I closed the door behind Kat and leaned my back against it. Tears fell streaming down my cheeks, but I wasn’t sad. The puzzle pieces kept going into the correct places, and everything began to make sense.
I touched my lips with my finger. She kissed me. With her lips. The feeling of her lips still lingering on mine, I closed my eyes. I had never before felt anything like it. How a simple kiss can feel so good. It felt like my body was on fire. My heart beat like crazy, my breathing was quick and shallow. My ears felt hot, my cheeks flushed. I didn’t need to touch anything to know my panties were wet. Just from a simple kiss. I dared not think what else could happen.
I touched my lips again. It felt like they were still warm from her touch. Her lips were so soft, so warm… I’d kissed before, of course. I’d had a couple of serious boyfriends before this. But kissing them… it never felt like anything even close to this. I didn’t hate it, but it never had this effect on me. I thought that it was how things were.
So I guess that’s it then. I guess I’m a lesbian too. I mean, there’s no other explanation for any of this. This is literally the moment where you can say that there is no heterosexual explanation for this at all. I shook my head and walked back to the living room.
I figured Kat’s suggestion of taking the shower wasn’t that bad. At least I needed to change my underwear, and I was probably sweating enough that it’d be a good idea regardless of anything else.
I threw my clothes on the sofa like the lazy person living alone that I am. I walked to the bathroom and stopped to look in the mirror. As I said, I didn’t look half bad but compared to Kat... if, when she comes back, things end up happening and... I glanced towards my bedroom. Oh no. I figured out I’m a lesbian less than an hour ago and I’m already thinking about doing... things. I’m a pervert!
But anyway. I’m not sure I could show my naked body to her, she’s so much prettier and curvy. I’m just a thin stick with boobs. Alright, I’m not that bad, but Kat has Curves. No, she isn’t the thinnest woman, but her mass is in the right places. So very right places.
I cupped my breasts and looked at the mirror. I’m a large B, maybe a small C, depending on how you count. She must be a D at least, if not slightly bigger. They don’t look disproportional on her, just big. And yes, here I am, fresh out of the closet, gay and already thinking about another woman’s breasts. I’m the worst. I’m a horny pervert. I hide my face in my hands and sigh.
I turn the water on, I’ll take a bath, that’ll hopefully keep me relaxed until she gets back here. Stay as long as I’d like, wasn’t that what she said? What did she mean about that? I’d like her to stay for good, but I’m sure she doesn’t feel the same. Feel. Oh yeah, feelings; now that I figured out why my body acts like this, I think it’s time to turn towards figuring out my mind.
I step into the hot bath and try to relax. So what was it? I’ve been feeling this weird feeling at the back of my head since yesterday. Right after I got drunk, I’d guess... so does it have anything to do with getting drunk? I highly doubted that. So that left only Kat. What was it? Desire? I mean, yeah, I can admit that now, I do desire her. But it’s not that. Desire would not explain everything. Envy? Yeah, that too, but again, not enough.
I pressed my hands onto my chest and felt my heart beating loudly. I sat up and opened my eyes, suddenly. Heart... did I... did I actually... Nah, can’t be that, it’s too early for that. But they do mention the ‘at first sight’ thing, there has to be something to it. Did I actually... like her? LIKE, like? In that sense?
I tried to imagine saying “I like you” to her and blushed like crazy. Oh yeah, we’re definitely onto something here. So, I do like her? Enough to call it L…? No, not after such a short while, surely. This is not how things work. Definitely not that word. But…
After the bath - I don’t really know how long I spent there, an hour at least - I got up and went to dress. Although my body was clean, my mind was probably dragging itself through a gutter or something, as I kept selecting revealing and sexy underwear all the time. And I couldn’t tell if I wanted her to see them or not.
I settled on a compromise with my mind and dressed in a cute pair of black thongs with a tiny lace ruffle on top, and a matching bra where the lacy ruffle was pastel pink. Over them, I put on a black evening gown that was almost skin-tight at the top and spread out to form a wide brim from knees down.
I tied my hair in a topknot and added the pink stripe back in. I put on light makeup, just a tiny cat-eye eyeliner and a dash of eyeshadow in hot pink. And bright red lipstick. I looked at myself from the mirror and was sufficiently satisfied with the final result. I wished I had some wine or something, but I guessed having wine with pizza would be sort of clashing.
Also, I really didn’t want to drink alcohol at this point. I had a couple of sodas in my fridge, so that would have to do. I thought having a salad on the side would be great, so I set out to make a small portion of that to go with the pizza.
I had the salad in the fridge and I was just washing the last of the tools when the doorbell rang. I practically dropped everything and just ran to the door. When I opened it, I was met with a smell of pizza, garlic, and something fruity. And the best smile in the world.
I moved to the side and let her in. Kat was dressed in black tights, a black miniskirt, and a long jacket. She walked in and I grabbed the pizzas. I put them onto the living room table and went to find forks and knives for us.
She walked in and I saw she was wearing a midriff with floral lace at the top, just barely hiding her nipples. She had a white, thin shawl over her shoulders. She sat down on the couch. I walked to her, handed her the fork and knife, and sat down next to her.
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN3vRFASQkw
***
57Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPy6lNoU3ox
The pizza was great; the company better. We watched funny cat videos and read out stupid comments and laughed at them while we ate. I felt so at ease with her, like all my worries were just… gone. I’d never felt like this with anyone else. Was it L—?
As we were sitting side to side on the couch, I leaned in on her without even noticing it. I realized I had leaned on her shoulder once she wrapped her hand around my shoulders and pulled me closer. I turned to look at her and she smiled at me with so gentle a smile I melted inside. Lo…? She took my hands in hers and pulled my gaze into her eyes.
