*Two months ago*
Car alarms screamed in the street, followed by a roar from a man that had lost everything. Silence.
Sirens flashed against the house walls as they came howling into the street. People moved behind blinds, woken by the noise.
He watched helplessly as they lifted her into the ambulance, letting go of her limp hand. The police stood behind him, restraining a man with a snake tattoo across his naked chest. The tattooed man spat at the man, a snide smile across his lips. “She won’t remember.” He crowed, letting himself be taken away, “you made the serum doctor. Surely you didn’t think it would end there?”
The man crouched, choking on tears. Wind whistled behind him from the smashed window, forcing him to turn to look at the wreck his house had become. Overturned couches, blood on the carpet, smashed lights and slashed paintings. He rolled up his sleeves.
*One Month ago,*
She looked up at him as he walked into her hospital room, an unsure smile hovering on her face. She had been reading the book he had left her. It had been her favourite. He could see from the dog ear folding the love hadn’t wavered. Or her terrible book habits.
Just her memory of the past five years.
“Reuben?” She asked, watching him, “did you leave me this book?”
“Yeah,” he shrugged, “do you like it?”
“Love it, actually,” she admitted. “Did I… before I…”
“Yeah, it was your favourite novel.”
He smiled at her, knowing pain flashed through his eyes. She had been the one who had convinced him to love her. She had bought him coffee every day for six months, her bright smile forcing itself into his experimentations and studies. That smile had become his sun, finding himself hoping she would never stop. “You can’t ignore the world in your little lab forever.” She’d told him. “Even the Queen of England gets her birthday off.”
He’d laughed at her. Calling her naive, wishful, ridiculous. She wanted to love him. He could see it in the way she’d leaned in too close, the way her eyes rested on his face. When did he stop being annoyed by her appearances and earnest eyes? “Come on Ru! Why don’t we buy ice-cream for lunch? I got paid today!”
She’d called him jaded. But like the sea against a cliffside he couldn’t stay away. “You know, its okay to be happy.” She’d whispered as they ate lunch, “Happy… with me even.”
And he had been. Happy. When she had skidded on wooden floors, his hands instinctively reaching out to her. Their first kiss had been on the wooden floors of a rental, her dirty blond hair splayed out around her head like a halo.
“So… you do like me then! You grumpy old man!”
He had laughed, leaning down to catch her lips. Her warmth, her light, her love.
Now his body ached as though he was waist deep in snow.
“So…” she said, jolting him to reality, “no word on an antidote?”
He sat on the chair near her bed, careful to give her space. He hadn’t touched her since the accident. Since his failure to protect her. How he had raged. His lab was a mess of broken glass and shattered apparatus. Some he had found that way, others he had thrown. The pain in his heart threatened to smother his mind completely. To see the blank look she gave him; concerned – but no more.
“Laura…” he steepled his fingers, “do you want me to make it? You are allowed to have a different life.” Stay with me. I love you. I wish I had told you that every hour.
“Of course, I do!” She cried, “I… I see you, and I think… I should know you!”
He laughed grimly. How hard she had worked to thaw his broken heart. How she had slipped her fingers into his. She had created a place for them, climbed into his cage and offered him a snack. Made them a sacred place and laid out a picnic rug.
He stroked a hand down her face, both of them tensing at the instinctive movement.
“I… I don’t know if it would work.” He said slowly, snatching back his hand, “It could take years to develop. I don’t want you to wait that long. You deserve happiness.”
She had been happy with him. She had lit up like Christmas lights at his voice, every small smile he gave her. Now it was gone, replaced by a sense of doom that pulsated in his ears like gallows drums.
“When you met me,” he said slowly, “I was – am – a doctor at an institute for experimental compounds and serums. You were – are, brilliant. I could write a recommendation letter and you could work in any lab in the country.” Don’t leave me.
“But I used to work with you? Can I not… do that? My doctors want me to return to my routine to see if my memory comes back.”
His insides burst into painful flames. How could he stand next to her and not touch her, not see her beaming smile? He would watch her the way a man watches a mirage in a desert. A savage part of him told him he deserved it.
But she didn’t.
“As you wish.”
*Today*
“So,” she said over the table, smiling tentatively at him, “you are actually incredible. No wonder I fell in love with you.”
She watched the words stab and uplift him in a moment. She kicked herself, wishing every compliment didn’t have to hurt him. She knew he blamed himself for the accident. He had paid for a place a street away from his house for her. She knew he wore their wedding ring around his neck. Hers was on her bedside table. She found herself often playing with it, admiring the craftworkship of the stars etched into it. When she had asked him, his face had turned cold and unfeeling, sealing off all exits to his heart.
“It’s because you are my light.” Are. She had stumbled upon something sacred again.
She watched him eat, the way his lips moved. Day by day she found herself wondering what it would be like to touch them, kiss him. Let him curl his large, fine fingered hands around her.
Past her had taste.
“Ru…” he looked up at her again, his green eyes watching her for any sign of pain or discomfort.
“Can I…” she stood, watching him stand with her. He moved so fast his chair flipped over. He followed her back to their lab, the antidote being made in the corner like an afterthought. But it wasn’t. He did it after hours, painstakingly working through the mechanics of a cure.
She shut the door and stepped into his space, watching his pupils dilate. He loved her. The past two months had changed nothing for him. Every inch of him loved her. She could see it in the way his eyes hovered over her, his hands bawled into fists when she walked past.
“I… want to try something.” She said, “let me try?”
He nodded, his eyes dipping down to her lips. She smiled, placing a hand on his chest. And kissed him. His eyes widened, moving to pull away. He stopped halfway, savagely pulling her closer. She ran a finger down his face, allowing him to push her up against a wall. He gasped against her mouth, his hands either side of her head. He left a trail of kisses down her neck, stopping at the collar of her shirt. Slowly he pulled back, gently placing his head on her shoulder.
Something stirred deep inside her. Like a nagging thought or a word on the tip of her tongue. He pulled away, turning his back to her.
“Enough.” He said hoarsely. “I will always love you, Laura. Whatever form you take. Whatever choices you make.” A choked sound was cut off, Reuben viciously wiping his eyes with a sleeve out of sight.
“I am yours eternally. But you don’t have to want this.”
She walked up to him, gently turning him around. This clever man. She had seen how he worked. Had seen the hunch in his shoulders as he puzzled out theories to make real. She knew somewhere, like a fragment of a thought. She loved him. And she would bet her future on him.
She gently placed her hands either side of his face, his face full of anguish.
“I want this.”
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