Chapter 4 (Circulus vitosus)
Sam did not like my apartment, so he bought a double storey mansion. I moved Michael’s crib into my room. He has two new baby-teeth, and it is too adorable when he smiles, he just turned nine months. The house was stunning, but it did not feel like mine. The more time Sam spent with Michael, I noticed subtle changes in my son. Firstly, when we are alone, his baby teeth would grow longer, and he would try and bite me. Veronica says, it is normal, he is only teething, but he bites hard, I bleed, the other night I was bathing him, he nipped a piece of skin off my finger.
How I ever believed that Michael could be Michaelus’ son, I think I seriously deluded myself. Mich and I are fair, we have blonde hair and I have blue eyes, where as Mich has a combination. Sam is dark in complexion, his eyes are nearly black in colour and his short hair is as dark as the night. Michael was his mirror image. I think I hoped my eyes were deceiving me, but now while I am cleaning the blood off my finger, I feel an unease toward my son. I wished I had never named him Michael, should have been Little Nikki, or Satan. No I am not over reacting.
We have only been in the ‘new’ house a week now, and Michael has bitten my again, on my wrist, I can’t get the bleeding to stop. I called Sam. I have to say he was really shocked. He scolded Michael. And disinfected the bite, hell it stung, when I screamed, Michael laughed, this is the first time, Sam and I have made eye contact. I bit my lip, and cleared my thought’s but Sam picked up on my fear.
“Has he done this before?’ Sam was not amused at all. “Yes, Veronica said, it’s because he is teething, but this is the second time I have bled, Sam his teeth grows when he bites me.’ Sam looked into my mind. “Wow, that is not good, Abigail. I will keep him with me during the day so you can have some peace. Abigail, I did not know.’ I nodded, I believed Sam, I didn’t know either, but I am finding out very fast.
I put Michael in his crib, my wrist burnt, then I lay on my bed, I dozed off, then I heard my name being called. “Abi-Abi-Abi.’ Over and over again. I looked at Michael. His eyes were glowing.
“I am watching you, Abigail.’ I did not come unhinged, I lost the entire front door, I screamed. Sam bolted into my bedroom. He saw his son’s eyes. “Dadda!.’ Called Michael and held his arms out. This time, Sam was reluctant to pick him up. “Sam, he called me, then he told me, he is watching me”.
Of course a lot of baby babble followed, but I knew, Sam had seen the eyes. “Get some sleep, I will keep him for the night.’ Sam closed my door. I am exhausted. My demon spawn will be the end of the little sanity I have left, I can’t even call my son Lucifer, I read there was a Saint Lucifer of Cagliari, and Lucifer of Siena, and that Lucifer means “Light bringer”, I have read all the books I could find on the Fallen. I am not happy with what I now do know, and Michael is not making it any easier.
I dozed off, my alarm went off at five, as I moved, pain shot through my legs, I was momentarily lame, the pain, I moved the blankets off my legs. “Dear Holy Father.’ I said out loud. Someone, I use that word very lightly, had cut me with a blade, the blade lay on my mattress. Little cuts covered my legs, the sheet got stuck to the dried blood. I screamed and I sobbed. Sam ran into my room.
“Sam, you wanted your precious fucking key, take your hell-spawn and get the fuck away from me, or so help me God, I will kill that demon.’ Sam was visibly shocked. He helped me get up. I have seen many sides to Sam, but I have never seen remorse, the tears ran down his face. He helped me into a bath. I screamed in pain, the water around me turned crimson. I saw the movement, and I knew that little fuck was enjoying my suffering. Sam felt him too, and covered my nudity. Michael walked into the bathroom, I never even had an iota that he walked. His eyes were blood red. Sam back handed him when he laughed at me. “Father, if you touch me again, I will personally feed you to the Hell hounds, so we will be a loving family, or I will slit her carotid artery in her sleep. Play nice Dadda”.
He walked out of the bathroom. Sam helped me get dressed, and placed a bandage on every cut. I could feel he wanted to say something, but I left. I did not go near Michael. I phoned Sam when I arrived at the shop, and asked him please to remove the bloodied sheets before Maria arrived to clean the house. I emphasised that he should keep Michael away from her, I needed her help, and we have been through five ladies in five days. “I put the bedding in the washer, right after you left, how are you feeling?’ I wanted to give Sam a snide remark, however, I could feel the sincerity in the question. “Honestly, I am angry, disappointed, and I hate myself, not you Sam, you and I were played, but I hate, nay, I loathe myself for giving birth to that thing, please, do not call it a baby.’
