I could lie and say that I don't know why I choose to write, but the truth is, I know exactly why I write. I write to be heard. This may not sound really significant, but please, allow me to explain.
For years, I had all these words pinned up inside me, but no way to say them. I was non-verbal, not because I couldn't talk, but I couldn't bring myself to talk for fear of saying the wrong thing. Years of emotions built up inside me, and even with the knowledge of sign language, the ability to truly express myself wasn't there.
When I write, I can escape the hell I lived for the early part of my life. The abuse, bullying, self hatred, it all fades away for a short period, replaced by the words sprawled on a sheet of paper, computer screen, or across my skin. He the monsters that ran loose in my mind could be captured and put away into a cage built of words. The need to end it all is replaced with the plea of understanding underneath poems of self-harm, self-hatred, and a past that can't be escaped.
I write, because if I don't, the pent of sensory triggers, emotions, memories, and self hatred will destroy me. Once I would have welcomed it, but now fear it. So I write, to escape a world I don't belong in, even if only for a little while.
ns 15.158.61.20da2
