know her?" Dethunter asked me, and I shook my head.
"I have no idea who you're talking about. Just please get to work." I say, he nods.
"You never did answer my question." He said, I wasn't going to get out of this, he was the person who would just keep pushing.
"About me and Toni? She was the first person I talked to when I came here. She saved me from bullies." I answer him, he nods. I purse my lips. "So, are you gay?" I ask him, and he looked at me strangely.
"Oh, I see. The stereotype that a lesbian's best friend also happens to be gay. No, I am not gay." Dethunter told me, I nodded. "Are you gay?" He asked me, and I felt my cheeks heat up.
"No… I mean, well… I don't really know. I've never even kissed anyone." I told him, he nodded.
"Hmmm. Well, there's something about you that Toni happens to like. I could give you some pointers. Look online for people in the same situation, everyone's connected now a days, you'll find something to help you out. Maybe you are straight as an arrow, or maybe you are gay. No big deal either way, beautiful girl like yourself will find somebody." Dethunter said, I blinked at him.
"Did you just hit on me?" I asked him, he blushed. I was honestly curious, I had never experienced a relationship at all.
"Well, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't think you were really hot." Dethunter told me. "But Toni said that if I ever tried to make a move on a girl she likes she'd rupture my spleen. Don't ask me how, I don't even know how she could." Dethunter added, and I blinked at him.
"Toni likes me?" I ask, he stops all motion, then blinks several times.
"Oh no… No, no, no. I didn't mean it like that, I just meant that… You know what let's focus on the assignment, that's right, just smile and write. Smile and write." He said, and I'll admit that was a pathetic cover up. The gravity of the situation hit me all at once. Toni likes me. But, I don't know who, or even what gender I like. But there was another problem, my mother…
ADKoL.
I looked at Amanda apprehensively. I knew it was a dare, but I still felt it was bull shit that I had to actually do this. But my urge to not be made fun of was higher than my urge to not do this. So, I leaned forward, shutting my eyes, I'd assume she leaned forward also, because when we met we both seemed to be kissing.
It was… Strange to say the least, it was my first kiss honestly. Sure, I'd kissed Dethunter on the cheek a few times when I wanted the good controller when we played video games. But this was different, I don't know how I felt about it initially, but when it ended, I found myself missing it a little bit. When I opened my eyes again I saw her staring at me with a surprised look, and all the other girls doing the same all most.
"You actually kissed her! What a freak, I didn't think you would actually do it. You sure are gross Toni." Sally told me, and I blinked, as some of the other girls nodded in agreement. I felt hot tears build up in my eyes.
"I don't want to be around you any more Toni, you're too gross."
"But, you said…" I muttered, as one of the girls glared at me and shook her head, Amanda looked panicked.
"If you guys don't like her then too bad. I do, we don't need to be your friends anymore, you… You… Bitches!" Amanda defended me, grabbing my arm and standing up, I completely agreed with her, but these were my only friends that were female. Well, Dethunter I wasn't so sure about, but my only friends who were noticeably female.
"Well, you're the one who kissed her so you're gross too, get out of here. I'm officially banning you from my house." Sally said.
"Good, we don't want to be here anyway, you bitch." I spit at her, and she looks at me like I just ran over her cat. She pointed to the door, me and Amanda stormed out together, and we walked over to her house, which was next door. When we got inside, I asked her mom to take me home, and she did.
"Toni!" I heard an ungodly noise, and I leaped out of bed, falling on the floor for the second time today, Jesus. This felt like déjà vu. I glared up to see Rachel, in her work uniform, staring down at me, I noticed that it was dark outside.
"Hey…" I said weakly, I climbed back on the bed, and Rachel sat next to me. She was taking off her shoes. I glanced at her, she seemed to ignore me, and she looked really tired.
"What are you still doing here?" She asked me, I frowned.
"I fell asleep I guess. Is my brother's car still out there?" I ask her, she shakes her head, before getting her shoes off and falling back on the bed, pulling me with her.
"I don't care, but you better call your parents, make sure they know you aren't murdered." She told me, I gave her a funny look.
"You're letting me stay?" I asked her, she nodded.
"Why wouldn't I? Just because we have sex without needing a relationship doesn't mean I'm gonna kick you out in the dead of night. We are friends Toni." She told me. I nodded, then she kissed my neck. "But, I do expect payment." She said, her voice low, I smirked at her, I would do that. I would happily do that.
"Work stressed you out?" I ask her, she nodded.
"Mostly I'm just tired, we had a rush that lasted half the time I was there." She informed me, kissing my neck several times, I hummed, and rolled on top of her, pinning her arms down.
"Then let me do all the work." I say, making my own voice lower, she smiled at me and leaned up, kissing me, at that point I took control. But in the back of my mind, I was thinking of one person. Kelsi.
ADKoL.
"So, mom. I need some advice." I say, she glances up at me, she was really pretty, long blonde hair like mine, but her eyes seemed colder.
"What is it sweetie?" She asked me curiously.
"I wanted to know what you would do if somebody liked you, but you didn't know if you liked them back or not." I say to her, her eyes light up, and she hugs me.
"Oh! I knew my baby would find somebody eventually! Who is the lucky boy?" She asked me, I blushed, I'll be honest I wasn't expecting such a reaction.
"Um… Mom, that didn't answer my question." I say, while trying to fight for air, she let go of me, and gave me a fond look.
"Oh, this is wonderful, come on. I'll call his parents right away, we have to make sure they understand that their son is going to marry my daughter!" She exclaimed, and I glared at her.
"Mom!" I yell surprising her, she blinks. And I, myself am surprised by my outburst, I never yell at my mother. I think a certain lesbian might be rubbing off on me. "I'm not getting married! I just wanted to know what to do if somebody liked me, but I didn't know how I felt about them." I stressed to her, and she nodded, a bit flustered by my outburst no doubt.
"Well, I would try and imagine myself with them, try to see if there's a future to be had together." She told me, and I nodded. "Now, can you at least tell me this boy's name?" My mother asked me, how disappointed she would be to find out that I was talking about a girl.
"I can't, it's too soon for that right, don't want to assume too much before were even together." I explain to her, and she nods.
"Of course, look at me being so overzealous. Just promise me that when you start dating this boy you will let me know first. Okay sweetie?" She asked, I nodded, a little bit scared. I hugged her and went up to my room, I started doing some research. After I had done some research online I had found out that there is a couple different options from here.
Option A: I could be gay, but given the fact that I haven't experienced anything I can't promise anything. Option B: I could be straight, but also. No experience so there's no way to tell. Option C: I could be bisexual maybe, but no evidence either way. Option D: I could just be attracted to Toni, but not girls in general. In like I love her personality, that's why I'm attracted to her, not because she's a girl. I have no fucking clue.
ns 15.158.61.48da2