“I won’t.’ Sam was quiet. “I didn’t know, I was arrogant, and blind, blind to it all, I was told this boy would be a key to a better world, yes, I knew he would be demonic, but I have not been to Hell yet, I know I will end up there, and I fucking deserve it. The Fallen, has good and bad Angels, just as we have good and bad people, but Abigail, he is just a baby, what will he be when he grows up?’
We but shuddered at that thought. Can we talk tonight when you get home?’ asked Sam.
“Yeah, Sam, just keep him away from me, and you will have my undivided attention, I need to open, I can’t believe I am saying this, but please be safe.’
“You are the one in pain, not me Abigail. Hell, I am so, so sorry, take some medication please, and I do hope you have a good day.’ Sam cut the call. I knew Michael has walked into the den.
I was in serious pain. Veronica asked me what was wrong. So I told her I slipped and fell. She really stepped to the plate, and worked, I sat, I was stiff from the cuts, and when I moved, it opened. I had to buy a new box of bandages and cleaned the blood off my legs. I decided to go home early, my pants was getting stuck to the cuts. I first phoned Sam. Then I drove home.
I went straight to my room and closed the door. The crib had been moved out of my room. Sam came into my room and locked the door. “He is sleeping, I popped him two sleeping tablets. Now let’s get you better. Sam poured salt and disinfectant in the tub. Mother of pearl, I bit my lip until it bled. It hurt like hell. He dried me, and each cut would open. He had bought, band aids, and placed it all over my legs. “Have you eaten?’ I shook my head, no. Sam left, and brought me a tray, and a small whiskey, that went down the hatch. I needed to feel numb. He switched on the baby-monitor, and we could hear Michael was still sleeping. “Abigail, I think I need to take him away from you, far away. I believe your life is in danger, and I am the one that forced this monstrosity on you.’
“The thought did cross my mind, but my gut says it will only vex him into doing worse things to me.’
“Worse?’ Sam looked at me. “Worse, he bit you, he sliced you up with a blade, a razor fucking blade, how can it get worse?’
“Sam, that is what I desperately don’t want to find out.’ Sam rubbed the stubble on his chin. Shit he really is handsome, in a rugged, bad boy way. He read my mind. Well shit. Our eyes held for a minute, then he bent over and kissed me. I kissed him back. I needed the comfort, I needed something, he lay against me, trying to avoid my legs, and I held on to him. I pulled his jacket off, then his shirt, I have never seen him naked, he was smooth, brown, and lean. Our kiss deepened, and he removed my shirt. “I want you Sam, I need you.’ Sam looked at me utterly surprised. “I mean it, you once told me, you are not an animal, and I believe you, and right now, I need you to let go, I want you inside me.’ Sam removed all my clothes then his, he gently lifted my legs and lay between them. Our need grew. “Take me Sam, and don’t hold back.’ I could feel him, he was gentle as before, but that was not what I needed, I wanted raw passion, yes, lust. He was slowly entering me, and it drove me insane, I grabbed his buttocks, and I was about to shove him into me.
“Dadda, me hungry”, and Michael screamed. Sam jumped up. We had to protect Maria. He half dressed, and ran from the room. I have no comparison for the anger and the frustration I felt, the little devil, did that on purpose. I dressed and went down stairs, I made tea, Maria offered to make it for me. “Ma’am, you are not well, sit.’ I did, I was so angry, and my legs throbbed.
“Ma’am, I do not mean to prey, but my Mother is half Gypsy, and I my poi, is Spanish. I can see things, you are a good person, and your husband, he tries to be good, but your baby, you can fire me, but your baby, he is not human.’
“Maria, I will not lie, nor deny, nor make excuses, I have needed a friend for a very long time. so if you drink, bring the whiskey, and I shall tell you a horror story.’ Maria helped me to the couch, and I purged, all of it, no censor button needed in this movie. She listened and sipped her whiskey. Sam had heard, I knew he did. He leaned against the doorframe. “I will speak to my Mama, if she can calm him down, you will be safe, she will make herbs, for him to drink, you can mix it in his milk.’
