A/N- Adding more because it needs another 200 words. I'll add more later.
"I'm sorry, Lina. I really am. But I have to say good bye," I tell her sadly.
She looks at me, sad and angry, released and trapped.
"You already have. So have I. But I think that this time, you really mean it. Please tell me that you don't. Please," she says.
"One mustn't tell lies."
She smiles a bit at the Umbridge quote, but her eyes are begging me to say that I was being sarcastic, like always. I didn't want to be, but I was Sirius.
"You know I don't want to. I know that you know that."
"I do. And you know that I don't want to know that."
"That's not at all true. I hoped that you didn't want to hear that, sure, but I didn't really think it was true. Honestly, I still don't. Don't take this the wrong way, but you are a liar. I am too. But I at least tell half-truths and avoid the whole truth. Unlike you, I don't tell outright lies unless I have to," I tell her.
"That was uncalled for."
I shake my head.
"Sometimes the truth hurts. Honestly, you of all people should know that."
"Why now?" she asks. "Why not when we had arguments, when we were incredibly mad at each other? Do you really want to let that our ten years of friendship go? I just wanted some time, and I know I didn't tell you, but I would've though that you would know me well enough to know that."
" Two years ago, I probably would've said I knew everything there was to know about you. Now, it's like you've had your first kiss. With a dementor. But you're right," I tell her, and she looks relieved." You didn't tell me. If you did, I wouldn't have to leave. You should have told me that when I asked you what was wrong. You only told me parts, but not the important parts. You could have told me when we were texting with each other for months. You had time to tell me, but you didn't."
"Listen," she says.
"I am listening."
"I'm sorry."
"Been there," I say with each step away from her, smiling with no humor in my eyes. "Done that."
"Jay, wait,"she says.
"Why? What reason could you possibly have for me to wait? I'm done waiting, Lina." I say, still facing away from her so she couldn't see the tears that were gathering up in my blue-green eyes.
" Because I know you, Jay. You want to wait for me. Do you really want to leave it like this?" she questions. "A broken mess?"
I turn to face her, my face growing red with anger; my nostrils flared.
"What do you think? You've known me for long enough to know my answer to a stupid question such as the one that you just asked. Of course I want to "leave it like this"! It's my dream come true! I'm not the one who ran around trying to fix everything while you broke our relationship more and more, am I?! I'm not the one who hugged you when you were sad, no matter how irritated I was with you, am I?! If you don't even know what I was going to say, then why do you care? Oh. That's right. You don't."
"I know you well enough to know that you aren't ready to leave this in shambles, okay? I know you well enough that you still care. I still know you."
"Do you? Do you really? I think I know you as well as you know me. In other words, not at all."
"Jay. Wait until you are ready to let me go. Please."
"You don't think I'm ready to let go of a mess? You think I should wait?"
"You aren't ready, don't deny it, and yes, to be honest, yes. I think you might regret it later. Just give our friendship another shot."
I don't answer.
"Jay?"
" You're right on the first part. And, true, I might regret it. I probably will. But I will definitely regret it more if I don't, because if we wait until we're ready, we'll be waiting the rest of our life," I tell her, ignoring the last part of her statement, running away with tears in my eyes.
Trying to escape reality.
Hating the truth.
Running faster and faster.
Hating her.
Don't look back.
Hating the world.
You can't.
Hating me.
I do.
ns 15.158.61.20da2
