I walk along the rusted railroad tracks with my best friend Albert helping me balance, his hands gently guiding my waist. He's always been there for me. Since fourth grade, we have been inseparable. He is a year older and will be graduating soon. He already has a full ride to Julliard; the boy can play any instrument known to man.1070Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0njdmFOlKL
"You know this is dangerous right?"
"Danger? I laugh in the face of danger, hahah!!!" I quote my favorite line from the "Lion King."
"You wanna watch that this weekend?"
"Sure."
"Speaking of danger, how is your crazy ass boyfriend?"
I laugh. "Bertie, he makes straight A's and rides a motorcycle, better than your dumb blonde cheerleader girlfriend."
"Hey, I told you to stop talking about her. School just isn't her thing."
We arrive in our very middle class neighborhood with the same color houses aligning each side.1070Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYB4ge7vkXf
"I can't wait until I graduate. I'm going SO far away from here."
He laughs. "You're always into something, Yolo. That's why you in love with that crazy boyfriend of yours."
I meet his bright hazel gaze that stands out against the angles of his caramel brown face. I begin to wonder...
"Why haven't we ever dated?" I punch him in the shoulder to lighten the mood. "Am I not pretty enough for you?"
"OOO girl, nah. You're a stunning mix of blasian beauty from your almond shaped eyes to your brown skin to your cute little figure, to your wild curly hair." He laughs. "It's just I always see you as a sister, always looking out for you. Besides, I'm not your type. Kasey is good for you. He buys you nice things and treats you good."1070Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0VifYrs3C
Familiar gunshots ring from the other side of the street. Our suburbia is plopped in the middle of the hood on one side and ritz on the other. I have always been drawn to the prior, but my parents have always pushed me toward the latter. The only thing I have ever been interested in from the ritz is Kasey.
Albert heads toward the commotion.
"Still about that gang life, huh?"
"Go home and call Kasey," he teases.
When I get home, my beige labradoodle Curly is the first to greet me. My very annoying eleven year old brother Nelson Jr. rushes past.
"Yolonda, have you seen my library book?! Mom is not going to let me go to soccer practice if I don't have my book report."
"You probably left it at school."
"How's my baby boy," I coo, letting Curly into the backyard. "Have you eaten, Nelson?!" Assuming he hasn't, I pull out apples and dip for him.
"Yolonda!"
"Check under your bed!"
Three...two...one.."Found it!"
Suddenly, my phone lights up with a text from Ablert: "I've been shot. Can you pick me up?"
"Scoota, I have to go." I let Curly back in. "Mom will be home soon. Don't let anyone in. Understood?"
"Where are you going?" He asks with apple juice dripping down his chin. "You're gonna be in trouble."
"Just do like I say."
Grabbing my keys, I race to the old 2009 Chevy and turn on the blue tooth.
"Bertie, where are you?"
"By the bus stop at 5th street and Waltman Lane. I have been in worse condition. Don't get in an accident for me."
"I'm going to call an ambulance."
"Yolonda, you can't. They are going to link me to the shoot out, and i might go to jail---Damnit! Dont you dare---"
I hang up, typing in 9-1-1. What else can I do? When I reach the area where the GPS takes me, I find an ambulance and police cars. Albert's hazel gaze fixes on me with betrayal and rage as he is loaded onto the stretcher. I sit with my fingers tightening around the sterring wheel until the knuckles are white. Finally, I stop one of the paramedics.
"I made the call."
"Good you did. We caught two perpetrators coming to finish him off, plus were able to locate a few more pretty wounded boys. You're a hero today. Go home. You don't need to be out here right now."
At the five car, I have missed calls from my mom and a text from Kasey. Oh yeah, we have a date tonight. Hah, as if. I may be grounded for an eternity. I swivel back toward Ridgerock. As I pass an alley just before bumping over the railroad tracks, I skid to a stop and pull into an abandoned parking lot. Getting out the car, I hide around the corner. The voice is unmistakable. Kasey?!
"Yeah, young OG, what it do?"
"Cops busted everything. Scout the area. Help our own." Kasey has on a black bandanna, but I would recognize his ice blue eyes anywhere.
I step out with my arms across my chest. When I'm mad, I'm pretty darn fearless. "Kasey?!"
He puts his hand on the gun that the other guy raises at me.