“Jo,” she said. “Whatever happens, wherever this evening is going, if anything, anything feels wrong or too fast or just that you don’t feel like it, tell me," she said with genuine care in her eyes. “Promise me that, Joanna. Promise me you’ll tell me if you don’t like something. I don’t want to hurt or scare you. Or make you feel uncomfortable," she said and clasped our hands together.
My heart jumped, and I felt a lump in my throat. No one, no one, had ever said that to me. No one had ever been so considerate. Not even in my longest relationship. It was always about them, not me. I was there to provide, not to receive. I nodded because I didn’t trust my voice. She smiled and pulled me closer. I leaned on her chest. Her heart was beating fast too, almost as fast as mine. Why was she nervous?
I was about to say something when her phone rang. She looked at it annoyed, almost threw it back into her bag, but decided against it. “I’m gonna take this, Jo. It’s my friend. If I don’t answer, she’s going to bother us the whole evening,” she said and stood up.
I nodded at her and pointed towards my bedroom. “You can talk there,” I said.
She nodded and hurried towards my bedroom. “Kat here, how’s it hanging, Helen?” she answered the phone. She went into my bedroom and closed the door.
I knew I should just sit here and wait, but to my shame, I had to admit my curiosity won me three times over. I stood up and tiptoed towards my bedroom. I stood close to my bathroom door, so I could pretend I was going there if she opened the door. She hadn’t closed the door completely, so I was able to hear her part of the conversation pretty easily.
“For reals, Helen,” she was saying, “One more time, I’m not going to join you on your blind date!”
So, she was going to go on a date with a random person? My heart sank as I thought about that.
“No!," she almost yelled. “Ok, here’s the deal,” she said and paused for a few secs. “I found a treasure.”
What treasure? Was she a treasure hunter? Geocaching? A metal detector on a beach?
“ What? No, you stupid...” she said to the phone. “Not that kind of treasure. A person. Yeah. Now, listen. This one is… this one is special. I’m really, really hoping I don’t have to accept your invites to blind dates anymore,” she said.
A person? My heart jumped so hard I had to swallow it down. Was she talking about…
“Yes! I’m trying to tell you, I found the real deal. My heart flutters when she looks at me. She’s so pure I can’t… Helen. Listen. I’m really, really, REALLY hoping I’m not single anymore after this. I haven’t had the courage to ask her anything. But she’s so cute. Her voice makes my toes curl! Yeah, yeah, I’m here, at her place. We watched IM&Y, and she liked it, unlike you uncivilized dorks.”
She was talking about me! And in what way! My legs wobbled, and I had to catch the wall for support.
“No, no, I don’t think so,” Kat continued. “Well, she didn’t know it yesterday, but I think she’s always been. Yeah. No, I’m not going to jump her if she doesn’t want to! I’m not that kind of girl! What? No, of course. I would reeeaally love to! I mean, she looks so fucking good. I think I’m gonna wet myself from just looking at her.”
What? She thinks of me like…
“No, you ass!” she said. “Well, I’m going to be frustrated and sad if she doesn’t want to, but I will not touch her without her approval. This is the one, Helen. She’s the one for me. I can feel it. I reallllly don’t want to fuck this up. Listen, I gotta go, I don’t want—”
I panicked and went into the bathroom, closed the door behind me and leaned on it. What was all that? She was talking about me? She was talking about me like that?! My heart almost jumped out of my chest, I had to consciously keep my breathing deep and slow so I didn’t pass out. She liked me like that? And she wanted…? I swallowed and smiled. It wasn’t just me then? I wasn’t a broken pervert for thinking like that…? I heard her open the door and walk into the living room.
“Jo?” she called out.
I flushed the toilet and washed my face and hands with cold water. I took a deep breath and stepped out.
“Here,” I said. “I just had to take a short bathroom break,” I said, and hoped my lie wouldn’t show up on my face. She turned to look at me and smiled.
She walked to me and took my hands into hers and looked into my eyes.
I looked into hers and then at her lips. Her lips were so soft looking and I remembered their touch. Instinctively, I stepped closer, tiptoed, and kissed her lips gently. She smelled so good when we were so close. Her lips were soft and warm.
She wrapped her hands around my waist and pulled me really close.
Lov…?
She looked into my eyes and then kissed me.
I closed my eyes and was lost in the kiss. For how long, I can’t say.
She licked my lips with her tongue and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I pressed my tongue into her mouth and she twirled hers around it. I pulled off slightly and took a deep breath, then breathed out and held my finger up for her. “I…," I said weakly. “I need to breathe…”
She laughed warmly and held me close, patting my shoulders gently with her hand. “Katherine…” I said. “I—I…” I started, but she pressed her finger to my lips.
“Shh, Joanna," she said. “Don’t say anything yet. Let me hold you for a little while like this," she said.
I pressed tightly against her and we stayed like that, just standing there, listening to each other’s breathing. I heard her heartbeat, it beat faster now. Her breathing was quick, like mine.
“Do you want to…?," she said.
Even though she let the sentence trail out, I knew exactly what she meant. And just ten minutes earlier, I would have hesitated, I would have said ‘I don’t know’ or looked away nervously. But now, I knew exactly what I really wanted to. I wanted her so badly. I’ve never wanted anything or anyone this badly. I wasn’t scared anymore. I knew myself now. This was what I had been missing all these years. This is what, and who, I am. I’m hers. I’m so completely hers I cannot think to let go.
I took her chin into both of my hands, tiptoed, and kissed her deeply, running my tongue along her lips. I stopped, pulled my head an inch backward, and looked into her eyes so close our noses touched. “I want you, Katherine. I want you so badly.”
ns 15.158.61.6da2
