Over the following days, I couldn't help but notice a definite change in Winter. Where once she had been the heart of our little family – bright-eyed and bubbly, spreading joy wherever she went – she was now quiet, often clinging to me in some way, shape or form with a look of unspoken sadness in her eyes. When I asked her what was wrong, however, words failed her just like they did me and her little eyes simply welled with tears. It seemed, even to the most distant of observers, as though the spark in her eyes had died along with our Mother.
The only time I would see glimpses of the real Winter was when I would sit with her in the rocking chair and sing to her at night. In those fleeting moments, her heart seemed to find remnants of peace and as she lay pressed to my chest a small smile would creep across her face. Sometimes she would even hum along while playing with my fingers, tugging and bending them absentmindedly as my voice filled the house.
The truth was, our lives were turned upside down by the loss of our Mother. Routine went out of the window and for many days I didn't go to school or even leave the house. My priority was Winter, of course, but I struggled to pull myself together even for her. Whether she could tell I was drowning in a sea of struggles or not, I don't know but it wasn't until the end of the next week (almost thirteen days after Mother's passing) that I received my first wake up call.
I was laying on Mother's bed early one morning, a tightness in my chest as I fought back tears, memories coming unbidden into my head.
"Yosha," Winter called, crawling up onto the bed beside me.
A few moments passed.
"Yoshaaaa," she called me again, leaning over me, blonde hair cascading past her shoulders and onto me, her hands resting on my ribs.
Another few moments passed, my mind drifting between questions.
"YOSHA!" Winter's tone turned impatient, her little arms shaking me.
"I-I'm sorry little Cub, I completely zoned out for a moment," I sat up, my movements inadvertently pushing her so that she sat on my legs, "Is something wrong?"
"I'm hungry," her eyes turned sad, her voice soft.
"Hey, it's okay, I'll make us something to eat," I reached up and gently brushed her hair off her face and behind her ear.
"We don't have anything," Winter's voice was barely audible.
"What do you mean?" I asked, my brow furrowing, "Of course we do."
She shook her head side to side, a tear making tracks down her cheek, "All the food Mama got us is gone."
Panic gripped my heart. Of course the food Mother had bought for us had run out. With just the two of us it had gone down a little slower but it hadn't started to magically replenish itself and I hadn't left the house to get more. My heart racing, I pulled myself to my feet and crossed to the fireplace. On the ledge above it sat Mother's purse. It felt so wrong to take money without her permission but there wasn't a whole lot I could do about that now. I picked the purse up and slipped it into my trouser pocket.
"Come on little Cub," I turned to where Winter in anticipation at the foot of the bed, "it seems we need to take a trip to the farmer's market."
She dashed to my side, grabbing my hand with her tiny one as I lead her out the door.
"Yosha?" Winter's voice quipped after a moment or two, her head tilting up to me.
"Yes?"
"Don't you think I should have changed out of my nightgown first?"
I paused in the street for a moment and glanced back at the house a little ways down the road, then turned back to her with a smile, "I'm sure no one will notice."
"Okay," she replied as we started walking again, her hand swinging mine as we went, "Yosha?"
"Yes Winter?" I gazed down at her smiling beside me.
"Shoulders?" she asked, reaching her arms up into the air happily.
I grinned back at her, "Oh... alright!"
I bent down and scooped her up onto my shoulders, letting her get settled before straightening up again. As we walked, Winter pointed at different sights she could spot from up high and my heart felt a little lighter, despite the weight on my shoulders. It occurred to me briefly that there would come a day when Winter didn't need me the way she did now but I pushed the thought aside, content that in this moment she definitely did need me and she was happy.
As we arrived at the farmer's market, noise and smells drifted towards us, overwhelming my senses after so long cooped up in a two bedroom house. Winter, however, sat happily atop my shoulders – evidently pleased just to be out of the house. I glanced around, seeing endless stalls of fruit, vegetables, fresh bakery goods and meats. The question was, how much of it could we afford?
"Yosha?" Winter called, leaning her face over the top of my head, her hands reaching to my cheeks and tilting my face so that I looked at her.
"Yes little Cub?" I smiled softly at her.
"Those kids over there are playing hopscotch. May I go play?"
I glanced at the children, hesitant to let Winter go but knowing she needed company other than my own.
"I suppose so..." I tried to keep the worry out of my eyes and voice, "just stay where you can see me and I can see you, okay?"
Winter nodded, already sliding down my torso to go and play, "Thank you!"
I watched her go, nightgown trailing on the breeze as she ran, then turned my attention to the task at hand. Meat (though expensive) was the most important thing on the agenda, followed by bread to bulk up portions and then perhaps, if money allowed, I could but a small portion of fruit for Winter. I patted Mother's purse in my pocket, this was all we had and I would need to make it last.
As I finally finished up at the fruit stall, other groceries in hand, I couldn't help but notice a commotion back where I had started by the bakery stalls. Confusion creeping onto my face, I walked in the direction of a gathering crowd.
"I'm telling you there's trouble coming!" one of two men in the centre of the crowd hollered.
"Don't listen to him!" Quipped a woman from the gathered audience.
"He's nothing but a lunatic!" Another man yelled above the unsettled group.
"I'm not crazy!" The first man cried out, "I'm telling you we need to be ready!"
"Ready for what?" The man who had first been talking to him leered.
"I don't know... I don't know for sure but I think a war is coming..."
"Don't be stupid!" Another crowd member laughed.
"As if we would put ourselves through that again!" Someone jeered and the whole group broke into raucous laughter.
"You laugh now but you'll be sorry if I'm right!" The broken spirited man shouted, "Idiots, you're idiots the lot of you!"
