I was so confused. How would suffering bring me closer to God? I remembered When I time-travelled when I saw Jesus being crucified on the cross. He suffered for our sins in an ultimate way by being tortured and hung on the cross. I found it hard to believe that Jesus would want us to suffer to get closer to him. Did the nuns here misunderstand the love of Jesus and convince themselves that the only way to heaven was to suffer? I am sure that Jesus just wanted us to believe in him and lead a good life.
I could understand that some may suffer for their belief in times of persecution and when it was not allowed to believe in Jesus. This is martyrdom and something different than punishing yourself in order to get closer to God.
I was now getting used to life in the convent. It seemed as if the magic time travel book would not be taking me away from here and bringing me home to 2020. My day was a routine of prayers, hard work and lessons. I had no free time as every hour was planned. To be honest, I did not mind the life at the convent. The one thing that I did mind was the vow of silence. I missed someone to speak with. At times, I thought I was going crazy as I would find myself speaking with myself. This could never be a good sign.
One day Mary and I were weeding in the herb garden. I tried to whisper to her and tell her my name and ask her how she came to be an Oblate. Mary looked around to see if any nuns were around and then when the coast was clear, she told me that we were not allowed to speak. After some time she told me that her parents were poor and could hardly feed the family. Her parents bought her here, despite that she knew she would not be happy here. The one good consolation was that it would help her parents to get to heaven.
Mary and I talked when we could. She even started to smile. I felt sorry for her, as she did not want to be here. She told me that she cried at nighttime when no one heard. I knew that she felt sorry for me. Mary heard that I was the king's illegitimate daughter and the king was hiding me here out of the public eye. I was an embarrassment to him. You can say that the fact that we were both forced to be here gave us something in common. We agreed that we would be friends.
The Abbess knew that we talked and called us both to her office. We were warned that we would be punished if we were caught talking again. Then she told us that she had a responsibility to cleanse our souls as oblates. According to the Abbess, children were born as sinners and were easy targets for Satan and all the demons. She called it original sin. As children, she said we were carrying the sins of Adam and Eve, plus all our ancestors. Then the Abbess used me as an example. I was born out of wedlock and this was not God's intention. The Abbess said that I was a “bastard” and I carried this sin that my parents made.
Mary and I hardly spoke after this. Mary was terrified of the Abbess and was afraid of what the punishment would be. I did not believe what the Abbess said. I could not be held responsible for what happened in the Garden of Eden or what my parents did. I believe that children were born without sin and sinning was something that we have learned how to do.
All this made me miss my home in 2020 and my real parents. This made me cry at night in my small cell. I tried to remember how my parents looked. It was as if they were just a faded memory. I remember the good times we had and how they loved me and treated me as if I was the most important thing in their life. It made me think if the time travel book would ever send me back to them, or would I be stuck going travelling through history for the rest of my life. I could be stuck here at the convent for the rest of my life! Then my real parents would be reading about me as a saint!
I tried to make the most of my life at the convent. I did what I was told and tried to be very saintly. Still, I had no respect from the other nuns. They knew that I did not have parents that were married and the king would not recognise me as his daughter. I could see that they looked down at me as if I was dirt. It was hard not being liked or respected. It's hard that some thought I was a subhuman because my parents were not married.
I tried to cheer myself by singing. I would wait until I was alone and sing and sing until I started smiling again. This was bound to get me in trouble, and it did. One of the older nuns caught me and dragged me to the abbess. The Abbess made me stand and wait for her judgement for an hour. I remembered when the nun was whipped and thought this would be my fate. I could feel my heart galloping as I remembered every whip. I knew that this would never happen to a child in 2020, but I realized that children were not treated as children in history. They were treated as small adults. On top of that, this convent thought that children were sinners.
I was not whipped. The Abbess yelled at me for a long time and said that I would be fasting until she decided I should eat again. I was allowed to drink water. She hoped that this would cleanse my soul. So I was forced to work and pray now that every time the nuns ate. The worse punishment was when they told me to sit and watch them eat while I drank water. I never thought that the gruel they ate tasted good, but when you are hungry, it looked like the best meal ever!
Fasting was hard. At first, I could feel my body begging for food. I didn’t expect that I would last more than a day, but after 3 days I was still fasting! I felt as if the hunger was constant and I was becoming weaker and more grumpy. This punishment was inhumane. The worse was when I did not have hunger pains and did not care if I would ever eat again. I would feel as if I would faint and this could be a sign that I would die.
I do not think that fasting made me feel closer to God? I felt more bitter. How could anyone treat a child like this? Where was the Christian love that they preached about?
The Abbess visited on the third night with food with two other nuns. She asked me if I feel like I have repented during the fasting. I ate the porridge and did not say much. I did not remember any manners when I was eating. I was sure that I would get a stomach ache sometime later because I was eating so fast. The Abbess continued to ask me if I have repented and would work to cleanse my soul.
“I am not a bad person,” I shouted as I lost my temper, “It is not my fault that my parents were not married when I was born. It is not my fault that the king won't recognize me. It was the king that was wrong by hiding me here against my mom's will. You always say that I am a sinner. I am not! I think that God loves me for who I am. He does not see me as a mistake or a sinner. He sees me as one of his children.”
The Abbess got mad and told the two nuns to tie me down to the bed until she decided what would happen to me. I tried to struggle and fight, but after three days without eating I was weak. I was soon tied to the bed. The nuns left me there as they left the room. Being tied to the bed was torture. I was on my back and could only see the ceiling. I could not move. I tried to sleep. I was afraid, frustrated and restless that I was tied down to the bed like some animal. The Abbess had no heart or compassion. This must have been child abuse. How could anyone think it was acceptable to treat a child this way? I had understood by now that children had no rights and we were at the mercy of the grown-ups. I must have spent the whole night there on the bed.
The Abbess came in the morning and I was untied. She told me that she had thought of my punishment. Then she sighed and told me that she had tried to help me. Despite this, she could see that I was a lost cause. I would never be a good oblate or nun and she did not want me to corrupt the others. She told me the two nuns would lay some bricks and build a wall where the door was. I would be locked in this room for the rest of my life. I would never see another human being again. I could not corrupt the others. There would be a hole in the wall where I would get food and drink.
I begged and pleaded for her to have mercy. If she had mercy, I would never speak and always do what I was told. The Abbess left as the two nuns started building the wall. I dared not kick it and destroy their work. Who knows what my punishment would have been then. I just sat in the corner and cried. Within no time the wall was built.
I was now secluded in the small dark cell. I would never see another human being again. I would never see anything except this dark and cold cell. I knew that I would end up going crazy and being mentally insane. I just sat there and cried. There was no hope
A fog started rising from the ground and there were thunder and lightning in the cell.
Everything went black.
When I woke up, I was not home with my parents in 2020. I was standing in a courtroom with people in thanksgiven costumes
To be continued on the sequel
Signs of the Timez – Child Witch
ns 15.158.61.12da2
