I was in a horse cart being taken away from my mother. I was not told where we were going. I suspected that I was being taken to a cold, dark and wet cell below a castle. I could be imprisoned there for the rest of my life or the soldiers maybe wanted to behead me. The uncertainty of what would happen to me was torture. My thoughts remembered mom on her knees crying in despair. It also must have been torture for her to see her daughter being taken away and not knowing what would happen to her. If the king wanted to punish my mom, this was the best way to do it.
I was taken to a convent in the middle of nowhere. It was surrounded by a huge wall and we entered through big wooden gates. The place was huge, with big stoned buildings and fields that were farmed on. The soldiers led me through long corridors where I could see nuns walking around, scrubbing floors or doing some other work. They wore black habits with the nun veil. There were huge wooden rosary beads hanging from a belt. The place was so clean, and yet dark and cold. It was also so quiet. The only sounds you could hear were the shuffling of feet or when someone coughed.
I was told to wait in a small room. The soldiers left me there all alone. I sat on an old wooden bench and looked around the room. There was nothing to see except two doors, stone walls and a big wooden cross. I was confused as to why I was at a convent. Was it a boarding school? In a way, I was happy that I was here and not on a guillotine. Still not knowing what my fate is made me a small bit afraid. It was like the times that I was outside the headmistresses office when I was in trouble. You knew that something bad was coming, but did not know what the punishment would be or when it would happen.
This old lady called me into her room which must have been her office. She took a seat at a huge desk and I stood before her. She told me she was the abbess of the convent. I would now be living in the convent as an Oblate. I had no clue as to what an Oblate was. The Abbess told me that I would be living in the convent with the nuns. I would have chores and an Education. I would be working very hard like the other oblates and the nuns. I would have time to pray to cleanse my soul from original sin. I was thinking none of this sounded fun, but the worse was yet to come. The Abbess told me that I would never leave the convent walls. I would be too busy being an oblate and when I was old enough, I would be a nun. This meant that I would spend the rest of my life as “God’s bride”.
Then I was told to take off the nice dress and put on the habit an oblate wore. It was a brown habit with the same huge rosary beads. The abbess told me that I could keep my long hair, which would be cut when I was ordained a nun. The habit was heavy and the material. It didn’t feel as nice as the dress did. I am sure that I would be itching a lot. I never did like the colour brown anyhow. The black robes did look better.
The Abbess was explaining to me the hierarchy at the convent. I was not listening all that much as I was trying to get used to the habit and the fact that I would be stuck at the convent for the rest of my life. I did understand that the Abbess was at the top and what she said was the law. I also understood that I had the bottom status at the convent, and I had no say and I had no right to decide anything or even have my own views.
The abbess told me she would explain the rules, and she would only tell me once. There were 3 rules I had to remember. The first rule was chasity. This would be an easy rule for me as I was still a child. It meant that I would never have a boyfriend or fall in love. This rule would be easy for me, as there were no boys in the convent to fall in love with. The second rule was poverty. This meant that I would never own anything. This would not be so hard. There was no mall in the convent where I could shop. The final rule was obedience. This meant that I had to do what I was told. This would be the hardest rule as I was not always obedient. My heart slumped because I knew this would cause trouble. I would do my best to do as I was told, however, I was not too optimistic.
The Abbess told me that the convent also had a rule of silence. This meant that I was not allowed to speak. The only time I was allowed to speak was when I was at prayers or when a superior asked me to. This shocked me. How could silence be something that God wanted? If he wanted people to be silent, he would not give us voices. I was never a silent type and my real parents would laugh at the idea that I was told I was not allowed to speak. I could only ever stay quiet for 5 minutes. This would be hard.
The Abbess told me that it was time to pray. We went to the convent chapel which was quite nice. The rest of the convent looked so poor and unfashionable, but the Chapel was beautiful. The nuns came in and started to pray. It was all in Latin and the prayers sounded like chants. I wondered if God really listened to this chanting. It was prayers from the psalms or something someone else wrote. There would be thousands of nuns chanting the same all over the world. Would this mean that God would be tired of listening to so many prayers that are the same? The good thing is when I looked around at the nuns, I could see that they were deep in prayer. They all looked like saints.
