TW mentions of suicide
101Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpODLLePDlh
I don’t know exactly how it started, but it became something I couldn’t handle.
It all started when I went to school that day.
“Alright, class,” Mr. Ackerman said, “Make sure you study for your test on Friday, I’ll be grading them on your skills alone.”
As he said this, I felt a voice in the back of my head say, “Lies, he’s lying.”
I looked around, looking for the culprit. But nobody was near me to say anything. I shrugged it off a little, since Mr. Ackerman already seemed a bit biased and a liar too.
This continued throughout the day. Every time someone lied, a voice in my head said they were lying. But if they told the truth, the voice wouldn’t say anything.
“Hi, Jocelyn,” I finally said to my best friend, Jocelyn, at lunch. “Can I hang out at your house later?”
“Sorry,” Jocelyn said, “I can’t. I’ll be really busy later.”
“Lies. She’s lying.”
”Oh,” I answered her, staring at my tray. “That’s okay.”
”Look,” Jocelyn put her hand over mine, “I’d really love to, but I really can’t. I’ll be very busy tonight.”
“Lies,” the voice continued to say, “She keeps lying”
”Shut up,” I told the voice aloud, I didn’t need it to keep telling me these things.
“Huh?” Jocelyn asked.
”Nothing,” I answered, not looking at her.
—
Later that night, I texted my boyfriend, Jack.
“I’ve been having a bad day, Jack,” I texted, waiting for him to respond.
”Really?” He texted back, “What happened?”
No voice yet. He must actually care about me, unlike Jocelyn.
“Well, I just feel like people keep lying to me. They won’t tell me what they really think, but I know that they’re lying.”
”That’s too bad,” Jack responded.
”You wouldn’t lie to me, would you Jack?” I asked, waiting as the speech bubble showed the three dots, indicating he was typing.
”No, never.” Was his answer, and the voice immediately screamed in my brain.
”Lying! He’s lying! He’s lying to you!”
I clutched the sides of my head, shutting up the voice. Deciding to test how much he was lying to me, I asked him another question.
”Jack, do you think I’m beautiful?”
“Of course you’re beautiful!” Jack texted, “Why would you ask something like that?”
“He’s lying again! Lies, lies, lies!”
”I’m going to bed,” I texted Jack, throwing my phone across the room as I burst into tears.
Everyone was lying to me. Nobody ever told the truth. It was becoming too much for me to handle.
—
This went on for months. It got to the point where going out in public became the worst thing that ever happened to me. Everyone lied to each other.
My parents were becoming more and more concerned about me. They were afraid of why I wasn’t talking to anybody, and made me go to therapy.
Even my therapist lied, saying she wouldn’t tell anybody about what happened. She was lying.
Lies. Lies. Everybody lied.
One day, I walked over to the bridge, staring into the dark waters below. I couldn’t handle this anymore. Everybody on this world lied about everything. Nobody told the truth about anything.
I sighed, trying to get up the courage to jump. But I couldn’t do it.
”Why the long face?” A voice asked.
I turned to look at the person standing next to me. He smiled, holding out a hand for a handshake.
I took it reluctantly, then asked, “Who are you?”
“My name’s Alex,” he answered, shaking my hand.
”Katherine,” I put my hand back in my jacket pocket. “But you can just call me Kat.”
”Well, Kat,” Alex glanced at the water below the bridge, “I think I know what you were about to do just now, but if I’m wrong, you don’t have to take my advice.”
”And what’s that?” I raised an eyebrow.
Alex put a hand on my shoulder, looking into my eyes. “It gets easier. I may not know what you’re going through, but if it helps, I can be your friend.”
There was no voice. No indication he was lying at all. He really wanted to help.
I sighed, watching my breath fog up in front of me. “Yeah,” I answered, “Yeah, that’d be nice.”
He didn’t lie. Not at all.
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