I've been hiding in my bedroom for the past half hour. There is nothing I can do to distract myself, because, if I did, I wouldn't be able to hear if Emma tried to come upstairs, so I'm sitting on my bed, staring at the posters on my wall, trying not to worry too much. Trying not to cry. Occasionally, I'd run to the window and look out to see if Mummy was back yet. She's still out with her friends, though, and I have to face the fact that she probably won't be back for hours. And why does that matter, anyway? I'm fine. I'm completely fine.
I wonder what she's doing, if she's even thinking of me. Probably not. She'll be having a great time, a lovely break from seeing little, miserable Luke. To be honest, at the moment, I've begun to believe that she cares more about Emma than me. Or, at least, she seems to believe what she says more.
Maybe Emma's just easier than me, in her eyes. I'm just the kid who's always grumpy.
Daddy. He has to be back soon, surely? He's only taken Bella to the vets, which can't take more than an hour. Unless he decides to stay out because Granny is here. Oh no. Of course he will.
Please let him be back soon I pray. Or Mummy, or anyone who can control Emma, who isn't soft and sleepy like Granny.
But still nobody comes. Not in the next minute, or even the next twenty. What if nobody ever comes at all?
There is a noise.
I jump up from my sitting position on the bed, my eyes darting around the room, my ears straining to hear which direction it came from, before I realize that it was a bird. Just a bird, but my heart is racing.
This has been happening for the last forty, no fifty, minutes. If there is any kind of bang, a voice or even a tweet from a bird, I'm on edge, my hands sweating, my forehead clammy. It's always nothing. Every time.
And it will always be nothing, because I've done everything Emma has asked of me, so she has no reason to come upstairs.
Emma. Her name makes me shudder, so I try not to think it. Instead, I plan. I think about a day when she'll be gone, when I'll have my house, my family, my happiness and my old life back, but that only makes me feel worse, knowing that things might never be the same again, than Emma might never leave.
Emma might never leave.
Imagine that.
I begin to cry. I've been doing a lot of that lately. I cry because I miss Mummy, and Daddy too, and Barney - even after all this time - and because I'm scared. I'm terrified.
I'm petrified of Emma.
Then there is a noise. A real noise.
I missed it through my tears.
Emma has been climbing the stairs, and I've been too busy crying to notice. The worst thing is I can hear she has already reached the top.
I have no time.
What should I do? There's no time to hide.
Can I escape? She'll see me run.
Omygod, what do I do? I frantically dive under the bedcovers.
"Lukey?" Her voice sounds so near, but I can tell she's not in the room yet.
Breathe slowly. In and out and in and out, just like you do when you're nervous.
This is beyond feeling nervous.
I'm too loud. I can hear every breath, so she must be able to, yet I can't breathe any quieter.
She'll see my body. She'll know I'm under the covers, but there's no time to hide elsewhere.
I'm moving too much. I can't stop my chest from rising and falling with every breath.
The door creaks open.
Hold your breath - it's the only way.
She's moving across the floor now. I can hear every footstep, coming nearer and nearer.
"Lukey?"
I can't do this. I can't be still. I can't not breathe.
It's getting harder and harder. I already feel breathless and it can't have even been a minute.
She's getting nearer.
That's it. You can do it.
I want mummy. I'm so scared.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
I'm trying with all my might.
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
But I can't hold it any longer.
So I let a little breath escape.
And Emma is silent.
I need more air.
I breathe out further.
But this time I'm too loud.
She's heard me, I know she's heard me.
There's nothing I can do but lay still.
The sound of my pounding heart is all I can hear.
Bam bam bam
My heart goes
Bam bam bam
There's still no other noise.
Bam bam bam
I can't breathe.
Bam bam bam
Emma must be able to hear it.
Bam bam bam
Bam bam bam
She's moving again.
B-bam bam bam
She's reached the head of my bed.
B-bam bam bam
There's something on my bed
B-bam b-bam bam
B-bam b-bam bam
It must be her hand
B-b-bam b-b-bam b-b-bam
B-b-bam b-b-bam b-b-bam
B-b-bam b-b-bam b-b-bam
She's tearing back my bed covers.
There is a knife at my throat,
And it's cold, and it's sharp, and it's cutting into my neck.
I'm pinned down by her body,
There's no way to escape.
"I'm sorry, Lukey."
I can see her cruel, bloodshot eyes, her jet-black hair. I can see my fear reflected in her pupils. And I can see the true Emma.
The Emma that nobody else has seen.
But me.
Only me.
Only ever me.
Mummy, I scream inside. Mummy, come save me.
But she's too busy having lunch with her friends.
And there's somebody screaming. Their voice is hurting my ears.
Why are they screaming?
Wait... it's me.
I'm screaming.
I can't stop screaming.
"It's the only way."
I don't understand.
I'll never understand.
She's raising the knife, so it's too late to understand.
Help me
Somebody
Help me
Please
But nobody comes.
Nobody will ever come.
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