This made me think about why they wanted to be a nun. Why would they sacrifice a life where they could have a family and freedom. A life where they could speak. Did they become a nun to escape poverty or was their faith in God so strong they wanted to dedicate their whole life to him? Maybe they were forced to be in the convent like I was. I was told I would be here the rest of my life, and I did not have a choice. Still, it was better than losing my head.
After prayers, we had supper. After the events of the day, I was quite hungry. It was a bowl of porridge and bread and water. The Abbess said a very long prayer before we ate. I closed my eyes and was sure that everyone thought I was praying. In reality, I was thinking about how good a burger would taste. We finally had permission to eat. Everyone was silent except a nun that read from the Bible. This would be the routine from now on. Silence and eating while we listened to the Bible.
When we were done eating, the Abbess said it was time for Sister Ellen to do her penance. We were all led to a huge hall where Sister Ellen was tied to a pole. Then another nun started to whip her. I did not want to look at the poor nun being whipped, I looked around at the other nuns. They were praying for Sister Ellen's soul. I could hear each whip and the screams of Sister Ellen and when she pleaded to God for forgiveness. Whipping was inhumane and I doubt that she committed such a bad thing to warrant it. It seemed like such a cruel punishment.
I did not sleep well that night. The bed was hard and the little room I was in was dark. The whipping scared me. What If I made a mistake? How would I be punished? It made me think that a convent should be a place of happiness and a community where the nuns shared their strong faith. How could this be? I imagined that many of the nuns started as an oblate and were imprisoned here for the rest of their lives. There were strict rules and I experienced what would happen to me if I broke them. I hoped that the magic book would take me to a different time.
I was now an Oblate and even though I was with other nuns, I felt so alone. The rule of silence was so hard. I had many chores to do and I did not mind these. I did not mind the simple food. I did not mind the many prayers there were. What was hardest for me was the silence. I had so many questions that could not be asked. I missed the ability to speak with another human. I did not understand why we were forced to be silent. How did this bring us closer to God? I always spoke a lot and I admit that at times, it got me in trouble. I remembered getting demerits at school in my own timeline of 2020 when I spoke in class. Now I was forced to be quiet all day. I felt at times that I would explode and sing a song as loud as I could!
One of the jobs I had was scrubbing the floors. This was a chore that those lowest in the convents hierarchy had to do. It was a tough job. My body would ache as I knelt on the floor and scrubbed. I would try to think of good things as my tired arms continued the chore. I would try to think about anything but the pain I had in my knees. At times I would rest only to have a nun walking by and using sign language for me to get back to work. The worse thing was that when I scrubbed a floor that was so clean, a nun would walk on it and this resulted in the floor looking like it was never cleaned. It was good that the nuns could not hear me cursing in my mind.
There was another oblate there that was younger than me. I found out that her name was Mary. I wanted to speak with her and be her friend. It seemed so cruel that she was younger and an oblate like me. She should have been with her family and gotten the love her parents could give her. As we could not speak, It made me think of her circumstances. Why was she locked up in a convent?
Mary and I were allowed to speak at our daily lessons. We were taught Latin, catechism and plants and herbs. Being allowed to speak was great, but we were not allowed to speak with each other. This made Mary such a mystery to me. I felt sorry for her that she found the classes so hard. Mary must not have been used to school and at her young age, the lessons we had must have been very hard for her. They were hard enough for me. It was still Latin that was the hardest for me. I was sure that I would never learn it.
The abbess was pleased with me though. She called me in the office and told me she was happy that I adjusted so well to life as an oblate. I told her that the whipping scared me, and the chores often wore me out and gave me pains in my body. I also admitted that not being able to speak was torture. It made me feel so alone.
“You are not alone,” she said, “God is with you. Dedicate your work and thoughts to him. When work is too hard, let your suffering bring you closer to God. Suffering is worthwhile when we offer it to our Lord. Suffering cleanses our souls. So do not be afraid of hardship and a cross to carry.”
I wanted to sigh.
ns 15.158.61.5da2