I looked at Sam, he nodded yes. “As long as he never knows, or the consequences will be fatal.’
Maria nodded, that was enough said, when Michael “crawled” into the lounge. I excused Maria for the day. Then I waited for Michael. He got up from the floor, once he heard the front door close. “Hi Abi, how are your legs?’ he laughed, and poured a whiskey. This baby is only nine months old. Sam and I blocked our thoughts, but Sam came and sat next to me. “Oh so sorry I interrupted your play time.’ Sam held up his hand.
“Who are you?’ he asked Michael. Michael smiled. “I am your son.’
“No, you are not, I want to know who the fuck you are.’ Sam was getting angry, his eyes blazed red.
“Oh, Dadda, there is no way in hell I will tell you who I am, because that will mean, you my dear Dadda, will know how to, how shall I put it, disperse of me, so no, torture won’t help. But, I am not your son, no hell, I saw an opening, literally, when you fucked her, and I took my chance to get out of hell, and there is no way, I am going back. I am not that key, but I will be whatever my Master wants me to be.’
“Who is your Master?’ asked Sam, the anger dripped from his words.
“Oh, Dadda, I don’t think you two have formally met, yet. You don’t hang in the same circles, so don’t mind your pretty head, keep me safe, and I will keep you and your bitch safe, you know, wash my back…’
Sam punched him, he flew right over the table, but Michael was fast, he jumped at Sam, and bit him in his neck. I grabbed the whiskey bottle and I broke it over Michaels head. He was out for now.
“I will tie him up, I need answers. Sam grabbed him. And he did tie him up. With chains, can you imagine if someone walked into my house, and found my nine month old baby tied up in chains, we would be locked up for child abuse. Sam read my mind, and locked all the doors. Then he locked us in with Michael in the nursery.
I sat on the rocking chair. “Sam, if this is not our baby, then where is our baby?’
“That I will find out, Abigail, from what I know, there should be six male “Keys”, but, even though they are demonic, they were under direct orders, not to maim, or to attack their hosts, we are not really parents, only the vessels they needed to come to earth. So when he bit you, I knew, he was not our son. And then he sliced you up, and I am now convinced, but I need to know who he is, so I can get rid of him, as in permanently, I might be one of the Fallen, but I do not condone what they do. Michaelus, is a good Angel, I am not, I made my mistakes, and I know I will pay for it, but you, no, I have ruined you, and your life, Michaelus, is only God knows where, and I messed up, and now I am trying to do right, I will not sit by, and do more damage to you and Michaelus, I should have left you, when you two found each other, for what I have done, I cannot say sorry, I need to fix it, I will not let you grow old, and not be loved, or never to have a real child. I owe you, and I will do anything to correct what I have done, I will leave, for good this time, and I shall take the “Key” away, so you can have a normal human life.’
I got up, and I embraced Sam. “I am sorry, Sam, for hating you, for running away like a coward, and I am sorry, your life is not easy, either, we were both made fools of, as for Mich and I, that should never have happened, he was my best friend, and I crossed the line, so we row this boat of guilt together.’ Sam kissed me. “You really are a good soul, let me find redemption for you, please. That is the least I can do for you, Abigail.’
“Oh boo hoo, shame, I feel absolutely nothing for the two of you, so Sammy boy, try your worst, nothing on earth can hurt me.’ Sam removed an old book from his coat pocket, and Michael’s grin disappeared. “No, don’t do it Sam.’
“I thought nothing on this earth could hurt you, my son.’ Sam opened the book. I sat down. I did not understand the words he read, all I know is, it sounded ancient. Michael screamed, his eyes turned red, smoke literally came out of his mouth and his ears. “Okay, stop, just stop, I will tell you, please don’t send me back, Sam please.’
“Firstly, what is your name?’
“Abrux.’ Sam cussed. “He is a duke from hell, and in lay man’s terms, a descendant of Azazel, if Abrux, finds the other “Keys”, he can release not only the Principles, but Azazel as well, that will literally mean Hell on earth, that will allow any supernatural being to walk amongst the humans, they will procreate, as they did in the beginning, and the vicious circle will start all over. Bye-bye mankind.’
“Secondly, where is our son, my and Abigail’s real son?’
“There is no son, Abigail is infertile, when I realized she could not give birth to the sixth key, I stepped in.’
