Reverting back into the life that I had 'lived' when I was twelve. That is my greatest fear.
I did not know how to speak when I was twelve, but not in a literal way. I just didn't know how to communicate with people. I was home schooled for a long time before turning twelve, but after that I had to go to a normal high school. I had no experience with interacting with kids my age so I just stayed quiet.
It was a decision that I would soon regret. Everyone thought that I was strange, because I would always sit by myself on my desk. They were uncomfortable with having me in their groups, and they didn't want me to be their seatmate.
Nobody would talk to me. My only comfort were the books that showed met he lives of people like me, and how they reached their own happy endings.
The loneliness was excruciating. I couldn't take it. I kept blaming myself for being so scared of making friends, and it became anger. At random times I would grab my ruler and start writing messages on my arm. These words would turn into a very angry red, and sometimes I would end up scraping my skin.
Going through this life is something I don't want to do again. This is the thing that scares me most.
ns 15.158.61.46da2
