【45. Secret Angel 】718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZAr4THi2Qm
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死亡是一種哲學。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwtR2hNMyXY
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不知哪個哲學家曾經說過：718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDnrDHGZPDh
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如果世上沒有任何人再記得你，這就是最終極的死亡了。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpuLd2aFcDl
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如果按照這個想法，我應該已經死咗十世。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCUOhIqn8qT
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但現實只是，我連尋死的勇氣都欠奉。又或者這樣說，喜歡余青玲的王傲風已經死了，如今的我徒具空殻，死與不死又有何分別？718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTSYIl2NcDB
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接下來的好幾個星期，我都無地自容得不敢再面對她。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzdIwF8sNBY
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昔日掛在臉上的笑容，如今已不再復見。雖然她嘴裡說著「我冇事」、「唔緊要」，每天都認真地上課、抄筆記，原本做社務的時間用來了上補習班，功課的水準不退反增⋯⋯但我看得出，她只是在裝堅強。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNwH0G1pRgf
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我知道自己已沒有資格待她好，但有一個人可以。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwBblTBNytw
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「咦？咩嚟㗎？阿儀，係咪你㗎？」阿玲揉著眼睛，拿起了一張白卡紙。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkLTm6iSz9j
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「吓？唔係啊⋯⋯」哈比人應道，一副心不在焉的樣子。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl5icQPKHtj
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阿玲皺一皺眉，看到了卡紙上面有一行行的小字，然後笑了一下。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8st7uLwWHk
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這就足夠了。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vLVYZTrKa
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之後數個星期，在放聖誕假前，都有一個人在她的桌上放了一張白卡紙，有時還會附上一排她最愛的朱古力，是那個人上化學堂時偷聽到的牌子，可惜那朱古力經常缺貨，他花掉了一整個下午的時間走遍全元朗，才能搶到這麼一排；買不到的時候，那個人就會用烏龍茶代替。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiixY921M71
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那個人不是想表現出自己的好，他只是想阿玲可以因為他自己所做的一點小事，而變得開心一點點。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm35I3e6ne9
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後來我從哈比人口中得知，那個人會署名自己為 SA 。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRRe7eakQS
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SA，Secret Angel ，祕密的守護天使。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkh14XWewjY
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自從SA 出現了之後，阿玲似乎很苦惱，明明班會沒有搞 Secret Angel ，怎麼會有這些白卡紙的出現？SA 的好意，她又應不應該收下呢？718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcAliyoFlMV
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「阿風？」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJgtK2xTT7O
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「嗯？」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy1cMqk1tbp
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「你知唔知邊個送呢啲嘢俾我㗎？」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFFha5lrVV4
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「唔知喎⋯⋯又會有人咁無聊都有嘅哈哈⋯⋯」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QtyZ9Yj1k
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「咁⋯⋯如果你知道佢係邊個，你記得要話我知啊！佢係咁送嘢俾我都覺得有啲唔好意思⋯⋯」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhlGDve9uX9
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「哦⋯⋯好啊⋯⋯係呢，佢其實寫咗啲咩㗎？」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlvFUSJ0oC
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「其實都冇咩嘅，佢成日都叫我加油同俾心機囉，仲話好鍾意我笑嘅樣，明明就好樣衰哈哈⋯⋯」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVOPeuV3Q4h
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「哦⋯⋯原來係咁⋯⋯」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVyBMd2JRS
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北風正宣告聖誕節的來臨；天氣很冷，但依然無法影響聖誕聯歡會的熱鬧氣氛，全校上下都高興地慶祝著，已然忘記了陸運會時的不愉快事件。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi5DQWEGSpV
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當我回到班房的時候，其他同學已經將班房裝飾得美輪美奐，金色的鍛帶、七彩的聖誕小球、白板上的聖誕老人鹿車圖⋯⋯甚至還有人不知從哪裡弄來一棵聖誕樹，把它妥當地放在課室一隅。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvcN1Jo8lK6
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「阿玲佢今日冇返？」我隨口抓了身旁的同學問道。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo23kXpKcBk
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「吓？阿玲病咗喎，今朝佢同我講佢病到起唔到身㖭，」他擺出一副「乜你唔知咩」的樣子。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh23igRz87m
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「吓⋯⋯聖誕聯歡會先嚟病？」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVnaApvIMD
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「係囉⋯⋯你係關心人嘅就探下人啦！」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtL4p49uWRF
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「唔⋯⋯睇下點先喇。」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQaPvkdFkU7
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在洋溢歡樂氣氛的班房裡，一班男生正在猜拳，決定哪個勇者吃下某女生所造的綠色流心地獄薄荷朱古力。不幸的Ivan 猜輸了，只好在其他男人起鬨後吞下朱古力，才一嚥下喉嚨，他的臉便𣊬間變青，差點昏倒。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01tOT4O5wJ
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我陪笑了幾下之後，大家便一起吃比薩、飲汽水、交換禮物⋯⋯反正就是派對的例行公事，然後主席忽然舉手，提議我們影一張班相。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2nhLf8jc99
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女生在前排互相比高，男生在後排嬉笑怒罵，老師坐在中間沒他們好氣。整個畫面的色彩是何等斑爛好看，彷佛是用青春畫出來的油彩畫，美得連彩虹也羨慕。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY2o70TrgaO
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而我是一幅黑白色的水墨畫。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuE16YI0Lml
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我不禁想起在中三最後的上課日，同樣有人不知何時準備了三角架和專業相機，興高采烈地提議影班相。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIP608DvJ47
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「好啊！」熱情的阿玲第一個衝了出去，甚至還指揮大家推開礙事的桌子椅子。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6bJqVBmES
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「嚟！高嘅企前面，更高嘅企後面！」阿玲振臂高呼，召集大家來到白板前方。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaf5N4jDEh
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於是全班三十多人便壓縮只有班房三分之一的空間，一時之間摩肩接踵，大家都能感受到彼此的鼻息。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdgZJcCylV
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班主任提著椅子，坐在中間位置，旁邊便是阿玲。幸好我個子不高，一早就被人拉到前排，湊巧就站在阿玲旁邊。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc67g4XG8XL
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她身上傳來迷人的花香，香得令我的心跳漏了一拍，讓我不禁懷疑，這氣味是會令人上癮的。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1nbR4UYJke
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正當我仍陶醉於那香氣的時候，相機忽然發出頻密的閃光。猶在夢中的我連忙擠出一個笑容，但快門早已掠下我的倉皇。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡslB7GucJUX
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「王、王傲風，你、你做咩⋯⋯喊啊？」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2cZt8kaDg
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「吓？」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyTHIR2ba4
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拿著相機的Ivan 呆呆地看著我，一副不知所措的樣子。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcWhod1ff6J
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我摸一摸自己的臉，竟然是濕潤的，眼眶不知何時已熱了起來，淚水如決堤般潸潸落下。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJTEUTJ9qmH
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我的淚容很快就引起了同學和班主任的注意，周圍漸漸多了交頭接耳的聲音。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoCvQKsiwQE
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「你做咩啊？唔好喊啦。」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDYMlhxEgjF
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「要唔要紙巾？」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSXt7IVtkSP
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「哎啊⋯⋯講下發生咗咩事啦！」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdbPeyq2fJt
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此時班主任向我遞出了一張紙巾，可我已控制不住自己，一手撥開了她的手，拿起了書包衝出班房，大叫：「唔好意思！我想早退！」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOuJ8rgl1ye
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我不管撞跌了多少枱櫈，只管一昧向前衝，淚水不斷往後灑著，黑壓壓的一大片悶在心頭，想吐卻吐不出來。我的雙腿就像著了火，唯有一直向前跑，才能舒服一點點。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0SPYmYdpxl
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原來無論我多麼努力多麼渴望多麼壓抑，我都沒辦法放下她。愈是想忘記她，她就愈常出現在我的腦海裡，就像我在中學裡的所有回憶，都有著她的痕跡，而且永不磨滅。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGkaJLjlXFS
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我隨即跳上了一架巴士，竭力抑壓著想哭的衝動，不想任何人見到我的窘態。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR1Q7ApYufe
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然後，不知是緣分所繫，抑或是命運的安排，我隨意下車的地方竟就是阿玲所住的屋宛。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbB1UmGxOOV
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我猶豫了片刻，結果還是打開了大門。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡheWHcnzHfk
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世界是涼薄的，連大堂的冷氣都開得特別大，等待升降機的時間也特別長。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0t1P2aiYuZ
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隨著金屬版上顯示的數字不斷的跳動增加，我的腦袋也漸漸變得混沌、緊張。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS12DsNA2aM
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我記得⋯⋯佢係住呢個單位。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEF8WgTX3Mf
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㩒響門鐘，睇下佢有冇事就走啦⋯⋯718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm6JZtqC5EC
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我這樣想著，手指卻凝在了門鐘前兩公分的位置動彈不得。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxcWb1uVxqn
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我做不到。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8DSTgypSv
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我說不出原因，但我就是做不到，我無法鼓起勇氣面對她。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpR4cmn1ZCq
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於是我收回按鈴的手，轉而往書包裡探，然後拿出了一枝筆和一張白卡紙。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZcZQJ5xVQH
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親愛的阿玲：718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsvyIWMLyHm
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估唔到咁健康嘅你竟然病咗！仲冇得嚟聖誕聯歡 T.T 不過唔緊要啦！我哋玩得好開心啊！你都要快啲好返知唔知！我哋下學期再見啦 ！^_^ 718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXwO3J1vUoj
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S.A. 718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUCEfEPZ2Ul
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寫完之後，我覺得好像還漏了些甚麼，於是再最後加上了一句：718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIr4AtVkPiu
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P.S. I love you718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnZE1f255lE
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我把白卡紙攝進門縫，無聲地離開。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡACQNGoWwOs
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原來我真的是想走的，可是走到樓下時，卻有種沒有由的依依不捨。我站在原地看著阿玲的單位，總覺得她會探出頭來跟我say hi。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkRT5T8DfAS
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最後當然沒有。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqCoSp7dav
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我苦笑了一下，跳上了回家的巴士，撥了一通電話。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlSJHvSQSW
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「喂？」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1hhxms5jpy
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「咩事啊，阿哥？」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcZJzfDIkJv
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「你夜晚得唔得閑啊，我唔開心。」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTyjy6GnXqB
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「好、好啊⋯⋯」718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXKgPwp3qa
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掛斷電話之後，我漫無目的地望向窗邊外的街道。巴士剛好來到了元朗的舊區，陳舊的大廈外牆有如煙燻的痕跡，老店的招牌銹跡斑駁，搖搖欲墜的燈牌上站著幾隻小鳥。眾所周知，這裡是眾多男性放班後的尋歡之地，但正值下午時份，粉色的螢光燈還未是時候亮起。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuhHBbCFu4g
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我的視線隨著車廂左搖右擺而晃動，沒有看清掠過的街景，卻捕捉到一個眼熟的身影，正與身旁的男人一起走進一棟大廈。718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfJnutOcwK
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是⋯⋯老媽？718Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVKpjC0g8tX
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