Suddenly, a fist flew towards the young man's face and I grimaced. As the crowd started cheering for a show, I turned on my heels to find Winter. Things were going to get ugly and I didn't want any possibility of her in harm's way. When I looked back to where the children were playing, however, panic gripped my heart as I realised Winter was not with them.
"Winter?" I called, walking towards the group playing hopscotch.
No one responded and in terror I turned to look around the market. Where was her golden blonde hair amongst the thralls of people? Or her nightgown amongst their legs as they walked? Nowhere.
"WINTER?" I cried out, struggling to breathe.
There was no response and my heart sank. I turned back in the direction we had come from originally, looking for any sign of her. My eyes dashing from spot to spot, a sigh of relief escaped my lips when I caught sight of her sitting on the short stone walling that separated the lane from the grass banks. I ran towards her without a second of hesitation.
"Winter!" I called, gasping for air as I neared her, "Winter, why on earth did you leave the market square?"
I stopped dead in my tracks though when I noticed tears trailing down Winter's cheeks and onto her nightgown.
"Oh little Cub," I placed the groceries on the ground and scooped her up in my arms, "what's wrong precious one? What happened?"
"T-The other ch-children..." Winter sobbed, burying her face in my shoulder, "m-made fun of m-me for my n-nightgown..."
"I'm so sorry Winter, I'm so sorry, we should have gone back so you could put on your dress," I whispered, sitting on the wall where she had been and wrapping my arms tight around her.
"Y-Yosha?"
"Yes little Cub?"
"I m-miss Mama..."
My heart broke and the tears I had been holding back spilled over, falling onto Winter's soft hair, "I know... I miss her too."
We sat there holding each other for what felt like forever. When Winter's breathing slowed to normal and her tears had dried, I took the opportunity and glanced back towards the market where I saw the crowd had dispersed.
"Hey Winter?" I called, my voice barely above a whisper.
"Yeah Yosha?" her sad blue eyes turned looked deep into mine.
"I think I saw some coconut macaroons back at the bakers stall..." I smiled a little as she smiled at the thought, "would you like one?"
"Really? Could we really, Yosha? Those are my favourite!"
I couldn't help but grin at her excitement, pushing the thought of just how much even one macaroon would cost out of my mind, "Of course little Cub, let's go and get you one before we head home."
Winter grinned back as I picked up our groceries. Then she grabbed onto my sleeve, since my hands were full, and tugged me in the direction of the baker's stall.
For the next few weeks after that I spent my time staying home to look after Winter, who of course was unable to look after herself. School was in session but I had other obligations and they happened to have the benefit of keeping me far happier too. I busied myself at home. I cooked, I cleaned, I helped Winter stay warm and healthy. I made every effort to be everything that she needed – Mama, Papa and everything in between. And when she eventually fell asleep on my chest in front of the fire every night, that was when I could finally take off my happy mask and I would sit there for hours wondering what I should do next.
One morning though, a few months after Mother's passing, things changed a little.
"Yosha?" Winter made her way into the bathroom as I was getting dressed for the day, doing up the first few buttons on my shirt.
She was still in her nightgown and her hair was tangled from sleep, but for the first time since Mother's death I could see she was smiling all the way to her eyes.
I turned to her and knelt down, returning her smile, "What is it, little Cub?"
She reached out and laced her fingers through mine, "I found something! You have to come see, Yosha!"
So, with my tan trousers close to falling down and my white shirt only half buttoned, I let Winter pull me through the house and out into our small back garden. There she crouched down and beckoned for me to do the same. I remained standing, uncertain and quizzical.
"Look," she pointed to the bottom of an almost dead rosebush, "right there... see?"
"Winter you aren't supposed to be out here by yourself, you know that don't you?" concern etched across my face.
"I know Yosha but look! I heard him... see?"
I sighed a little and crouched down. I saw it alright. Tucked right in the middle of the twigs, beneath all the fallen leaves, was a small and ugly looking bird.
"He's hurt, Yosha," Winter whispered.
"How do you know?" I asked and Winter crept, on hand and knee, towards the little bird.
"He called me Yosha," she whispered softly as she got closer to it, "He called me because he is hurt, I just know it!"
Ever so gently, she wrapped her tiny fingers around the bird and picked him up to bring him back to me. The bird, to my surprise, made no attempt to flee but instead ceased its frightened song. I peered at it, unsure, and Winter stretched her arms out so I could see it properly for myself. I leaned down a little, my hands resting above my knees so that I was at the same level as Winter and the bird. Observing it for a moment, I saw that its frail little body was shaking and his left wing was torn.
"Can we keep him, Yosha?" Winter asked and crept closer to me, "He needs our help."
I thought a moment and, when I saw the hope in Winter's eyes, I couldn't help but nod. She leapt up and took the little bird inside with me jogging behind her.
"You'll need to be very attentive with him Winter. He needs food and water and maybe even some sort of temporary splint..." I trailed off.
Was a bird wing splint a thing? I didn't know. My thoughts were interrupted by Winter's voice drifting up to my ears.
"He's a bluebird, isn't he Yosha? Just like the bird on the necklace..." Winter looked hopefully at me as she crawled out from under Mother's bed, bird in one hand, shoe box in the other.
I nodded and she smiled, setting the shoe box on the table before pressing her thumb to the bird gem hanging around her neck.
"What are you going to call him, Winter?" I asked as I helped her tear apart one of my old shirts to be bedding in the birds new little home.
Winter stopped, sizing up her little bird quietly before smiling, "I think he should be called Corbin."
Sadness tugged at my heart but I brushed it off, "I'm sure this little bird will be happy to be named after Father."
---230Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡysjgzn02NE
