Ch 4. A quiet place with a silent depression
Pain, anger, sadness, Fear, Anxiety, all the negative thoughts I can think of, flowing all around my mind non-stop. I'm not even thinking about the others. I'm just scared that all of us are suffering deadly with depression. And what I said back there wasn't even necessary to say. But was it? Can they blame me? I can only blame who or whatever caused this dark, endless, painful crap that started this. Why? Why would this happen to us? It's a very dark night for a stroll, As I walked to a beautiful lake called “Lake Elton”. It's the last peaceful place I could ever think of. I enjoyed talking to it. More likely talking to myself. Letting all my anger fade away, chilling and breathing while thinking about the nasty thoughts I don't want to think about, but end up having to anyway, just to think about what I have done that was wrong.
But maybe to fix what just happened? No. Not just like that. I can't anyway. No help or positives can cure me now. "I'm done. I'm tired. I'm stressed, and trapped, in depression. Why Lake Elton? What in the world has caused all of this to happen in the first place of time? Why can't we just be happy without being depressed with endless negativity?", I asked the lake. Of course, there's no response. Just me thinking of a freestyle question you'd have to think about. Which is hard with all of this anxiety all over my mind, flowing everywhere. "So, my long good listener, what can I do now? After all this, and all that?" I sobbed while asking in a broken voice after all that screaming I used up. "I just want all of us to be happy again, just like we used to be."
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“So we can make it snappy”, an unexpected voice said out of nowhere from behind me, “then get us some snackies!” Another unexpected voice came out from behind me suggested. As soon as I turned my head behind me, it was Joey and Kayla walking up to me with a little positive face. To me, not so much, but it's better than nothing. I wiped my tears. “Hey guys”, I called them. “Pork rinds?” Kayla asked. “I wish I could, but I'm too deeply depressed to eat. Heck, I don't even deserve a snack after... If you know what I said.” I negatively responded. “You or Joey can have them.”, “Kay Kay, I want som.” Munashae unexpectedly and unexplainably appeared out of nowhere. “Did you bring him?” I asked, confused. “Yep,” Joey responded in a tiring tone. “Actually,” Kayla added, “He brought us to YOU,” Kayla admitted.
For some reason, I feel like even if he wanted to find me or not, Joey and Kayla wouldn't want to see me if it weren't for my brother. “Could they not though?” I thought. I didn't even know if I could apologize at this right moment. “Guys, I don't know what to say or even how I can apologize to you.” I awkwardly responded. I was very nervous, and embarrassed, thinking that they hated me all over my mind, even though that may hopefully not be true. “Don't mention it,” Joey said. “Yep. They hate me”, I thought. “It's not your fault though,” Kayla mentioned. “Oh. Well... Never mind,” I anxiously thought to myself. As they sat down with me. Joey to my left, and Kayla to my right. “You don't have to. We know you didn't mean it. It's rare of you to say that, but we knew it was not true.” Joey commented. Yeah, at least hopefully we won't! I thought. “We all know it's tough for all of us,” Joey admitted. “It sure is, huh? I said.” Yeah, even your sister's friend, “Said Kayla.” I wish she'd just have some fun with us after cooling off for a bit. “,” Yes, that's true. But my sister would not accept that comment of yours, Kayla. “I warned her. She scoffed,” True “, she admitted. I felt bad though for her for saying that. I was trying to do the same as she said. ”But I'm glad you and I would've liked to keep her a little time to celebrate my idea, though!“
”Hey “, Joey called,” There's that confidence we were hoping to see! “,” Yeah! Kayla laughed. And they're right! I'm getting better! Like what I was trying to do with Maria. However, it wouldn't please Mako, leading me back to the part I wanted to forget about, which turned my frown back down. Kayla and Joey noticed me. “Don't worry,” Joey helped as he put his hand on my left shoulder, “Your sister will be okay.” Joey smiled. “Exactly! Now Kayla put her hand on my right shoulder,” She'll get better! “She said with enough confidence in me as what Joey's saying is the same thing with confidence. I am still upset. But not enough to pull me down to negativity. I rose to positive. Not knowing that my youngest brother was still here, Munashae attempted to snatch the bag of pork rinds from Kayla but was unsuccessful in taking it from Kayla's quick eye.” Hey! “He yelled.” Yo, Gabe, do you want these or not? “Kayla demanded,” I'm fine Kay Kay. You, Joe, or Nashae can have them. Thanks.” I thanked them, “You know your Momma ain't going to let him eat that, “she told me.” Joe, do you want some? “No thanks, you can have them. “He responded.” Well, I will not have this. “She denied.” Well, I hope you won't waste them. “I said to make sure.” Fine, I'll throw them away then. What a waste of my- “Give me those, I just told you not to waste them! “I lectured as I snatched the bag away from her. Not knowing that even Kayla had enough time to avoid my snatch like Nashae tried to do but failed that attempt, she smiled, then laughed again. Joe laughed next, then me, Nash, however. He just wanted to eat.
Speaking of eating. I’m getting hungry. I forgot to mention, I’m a type 1 diabetic! “Oh Crap! “I shouted.” WHAT?! “Kayla and Joey responded in a surprising way of shock.” I forgot to get my insulin! “They looked at me like I should know better.” Really? “They asked.” Um, Duh! “. Now that I think about it. I need my medications from my Guardian Mom. And I don’t know if she’s ready to be discussed with. I don’t even know if she wants me back in her house, which is my home. I also still don’t even know if Mako’s there too. I do not won’t want to go near her at all whether she’s calm or not. I’m not happy with her either. But not as much as she does. As for the others, I’m not sure how I’m going to handle that. I hate going back, seeing the people I fought with, and thinking about them thinking about me in a negative thought in mind. Well, at least I feel better with my friends. And Munashae. But it’s all fun and games until I see what the others are doing at home. Cause the fun and games will not last long. Neither is my and my friends' excitement card pass. Cause as I said before, whenever I’m in a happy moment with something or/and someone, the past may expire. I have to get back to work. Once, I’m all set up on my carb counting and insulin coverage and correction. I hope there are leftovers though!
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