Chapter 2 (Formidilosus)
I must have turned during the night, I was lying on his chest. The smell woke me, this was not Michaelus. It was Sam. I screamed, fear tore through my body, I was shaking uncontrollably.
“Get out! Sam, get the hell out of my room.’
“That is not my name, sweet Abigail, and an hour ago, you slept soundlessly in my arms, you might, just as well get used to it.’ I hit him with all the force I had, where the hell was Michaelus, and why was this creature in my bed, I got up as Mich appeared in the door way.
“Get out.’ He bellowed. Sam straightened his suit, he always wore a suit. He smiled at Mich, then walked past him, he bumped Mich out of the way. They were the same height, I had never noticed it before. Mich pushed Sam against the door frame, it creaked under the pressure. “You are not welcome here, the next time I find you here, will be the last time.’ said Michaelus to Sam. He smiled. Mich never smiled, not even when I was a child, he has the ultimate stone-face, I only realised that now. Mich never showed emotions, however, the anger that radiated off his body was tangible.
Mich, was at my side in a flash. “Did he hurt you?’
“No, Mich, where do you go, while I am sleeping?’ I got the whole head shake, so I got back into bed. It frustrates me when I ask him a question and he shakes his head at me, that is the pinnacle of, I will not get an answer. I needed answers, if Sam can come and go as he pleases, that leaves me in his mercy, and Mich comes and goes, that leaves me alone. I know he is listening to my thoughts, just as I know he will not answer me. I tried to sleep, even with Michaelus next to me, fear gripped my soul. He put his arm gently on my shoulder as not to frighten me, I turned and lay my head on his chest, the shaking would not subside.
“I won’t let him hurt you.’ This time I shook my head. “Mich, tonight has proven just how wrong you are, he confirmed that he was here for an hour, an hour is a bloody long time, and you were not here, so keep your promises, they mean nothing to me.’ Mich stood up. I am not sure where he went, only that he did not leave the apartment. The truth hurts, I should know, I woke up in Sam’s arms and Michaelus was nowhere near me to protect me.
I woke up at 5am, tired, angry and confused, I had a bath, I greeted Mich, he had made coffee, I made us breakfast. I knew he would be at the shop when I opened. I also know he is as confused as I am. The snow covered the earth, it looked so peaceful and serene this time of the morning. I left early, no reason to sit here in silence. I checked the cash and change in the cash register. Then I checked the shelves, I should be busy, it is a few days to Thanksgiving, and my trinkets and knick-knacks sold well this time of the year. Mich stayed in the storeroom. I offered him coffee, it was cold in this side of the store. I have never asked him if he feels the cold, and I am too mad to do it now.
I opened at half past seven, and to my surprise, it got busy, the people were welcoming and brought me treats, by nine, a few shelves were empty. When the coast was clear, Mich would swoop in and fill a shelf or dry the tiles for me. I thanked him.
By lunch time, I was starving, so I placed the “Will be back in 5” sign on the door. I went to the nearest tea room and ordered two of each, the cashier looked at me in shock, but what I eat is none of her business. I paid and left, ate with Mich, and opened the door, but damn it was cold, so I left the open sign on the door, and it got busy again. I do like the people, even the youngsters, they have manners and not once did I feel like an outsider.
An American Indian came in, I am used to the people, the ones that have turned to Christianity, frequently came into my other shop. We spoke of so many topic’s especially Angels, he still held on to his own beliefs, which did not exclude Angels, he bought a stunning Angel for his daughter. Oh my heart sank, daughter, equals wife, so o lost out big time. Oh I am human, and they are gorgeous. Mich gave me a look after the client had left, so I pull a tongue at him. “If jealousy is part of your genetic makeup, Michaelus, then don’t leave me alone….’ The store was empty, he was standing right behind me, he placed his hands on my waist, it circled my waist, and then turned me to face him. “I report to another Angel, Abi, about you, about me, and about Sam. It is all recorded in your Book of Life, that is where I go, when I leave you, and I am hoping this Angel will get me back home”.
I looked up at Mich, he would see the door clearly over my head. Damn the heat. My shit, he bent his head and he kissed me, oh no not a peck on the cheek, oh hell no, he dove right in there and I nearly died. I have never been kissed like this. Yeah a few kisses at school and in college. But this kiss, touched my soul. You know my mind said, push him away, a few times, but this bloody body moved closer, until I had my fingers in his hair, he had tied up his hair, I broke the little band and I ran my fingers through his hair, over his shoulders, down his back, then he stopped, and flew back into the storeroom. I was so relieved it was a browser, I need to wash my face. The lady was interested in a box I had not unpacked.