"Nah, that's my girl, son. Go and scout the area, Redbird."
He strolls over to me. "Bae, what are you doing here?"
"What are YOU doing here?"
He checks his watch.
I roll me eyes. "You're not late for our date."
"So what's up?"
"I asked you first."
"Yeah, I guess I have some explaining to do." He removes the bandanna. "My dad has been in the drug business since I was young."
"But you live in the ritz."
"Yeah, but we come from here. Moms is daughter of lawyers; dad had a real hard life, so he got into the drug business and ain't looked back since. Got his sons an inhertance, and I'm taking over this territory."
"Kasey, you have so much more---"
"I know, girl, I'm gonna be better. You the chillest girl I know---mind and soul---that's why I love you so much."
"So, these two years, you haven't been telling me anything."
"I don't see you complaining about the gifts, though."
"Because I didn't know!" I rip off the gold chain he gave me last week. "Keep your gifts! My best friend has been shot!"
"What---"
"Yeah..." I turn away. "Kasey Ballard! I thought you were real!"
"Boo, I am."
"Nah, you're a liar, and I'm done with you."
As soon as I walk into the house, I meet dad's cold, expctant stare. He always gives us a chance to explain stupidity. This time, I actually do have a good excuse.
"Well?"
"Albert got shot. I had to go rescue him."
Even cool, collected Dad is taken aback by that.
"Daddy, he may not ever talk to me again. He didn't want me to call an ambulance, and I did."
"Well, if an ageless friendship is ruined over that, I'm not sure it's a friendship worth pursuing, honeybee."
"Can we go visit him tonight?"
"Of course. Your mom took your brother to practice...um....I will text her. How long has he been in a GANG?"
"Just under a year."
"That doesn't even sound like him."
"Yeah, well since his mom left, he's been taking stuff real hard, you know?"
"Yeah, I figured. His father said he's been acting out a lot this past year."
"I should have told---"
"Hey, he's almost nineteen years old. He has a brain. Don't blame yourself, Yolonda." He kisses my forehead. "Call the hospital and get your things. Guess you and Kasey will be postponing your date."
"Yeah..."
When we get to the hospital, Albert's father Mr. Reed is there.
"Hey, everyone, sorry I didn't call." His cheeks are wet. "I just don't know what to do with him. It seems like it's hopeless. Yolonda, you go talk to him."
They admit me to his room, and I approach slowly.
"They ain't gonna take me to jail---can't tie me to the shooting. Said I was just a passerby," Albert informs. "No thanks to you."
"Yeah, and what did you want me to do, Albert? Let you die?"
"I told you I was fine. You're suppsoed to have my back---"
"I have your back EVERYDAY, Albert. EVERY freakin' day, I have your back."
He clears his throat and gives me the side eye. "Yeah, you right. You just don't know nothing about gang life."
"Yeah, well, I know it's no good for you. You're breaking your father's heart. What about Julliard?"
"Get out of here with that crazy talk. Ya'll don't know what's going on inside."
"Fine."
I storm outside and bump right into Kasey.
"My brother been shot."
"Yeah, caught him and two other little dudes running around, got shot by two rivals...he been taken to the hospital now." He wipes his nose. "I don't wanna be there. Can I...can we just get out of here."
I nod without question. I don't want to be here either.
"It's my fault...should have told his butt to stay at home. He isn't street like the rest of us." I remain quiet. "You still mad?"
"Nah."
"Good, I booked a spot for us on the balcony of Regal E'clair. I kow you like ice cream, and I owe you for coming with me."
When we get to the two-story ice cream shop, the staff come to our aid. They know us, and they put on a beautiful and romantic show for us with live music and homemade ice cream routine.
"You know you mean the world to me. I'm still the same person I've always been, but you can see why I never wanted you in this life." He checks his phone. "I'm getting out of the business, going to Howard, like i said..."
"I wish Albert would do the same. Can we get out of here now?" I look at the melted ice cream, suddenly not hungry.
"Yeah."
We head to the car and just drive. "You wanna go home?"
"Nah, I'll go to a hotel tonight."
"I'll book you one."
When we arrive at this amazing lit hotel, I'm escorted to a garden suite that smells of natural flowers.
As Kasey turns to leave, he says, "Hey, I'm down with you, whatever, girl. You know, right?" He shakes his head. "I mean, I'm with you whatever, boo. You know that, huh?"
