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That night, long after everyone had gone home, I wandered the halls, restless and more than a little unsettled by the night's revelations.
Gilbert had been telling the truth. Of that much I was certain.
But it had caused all the old pain over my sister's death to resurface, and I felt sick, chilled to the pit of my stomach as I realised the last seven years had been a frightful mistake. Seven years of endless battles, thrust and counterthrust, all built on my determination to take down the man I thought had killed my sister, when in reality it had been his brother who'd done the deed. That Gilbert had summarily executed his brother made little difference however, and I felt as if I was drowning in renewed pain.
But more telling, as I finally stepped out onto the terracotta walkway which enclosed the pool, was the fact that my revenge now seemed a meaningless action, steeped in futility.
And yet, my thirst for vengeance had gone unslaked at a critical moment. Gilbert had assuaged that thirst by taking out my sister's killer, so I should have felt peace.
But instead, I only felt pain.
I didn't know what to do, or how I should proceed from here. Logic demanded I go ahead and accept the public apology Mister Impossible Sentinel would make towards Eva Destruction. But then what?
Resigned at last to indecision, I slid into the pool, letting the water glide over my skin. It was a blessedly cool balm, but even as I trod water, I still felt as if I'd come to a crossroads.
I genuinely didn't know what to do next.
It was if my life had reached a crossroads, and with no clear guidance on which way to turn, I felt as if my head would fall apart under the weight of the indecision which ground my bones.
I gave up on wondering and sank underwater. Here, beneath the water's surface, my worries fled. The past, the present, and even the future ceased to matter.
But the circling doubts still refused to let me go. I was adrift, with no sure guidance to help me find my way home.
Eventually, breathless and desperate for air, I surface, shaking the water out of my eyes. I knew a good night's sleep would help assuage the doubts now riding my brain, but even as I climbed out of the pool and wrapped a discarded towel around me, I knew those doubts and worries wouldn't let me be.
Would they be resolved the day I accepted Gilbert's official apology?
To that question, I had no answer.
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The next day, the familiar rigour of inductions and drills took most of my attention away from the constant pressure of worry inside my brain. Last night's affair had gathered in a new slew of recruits, and for a while, I lost myself in the routines of weeding out the chaff. Not all the recruits would be accepted, and sorting out the ones who were genuninely interested from the ones who were in it for a laff took most of the morning. By the time the larrikins had left in head-hanging shame, it was near to lunch time, and I surveyed the cream of the crop.
"You're all here because you're finding something lacking," I said, pacing up and down, hands clasped behind my back. I wasn't in costume; they all knew who I really was under the black and silver, and it was Llian who spoke to them, not Eva Destruction. "You don't know what that something is, but you know it's here. That's why you came.
"You'll find it, I can promise you. But there can be no turning back. It's going to be a long, hard road, and not all of you will master the rigorous training I require. I'll give you a good example."
I turned and snapped my fingers. Presently, Captain Lucky Cat joined me on the dais. Blind in one eye, and missing an arm and a leg, quite literally, he'd refused to take honourable discharge, instead preferring to remain at my side. He was one of my most loyal henchmen, and gasps sounded as he presented his scarred, burnt face. "Captain Lucky Cat lost his tongue in the fire which arose from his overeagerness," I said. "But he possesses a very sharp mind. He's now my top strategist. Luckily for him, otherwise I would have had to turn him out."
Dead silence reigned as I nodded to him, and he bowed as gracefully as he could before stumping out of the room. I turned back to my now white-faced recruits. "That's the fate that awaits you," I said firmly. "If you fail, you get turned out. You do get full honours depending on how far you went, but if you can prove to me you're able to move past whatever misfortune befalls you, you could find a place on my inner council. But be warned. If you falter after pushing through whatever impediment befalls you, you'll be discharged without honours. I won't have someone walk through fire, only to fail me when I need the most. Captain Lucky Cat was one of the lucky ones. There were others who weren't so lucky, and I'll be reading their names to you later on, just so you know the full price of failure."254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV9XbnEPpBX
I paused, before driving my final point home. "And just in case you're thinking of operating independently if you do fail, I have ways and means of ensuring you never cross my interests. I won't have rogue operatives spoiling my hard work. I don't mind the independant contractors who've never served with me, but if you're one of my failed recruits, I will come down on you like a ton of bricks."254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDoPc6phqB2
The silence was almost deafening, and I studied each face. They all quailed, and I smiled grimly. Lesson learnt. "Now go and get some lunch," I said, clapping my hands smartly together. "You've got the run of the place until tomorrow, and some of my most trusted people will be on hand to answer any questions you might have."254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadfeIYm1V4
As the gathering broke up, Candycane approached me. "Watch the red-headed girl with the blue eyes," she said in a low voice. 254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYPTo3EfqAk
I studied the girl in question, and my own eyes widened. "She's Gilbert's daughter!" I hissed, horrified. Not at her age - most of my recruits were in their late teens or early twenties, but occasionally a younger teenager came seeking a place in my ranks - but more at the sheer audacity she had. "How the hell did she get through?"254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYB45dnbqoM
Candycane shrugged. "We scanned them all," she said. "Lilee is either that dissaffected with her father's lifestyle, or she's a very good mole."254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gpm6nKhuk
I narrowed my eyes in furious thought. "She'll be the first one to use the Sanctity of Stone," I said. "That will winnow her out if she's going to play mole. If that fails to expose her, then the Hymn of Negation will do the job."254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOjnMd6xOgQ
"And if she passes that?" Candycane asked. 254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOky5wOICPh
I sighed. "God only knows," I said wearily. "I'll let the problem bide till tomorrow. She can't do much damage in any case, not with the place warded tighter than a nun's you-know-what. Tomorrow will be time enough to worry about the snake we might have inadvertently let into our midst."254Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7EiKFW55C
Candycane nodded, and my brows knit together in furious thought. Lilee knew who I really was. But Gilbert had no clue, or so I thought. So what in the name of perdition was going on?
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