"Care to tell me what the fight was about?" Jamie and I are sitting down at the local park. He hasn't really said anything apart from saying yes to him being okay and to the park. His ocean blue eyes won't meet mine and it breaks my heart that he isn't confiding in me. He isn’t even playing with Scooby, his spark has gone.
"JJ please look at me." Nothing from him. He just continues to stare at the floor. "Sweetheart please?" I stroke his hair in gentle way, I see him look up towards my direction but not directly, at least that's progress. I look to where he is staring and I feel my heart break.
It is a mother with her son and what looks like her husband pushing the little boy on the swing. The mother is holding a newborn in her arms and they are all smiling from listening to their son laugh. The perfect little family. I can see the longing look in his eyes begging for the same attention, I feel sad with the familiar feeling of longing with him.
I take hold of him and sit him on my lap to make him face me. "You know you can tell me anything, you can always come to me. I won't force you but I need to know what happened." The hesitant look on his face is obvious, I know he wants to talk but is nervous for how I’ll react. “Baby I can’t help you if you won’t tell me.” I see his eyes go glossy and his hands move to fiddle with my necklace, it’s a heart locket, one side with his face and the other with Scooby.
Yes I’m a dog mum and I’m not ashamed to admit it!
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His small voice breaks. “Miles said that mummy doesn’t love me enough and that my daddy left because he knew how sensitive I am and wanted a big boy.” I grab his chin firmly but not enough to hurt him and lift his eyes to meet mine, each tear that leaves his eyes is another challenge for me to create new memories for him and make sure he forgets about this feeling.
“Now you listen to me young man. You are loved beyond belief, your mother loves you, and so do I.” Scooby chooses this exact moment to try and jump up to the bench despite his wheels holding him down, I reach around Jamie and pick him up, damn this boy is heavy, once he’s on the bench he nudges Jamie’s arm and licking his face. A sight I never want to forget. “See? Even Scooby loves you and he doesn’t even talk!” JJ’s laugh bursts through the air. “Mummy’s is just going through a rough patch. But I am doing everything I can to help you, she needs you to be a strong boy I know you can be.” I don’t believe in violence but right now I wouldn’t mind punching some sense into my so-called sister.
“You are an incredible, stunning, smart little boy, your daddy didn’t leave because you are sensitive,” I’m trying so hard to make this less painful for him. If Maia won’t tell him the truth when he’s older about his father I will. Wording this is tough and like walking on egg shells, I can easily say the wrong thing and make it worse.
“Your daddy isn’t around because he knew how amazing you are it scared him to handle so much awesomeness!” I grab his cheek and he stifles a laugh and the smile makes me melt. He hugs Scooby to him squeezing in the space as much as his furry body can go on JJ’s little body between us without the wheels.
“You think Scooby is stuck with wheels and stays hiding away embarrassed because of them?” Jamie shakes his head no, his hand rubbing Scooby’s ears. “He carries on despite having a mini set back but it doesn’t stop him from playing fetch, running, and making other dog friends. And if he doesn’t like a dog he will move on. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
Jamie’s eyes now focus on me and his tears mostly dry, he nods slightly.
“If someone says or does something that upsets you, ignore them and be the bigger person. So what if you’re sensitive, it means you care and it’s a great quality to have. Trust me the girls will love it when you’re older.” I wink and laugh slightly at his grim expression. Good he’s too young to get to that stage yet.
I’m so busy focusing on him I didn’t realise I let a few tears fall myself, his small hand wipes them away and he leans in and kisses my cheek. “Don’t cry Aunt Emmie. I love you.” He puts his arms around my neck and I hold him to me.
“I love you too JJ.”
He whispers so softly into my chest thinking I wouldn’t hear.
“I wish you were my mummy.”
That makes me cry harder.
***********
I drop Jamie back while Scooby waits in the car, he doesn’t whine like usual since he is now used to the routine. I walk inside and see the same mess as always, Jamie goes to his room and I go to fill Maia in on everything. Her response makes my blood boil.
Her rough smoky voice makes its way to my ears. “What do you expect? His father was the same, always getting in trouble with that temper of his.” Her hair is darker now, more brunette. So she has time to visit a salon but not enough time for her own son. She sits in the same chair like always.
“Jamie needs guidance Maia, maybe if you just tried a bit harder and be the mother to him I know it will make it better on both of you.”
I see the annoyed and cornered expression on her face, not wanting to admit I’m right, we have had this discussion so many times I’m so sick of it but I won’t stop pushing it to make her understand how important Jamie is and what his needs are.
“Since you’re like a mother to him so much I don’t have time to spend with him!”
She did not just say that! I am so glad that Jamie is in his room, seems like he knows the routine like Scooby.
“If you bothered to sort your shit out and get better for him and yourself you could spend the time, I’m not standing in your way, tell me and I’ll only see him when you want. You can be the mother to him I know he needs.” But the mother he wants is nowhere to be found in her.
“Fine, go on then. I’ll message you when I need something.” She waves her boney hand at me waving me off like dust.
I head for the door angry and I need to get out of here before I do something I regret to my only sister. I pass my getting my handbag when I notice something on the table. I lift up the form and show them to her.
“What the hell is this?” She turns her head after lighting another cigarette up, I walk over to the window hoping enough air comes in it won’t affect Jamie’s lungs too bad.
“Adoption papers, Michael and I were thinking it was time Jamie had a real father.” The thought of Michael being any sort of parent makes my skin crawl. I need to know more about this man. I place the papers down and sneak a glance at her and quickly take a photo of the paper displaying Michael’s full name.
“How long does it take for the files to process through? Does Jamie know about this?” Maia rolls her eyes and moves some hair out her face,
“Around six months. No Jamie doesn’t know, it’s a surprise.”
Yeah as surprising as stepping in dog shit!
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*********
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After hugging Jamie goodbye I head into my car and sit there contemplating what to do, I need to get Michael’s full story, once I know he is safe and all my worries are for nothing I’ll be at ease.
I could go to the library and search his name up? But the internet isn’t as skilled at finding background checks easily. Unless someone gets arrested or getting a job. Wait! I could go to the local police detective department. That would be extreme, plus what’s the point in asking if I have no evidence to back up my anxiety over Michael.
Library it is.
I drop Scooby off at home and then drive to the local library, heading straight to the computer section I search his name up and every single fucking time it is the same sign saying “restricted access.” I sigh and look around realising everyone is looking at me with annoyed expressions.
“Shh” I turn around seeing an old lady putting her finger to her lips, I turn putting my head on my hands. Five minutes later I hear a chair scrape and see the same old woman getting up tapping what looks to be her husband on the shoulder.
“Shall we go dea-” I cut her off.
“Shhh” I quickly turn round laughing silently.
I turn back and see her looking at me with fire, I bet her name is Karen. My smile seems to be angering her more, so I smile and bat my eyes waving ant-agonisingly, the talk I had with Jamie flies into my mind. Like aunt like nephew.
Her husband gets up and she walks ahead to the exit and he catches my eye, smiles and winks at me and follows her out.
A deep voice cuts into my thoughts and I roll my eyes, what is this asshole day?
“Pissing of people is part of your charm I’m guessing?” I decide not to turn but he moves round so I’m n his eye line, dark green eyes, dark brown almost black hair and signature leather jacket.
I have nothing to say to this man.
Smirking, with his eyes full of amusement.
“Hello Tinker bell.”
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