Sometimes, you just do things. You don't remember how they happened, especially when your mind is clouded with so much confusion. I remember pressing against his familiar form for comfort, the smell of him filling my nostrils, the feel of his eight-pack, tracing every tattoo along his biceps to keep from screaming, the heat, the pain, the blood, the regret, the guilt...I really intended to make this moment special on my wedding night after we had said "I do." He had too, believe it or not; it was one thing we agreed on, but grief, anger, and loss can make you do some crazy things. I woke up in the morning with a headache in his shirt, his arms wrapped around me. At least---unlike so many of my other friends---he had stayed the next morning pressed against me, and he was someone I loved, for all that I knew of love. All I can say is wait...it's not worth it, so wait. I lost so much in those twenty-four hours. My phone rang again---I had thirty missed calls.
"Mom?"
"Where ARE you? We've been calling you all night..."
"Dad? I'm with Kasey..."
"At least you're safe, I guess." He takes a deep breath. "Yolonda, your brother was shot. He ran off with Kasey's brother and his friend Jaylen during track practice. They were in the wrong place at the wrong time---"
I shove on my jeans, despite the pain in my abdomen like my bladder is about to explode. "Is he okay----"
"Just get down here."
Kasey is up and shoving on his jeans as well. "I heard. Just go. I will meet you at the car."
I race down the hall as sanely as possible, but once Kasey pays, he grabs me, hurrying me to the car. He hits 90 down the express way to the hospital, and I really just want to cry.
"Be strong, boo. Your brother needs you to be strong."
"I need to change clothes."
"What?!"
"I can't go in looking like THIS!" I indicate the blood that has seeped to my jeans and the smelll of sweat, anything but romantic. the thrill that intrigued me throughout my high school years died last night.
"Fine, there's a walmart."
Going in the store, I grab a blue Tshirt and some jeans. He pays, and I change in the bathroom. He changes into a Tshirt from the back of his car.
When we join our families, I am filled with even more guilt. Everyone is morbid. Jaylen's aunt and uncle are here along with Kasey's parents. Mom reaches for me, and I hug her. Kasey's mom---red hair greasy and blue eyes outlined by bags---takes his arm while his father snatches the hat off his son's head.
"He's been asking for you," Daddy replies.
Without a word, I am led to my brother's room. "Scoota, you awake?"
"Hey, where you been?"
"What were you THINKING, Scoota, running around like that? Mom was looking for you? Running off from track practice, boy?"
"I just wanted to be cool like Albert, you know? Kody is in a gang, so I wanted to join too."
"What? Are you stupid?"
"But then some guys drove by---and---"
His heart monitor starts beeping off the radar, and I shake him a little as a nurse arrives. She changes some cords and sit him up. He coughs up blood, and I wince.
"Scoota!!!" I scream. "Scoota!!!!"
"Ma'am, we need you to leave."
Kasey arrives from the other room with his brother to escort me out. I fight him all the way, only to cry into his chest.
"We need to go back to the waiting room."
"No!" I snatch away. "I won't leave him again."
I sink against the wall, my head pounding. Kasey sinks beside me, pulling me close. The lights flicker above us, and I wish it would all stop.
When the nurses finally have him stable, she offers me to go back in to join Nelson for dinner.
"How are you feeling?"
"Better. They gave me some morphine." He is back to his spunky self. "You want some jello? Green is your favorite, right."
"Yeah, sure."
"Cheer up. I hate to see you so down. I'm going to be fine."
"Alright, little dude." I ruffle his curls, and he smiles his beautifully dimpled smile, braces gleaming.
"So did you ever finish your book report?"
"Almost, but I need you to help me with the grammar."
"Okay, Scoota, but I'm not writing it this time." I finger some whipped cream on his nose.
His giggle is music to my ears. Mom and Dad join us, and mom greets us in Japanese, too excited to remember English. She says something like, "Both of my babies are safe, how could I be happier?!"
"Albert wanted to see you." Daddy nods to the door. "Take a few minutes to visit him. He and his dad had a long talk."
Looking at Nelson captivated by whatever crazy cartoon is on TV, I agree to a short visit.
Albert has been removed from intensive care to the another floor. His dad leaves us in privacy, smiling for once.
"So, he finally tapped that, eh?"