“Do you believe him, Sam?’ I had to know the truth. “Yes, I do believe him, he can take on any form he wants to, all he needed was a ride, so Abrux, show Abigail what you look like, and if you try and hurt her… I only have two more words to say, and you will be in the hot seat.’
Abrux, transformed before my eyes, his body was that of a man’s, however, his head was totally, misshaped. He did have horns, like a bull, a snout, and very red eyes, the rest of his face, I cannot describe, it was not human. He transformed again, into a man. Sam gave him a pants and a shirt, and he got dressed. I have lost so much, I have lived in so much fear, my anxiety has reached its limits. I carried this thing inside me, I have given birth to it, I wiped its bum, I almost loved it, thinking it is my son, now I look at it with disgust, it is a parasite, a leech, it used me, it fed off me, I will never be the same, I can never be the same, it robbed me of my soul. Sam read my mind. He took a pencil from his pocket, and drew a pentagram on the tiles, then he placed a chair in the middle. “Sit.’ He commanded Abrux. Then he took my hand. “He can’t escape, that is a devils-trap.’ We fetched a drink then went to the furthest part of the mansion. “Sit, I need you to listen to me.’ I nodded.
“Abigail, self-loathing, will only feed that thing, so stop. We need to frame, Michael’s death, I will see to it, as for the doctor, he is a Fallen, I will get him to help me. Next, once that is done, I will remove Abrux from your life, even if I have to send him back to Hell. If you want Michaelus back, just say the word, I can find him. If you want me out of your life, command me to leave, I might be a Fallen, but I have wings, and that means I will do as you say, we are sworn protectors of humans, yes, I know what I did to you, you are the only one that can give me or Michaelus, permission to be in your life.’
“Let’s deal with the burial, I need the closure, I need to bury the son we never had, then I need a little time to think, I don’t want Mich to come back, is he at peace? At least tell me that.’
“He is, he found a home, very far from here, and he is the Guardian of a young boy.’
“Then let him be, I have always wanted him to be happy, above all else, to be forgiven, so if this is his chance to go back home, I shall not stand in his way.’
“Do not go into the room where Abrux is, they are called Deceivers, once he is in your mind, you will believe the lies he tells you, so stay here, I won’t be long.’ I nodded, and sipped my drink, there is no way I would go near that thing even if you paid me. Sam smiled at my thought.
The funeral would be the following day. I did not open the shop. And I did not pretend. I sobbed for the son I never had, and for the poor child, that died. Lydiana, Veronica, Lucille and Maria attended the funeral. I asked to be left alone, afterwards, I told Lucille, my marriage was over, the death of our son was the final straw, she wept for me. I went home, I found the ‘doctor’ in my lounge.
“Abigail, I am terribly sorry for my part in all of this, honestly, I thought I had saved you, my name is Gadreel.’
“I know the name, it means, God is my helper. I think we have all been misinformed about the Fallen, you all were given the reputation, of being demonic, oh I can tell the difference now, please don’t apologise, Gadreel, we all had a role to play, in someone else’s messed up mind, so if you need forgiveness, you have mine freely.’ I embraced Gadreel.
“We will get Abrux as far away from you as possible, be reassured, where he is going, there is no key, that can unlock that door.’
“Sam, please come back, I don’t want to be alone tonight, and this house is too big.’ Sam nodded. I went to bath. Once I came down stairs, there was no sign of the trio. The nursery was empty, as if it never existed, and the drawings on the floor had been cleaned away. I made tea, and sat in the lounge, and I realised, I had to start all over. Emotionally, this was a new beginning. No more fear of giving birth to a demon, done that. Sam was no longer my enemy, the hatchet has been buried. Mich has found his second chance at redemption, and I prayed for him. I went to Mass, and confession. The local Priest, was really sorry for my loss, so was I.
When I arrived home, Sam was waiting for me. I limped into his arms, my legs will take time to heal, so will my heart. He forced me to eat, and we sat and watched a movie. I fell asleep, and woke up in my bed, lying in Sam’s arms. “So, Sam, what is next for you?’ I felt the conflict in him, and I knew the answer. “I am leaving you, to find the life you deserve, I want to stay, but, I need you to send me away.’ This was harder than I imagined. I cried bitter tears. “Sam or Azza, I need you to leave, and to never come back.’ He kissed my head, and Sam my enemy, disappeared, and I was alone.
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