Dread flooded my heart, I know the box has not been here the whole day, so this must be a special delivery from Sam.
The client lifted the wooden word from the box. “Luxuria” and asked if she could buy all of the words, all seven deadly sins, and Lust was lying on top. I sold it to her, hoping that damned box would stay away. Lust repeated in my mind, when she left. “Is that what that kiss meant?” I asked myself in my head. This time he answered, “No, that is not what it meant to me, Abi, I was showing affection towards you, love, I think that is the correct word, but never lust, you are pure, I can never think of you in such a vulgar manner”.
“Then why did you kiss me?’ We were having this conversation telepathically while I was serving the clients. “Because I love you”, said Mich. I thanked the clients, then retorted. “So much for saving your soul Michaelus, those emotions are a no-no”. He did not answer, he can stop all communication, and go into full mute-mode.
“Oh Mother of God”. This I did say out loud. Sam walked into the shop. Dressed to perfection. The ladies in the store stared, they almost reached out and touched him. He greeted them, then browsed. I told Mich not to move a muscle, now was not the time to fuck up, then I said a few Hail Mary’s and a few Our Father’s. Honestly, that just slipped out. Fear is making me lose my mind, yeah coming unhinged is an understatement. Sam bought a few things, and did not take the change I left on the counter. The women were saying that they had never seen him in town before, and how attractive and chivalrous he was. And I thought, please, take him.
Mich dried the floors and packed the shelves. “Abi, marry me”, was all he said when he passed me to the storeroom. The afternoon was busier, so we did not speak in any way or form, by four pm, a blizzard blew outside. So I locked up, so did most of the stores around me. I cashed up, it was a very productive day, and my feet felt cold and sore.
All the stores closed early. I was trying to remember what I had bought, I shall make soup, Mich likes soup. The blizzard shook my little car, I was nearly home when Sam appeared in the seat next to me. He grabbed the wheel, or I would have driven into a tree. “Drive past your home”. I wanted to tell him to go to hell, but I drove past. I tried to call Michaelus, but Sam blocked my thoughts. “Don’t do that, I want to talk to you alone, without your Guardian Angel”. We drove into the forest. It was getting cold. “I do not like the fact that he kissed you, Abigail, I told you, you are mine, and I do not share, so warn that so called Angel, that if he ever does that again, there will be dire consequences”.
I was in front of my apartment, as if I had never driven past. I parked my car in the garage, and walked up the few steps. Mich opened the door for me. “What did he say to you?” I narrated what Sam had said, I kicked mu boots off for a pair of fluffy slippers, then went into the kitchen to cook. Mich had chopped up all the vegetables for the soup. “We don’t have bread, sorry, and all the stores are closed.’
He sat by the counter. “I will not take orders from the likes of him”. I think Mich was saying it more to himself than to me. The soup smelt lovely, but I needed to go to the store. I love baking, and Mich has a huge appetite. In his own way, he contributes to the food. In my other shop, I would find an extraordinary ornament, which sold at an high price, it always sold, and today, I know, Mich was responsible for the antique items I sold, I accepted this. We were partners, well business partners.
I had a bath while the soup simmered. Mich had the television on, connected the wi-fi for me, and the surround sound system. I had brought all the treats home, my neighbours had given me today, so we had desert. We ate at the table, then did the dishes, no punishment today, while I watched my programme, Mich had a shower, it will be easier to buy him clothes now, on line shopping and delivered to my door.
He sat next to me, I know he enjoys a good movie, we have watched countless movies together throughout the years, shame, he had to endure the Mickey mouse stage and the High school musical stage, well he never complained, now that we have our own place, oh that does not sound right in my head, he can chose what he wants to watch. I got up and made tea, and brought a plate full of treats, cakes and biscuits and pastries, well I can remember having one cupcake and a biscuit, the rest well, I won’t name names or point fingers. He pulled me against his chest, then covered me with a blanket, shit, this time it’s on me.