I roll my eyes. "Not funny, Bertie. What now? Guess it'll be the highlight of your man circle in the locker room."
"Nah, Yolo. Kasey isn't like that. You know why I said he's good for you? He's real about you, like...when I had Hayley, I bragged to the whole basketball team." He shrugs. "That's why I say I'm no good for you right now. I don't even know if Hayley and I are going to make it. Kasey always talking about a future with you and stuff. You make him want to be a better man, but he is always down for you. Ya'll are like that Asian thing..."
"Yin and Yang?"
"Yeah, like for real." He clears his throat. "I know you wanted to wait til marriage, but you know, don't be too hard on yourself."
"Oh, I'm still serious. I just got caught up. It won't happen again."
"Kasey is good people, and hard times make people do crazy things. I'm sorry---"
"Don't be. We're cool."
"Good."
"So, you knew about Kasey gangbaning?"
"Yeah, he's the legendary Oreo OG on the streets---light-skinned crazy butt, got plenty of street cred, but since he met you, he's been trying to get out of it, just his dad don't make it easy, but he's going to Howard...only one of the five brothers to go to college. Everyone else in jail and shit, like it's hard to make your own path with that lot about you, but he's trying for you, girl. I can vouch."
"Yeah, I know. We're back together."
"Closer than ever, huh?"
He laughs as run a seat cushion on his face. "Hey, all the germs!" he screams, and I keep laughing.
Hesitantly, he asks, "How's the little man?"
"He's better. I think he's going to be fine."
"Good. Hate to think something happened to him trying to follow in my footsteps. This year has just been hard, but I'm going tonget it right."
"I have faith in you."
"Good to know. After all, you got my back everyday."
"You know it."
"Movie night this weekend? The three of us?"
"For sure."
As I venture back to my brother, I find Kasey in the hall running fingers through his dark curls.
"What's wrong? How's Kody?"
"He's good, but I just got word my boy Redbird got killed---the guy I was talking to earlier----he got shot last night trying to protect the boys. Like a brother to me, would have gone to the sword for me. Man, what have I done?"
Intertwining my fingers with his, we just stand for a moment. "Forgive yourself, Kase, just have to forgive yourself and try to live for his memory."
A year later:
My parents snap yet another picture as Kasey stands with his arms around me. He turns my tassle to the side, and I trace Redbird's name tattooed on his arm.
"He would have been proud, Handsome." I meet his blue gaze. "Thanks for coming all the way from Howard to see me---"
"As if I would be anywhere else."
Albert grins. "Let's GO, yin and yang, procession is starting."
Kasey gives me one last kiss, and I hug Mom and Daddy before walking across the stage. As I prepare to give my valedictorian speech, I fix my little bowtie. "Here we are, class of 2019, ready to face our lives. For those who don't know, I almost lost my little brother last year, now I take more time than ever to tell him how much I love them or argue with him or tickle Nelson until he pees." Gentle laughter...I smile at my family. "Unfortunately, my fiancé Kasey lost his best friend to gang violence, and many other families were devastated, I know." I finger the little locket Kasey got me to match my engagement ring when he proposed on my birthday this past September. "Many people ask me if we are angry with God, but I can only say that He is not to blame. God didn't make those people shoot my little brother, or Kasey's little brother Kody, or their friend Jaylen, or Darius, so my answer is no...if it wasn't for the Lord's grace and mercy through all this---I don't know where me or my family would be today. Our church has been SO SO supportive." I look out at my youth pastor and his family. "What killed Darius aka Redbird was stupid people. We all have freewill to choose good or bad, and some people choose to hurt other people instead of help them. I have chosen to help them; I loved the hospital staff that was there for us through this all, so I have decided to become a pediatrician. I intend to chase this dream to the very end...for my family, for our dog Curly who was the best therapy for my brother, and, most of all, for Nelson Alexander, Jr. So, class of 2019, keep chasing your dream." Nelson bounds to the stage to hug me, and I embrace my little brother gratefully. Applause and tears.
Kasey and I set flowers in front of Redbird's tombstone ----smiling, light hearted. The white petals float on the wind, and I can almost hear his laughter. Curly and Kasey's pit bull Jax chase them through the hilltops.
"He'll never be forgotten," Kasey reads the message engraved on the golden plaque.
"Nah, never."
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