I pulled his head down and I kissed him, his lips so sweet from the icing sugar, and the kiss deepened, I turned and sat on his lap, and the passion or lust, exploded between us, I put my hands under his shirt, all muscle and so warm, I kissed his neck, I bit his ear, and he made strange noises, then I licked him, and he tossed me onto my back, and lay on top of me, he kissed my neck, then between my breasts, then he lifted my shirt. Have I mentioned that I don’t want him to go to hell. Oh but the feel of him. He removed my top, then my bra, yes, I know, my mind was screaming at me to stop.
Then he kissed my breasts, one then the other, he licked me, then bit my erect nipples, and I squealed under him. My body needed him. I pulled his sweater off then his shirt, and our bodies touched. The fire, and the desire. I cannot nor shall I try to explain it, he found my mouth again, the next second his wings opened, and Sam pulled him off me. I did not see where they went. I felt ashamed and had a shower. How can human emotions be so bloody confusing, from desire to utter shame, I did pray, but it did not erase my guilt. I went to bed. Shit, I have no idea what those two are doing to each other. Maybe I should marry the first man that asks me, then no more guilt, and I can save Michaelus from hell fire and damnation.
I fell asleep, but I woke up the minute he lay next to me. I looked at him, no cuts or bruises. “Mich, are you all right?”
“Yes, Sam says, you need to choose. Him or me”. I swallowed. “What if I chose neither of you?’
“The prophesy has made it clear, you need to marry one of the Fallen, plus, you don’t have a choice. When your Mom was thirteen, she and her friends played a game, and they called up, well something. Things went from bad to worse, and the candles went out. When your aunt Bridgette switched on the lights, there was blood on Ruth’s mouth. They thought she had bitten herself.’
“Mich, don’t shake your head, please, who’s blood was on my Mom’s mouth?’’
“Azza, he is known as “The Strong”, and that he had waited for your birth, your abilities, are given to you by him, the one you call Sam”. I sat up, then I took Michaelus hand. “Who are you?”
He shook his head. “Not the one you should fear, I have never been to hell, well not yet, I am not condoning my actions, Abi. However, what I brought to the earth was not a bucket of hate, merely, philosophy, logic and ethic’s, more I am not ready to say”.
“Very well then, what is happening between us?”
“I don’t know Abi, I have tried to hide or subdue my feelings for you, but I fail every time, as you say, I come unhinged, and tonight, I think it went too far, I won’t allow that to happen again”. I was astonished. “So, I don’t have a say in the matter?” he shook his head, oh I was spitting mad by now, so I chased him out of my room and I closed the door. I wish I had someone I could confide in, my emotions are all over the place, I don’t know what love is, or passion, even what sex means, in my religion, if one has sex, outside the confines of marriage you will go to hell. I don’t know if I am in love with Mich, my Mom never had those kind of talks with me. I am so scared. I am scared to love him, and I am scared to lose him. Now that is selfish, that much I can admit to myself. I lay awake for a long time. I need to sleep. The days are long and cold, and I cannot neglect my shop. I do not want to go back home, I need to stay here. I said this would be my home, yet in a span of a few days, I think I have fucked up, more than I have in all my twenty-five years. Yeah, I need to go to Mass.
I got up, I needed a cup of tea. Michaelus, was not in the apartment. Oh bloody hell, all I need right now is for Sam to drop by. I made a strong cup of tea, and avoided the couch, so I sat on my bed. As I predicted, Sam arrived. “I do not like what you did, but I shall forgive you”. I stopped Sam right there and then. “Sam or Azza, whatever your name is, screw you, get the hell out of my home, you are not my God, nor my Dad, so pick up your feathers and go to hell”.
Sam was not in the least fazed by me, no sir, he smiled at me. Self-righteous bastard. Then he kissed me, oh hell no, not twice in one night, I threw my tea in his face, what a waste of good tea. “I shall forgive you…”
I slapped him. He grabbed my hands. “The next time you do that, you will regret it”. I believed him, his dark eyes turned blood red, oh yes, I absolutely believed him, and I made the distinct difference between Sam and Mich. Sam was not good, he was as evil as evil can be, and if I want to live, I need to seek protection. So I made up my mind after he left, to find a Psychic in this town, or a neighbouring town, and I could tell a charlatan from the real deal, well thanks to my demonic blood. That was another thing I need to know, if it is possible to have demonic blood, and then to ask the million dollar question, am I destined for Hell?
I did not sleep, and Mich did not come home. I got up at five, had a shower and drove the short distance to my shop. I found the phone-book, and I started searching for my rescuer. And I found her, well I hope my instincts were right. I opened at half past seven, and it was another busy day. I had to wash the floors myself and pack the shelves, I did not mind, this is my shop and my human life. I went to the store and bought what I needed for home, dropped it off, then re-opened my shop. Sam came in, and he bought a few things, only the most expensive ornaments I had in the store. We did not speak, he thanked me and left. Then I got busy, and he returned with a cup of tea for me, I was reluctant to drink it. However I did, and here I am alive to tell the tale.
I miss Mich, I phoned and made an appointment for that evening. Once I had spoken to Lydiana, I felt better, she was normal, and kind. And the real deal. Before I cut the call, she said to me. “Rather the devil you know, than the devil you don’t.” I was sold and hooked. I watched the clock the entire day. I closed at four. Cashed up, it was another good day. I stopped at home. Packed the groceries. Had a shower. Then put in her address into my GPS, and I drove slowly in the snow. I said my prayers. I blessed myself. And I begged God, to give me answers, and to forgive me, for my lack of control the previous night. I found her home, it was a stunning old building.
Her home was welcoming, and warm. Lydiana offered me tea, and I accepted. Her home was a double storey, a renovated Victorian house. The atmosphere put me at ease. We spoke about my shop. Her home was filled with Angels and Saints. Lydiana, assured me, she would visit “Tinker-bell”.
She asked me about my apartment, and then she asked me what I thought of my land lady. At that stage, we moved into her Healing room. The conversation was fast becoming serious. Before I could answer, she asked me to remove my jacket and shoes, and to lay on her bed. She balanced my chakras, and she made a few notes. Her hands were exceptionally warm. I lay there for a while, she handed me a glass, of water. I sat up and my head was spinning. I have been to Healers before, so I know this sensation is from the energy exchange. And it cemented my trust in Lydiana. She was a lovely lady, I could not pin point her age, she seemed ageless. She asked me to take a seat at the table. Then she folded her hands, and asked me the same question. “What do I think of Lucille?” This time she called her by her name, I did not find it unusual, this is a very small town, but her next question, had my full and undivided attention. “Abigail, do you love Michaelus?, he does love you, he always has, and his intensions towards marriage is pure”. I hope Lydiana can’t read minds, I was floored.
“I shall start with Lucille, I thought, I could trust her, but the second she asked me about Mich, it felt like she has been spying on me. As for Mich. He is the reason I am here. I don’t know how I feel about him, things have changed between us in the past few days, and I have not seen him today, he has been my best friend for so many years, that I never classified him as a man, but since I moved here, that has changed, we have changed, and I am scared. Not of him, I will never fear Mich. I fear losing him, but I don’t know if I am in love with him”.
“I think a part of you is, the part you deny yourself, due to your strict upbringing, and then there is Sam, you are attracted to him. Don’t deny it Abigail, or I can’t help you. I will not sit here and prove to you what I am, you have made up your mind, that you can trust me. As for Miss Brooks, I have not met her, neither shall I chose to, she will treat you well, but she is a snoop and a gossipmonger. The day you moved into your apartment, she was sitting in her car watching you, she does not know, what Michaelus is, that is the only good news I have on this matter, and she will soon move on from you to the next poor sod who moves to Deadwood. She will forget about Michaelus, because he stays out of sight. May I use tarot cards?”
I nodded. Lydiana placed a red cloth over the table, then took out her pack, she made three individual sets and asked me to choose the one I felt a connection to. I chose the middle pack.
She laid them out, and I could see every card. From the look on her face, it was not a good “read”.
I sat back, and watched her face, the more she saw, the deeper the furrow in her brow became. We sat in silence for a long time.
“I shall tell you all, but right now, I need to protect the both of us, and I need a drink, do you want a small sherry?’ offered Lydiana.
“Yes, absolutely.’ I watched as she lit incense and a few more candles. Then she removed a bowl of salt from under the table. She placed it in the middle of the table. Lydiana handed me a crystal and told me not to let go of it, while she did my reading. She left and handed me a rather large sherry. It calmed my nerves and warmed me all over.
Lydiana closed the drapes, then I heard her walk through the house, it had wooden floors. I assumed she lived alone, and from what I could feel, I believe I am right. She came back into the room, and closed the door. Then I heard her pray, she held her hands over the cards, her hands trembled. When she looked up, blood ran from her nose. She wiped the blood on her sleeve.
ns 15.158.61.6da2
