“SAMANTHA. OPEN THE DAMN DOOR.”
“CALLING ME SAMANTHA WON’T MAKE ME MORE INCLINED TO OPEN THE DAMN DOOR.”
Liam snorted. I heard a noise that sounded like a slap. “OW.” He yelled. “SISTER THAT HURT. SAMMY, OPEN THE DOOR AND PROTECT ME FROM MY EVIL VIOLENT SISTER.”
I snorted. Lily was the least violent of my immediate group of friends. “CALLING ME SAMMY DOESN’T EXACTLY HELP EITHER.” I yelled back. “ESPECIALLY NOT FROM YOU.” 819Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqpwInu6tIF
After returning from the hospital, I'd briskly walked straight to my room and screamed into my pillow. Then I cried into my pillow. A lot. Then I burrowed myself into my pillows and blankets for the next 48 hours.
I’d stopped crying ages ago, but my eyes were still swollen. My stomach was growling and I was sweating like hell, but I still remained curled in a ball underneath my blankets, protecting myself from the heartbreak and dangers of the outside world (ie. my nosy friends who had nothing better to do than to ask me if I was okay).
“Okay, I’m gonna go get the saw.” I heard Liam mumble from the other side of the door.
“Liam.” Lily answered, seriously. “We don’t have a saw.”
I could almost imagine Liam’s disbelief. “What respectable household doesn’t have a saw?”
Lily definitely had her hands on her hips. “That’s the thing, Liam. We’re not a household. We’re two girls who can barely hold their shit together long enough to pay the rent. There’s a difference.”
Wow. Lily must be really stressed. Slapping Liam, then saying shit? She was on a roll.
Liam scoffed. “Well, I’m sure I can find something to get us through this door.” His footsteps thumped away from my door.
“If you break anything, you’re paying!!”
I grinned. If Liam was getting destructive, I might as well have some fun.
I crept out of bed and stepped quietly towards the door, around the spots I knew were squeaky. I carefully picked up the furniture blocking my door and moved it away, then slowly turned the lock. Then I dashed back to my bed and back into my fetal position as Liam’s footsteps got closer.
“Why don’t you have anything mildly dangerous in this apartment? I would’ve thought you’d at least have a knife that was bigger than my hand.”
“We don’t cook.”
“That’s probably why you have so much trouble paying the rent.”
“That makes no sense.”
“Yes it does!! With the money you spend buying food, you could be paying the rent. Then you have to count the fact that Sam has at least one LARGE cup of coffee per day, plus you both spend irrational amounts of money on clothes. It adds up!!!”
“Wow!! Maybe you should just become a financial consultant instead of a musician! I’m sure everyone would love to hear your wonderful and not at all offending advice!”
“They’d all pay just to hear me talk. I’ve been told that my voice has soothing, healing qualities.”
“AND WHO SAID THAT? YOUR EGO? HE’S SO BIG, HE PROBABLY NEEDS A SEPARATE BODY.” I yelled. “AND JUST FOR THE RECORD, I MAKE MY OWN COFFEE. THE COFFEE SHOPS NEVER GET IT RIGHT.”
There was a long silence. Then there were whispers, not audible enough to discern. Then Liam rammed through my door and fell on the ground. I giggled to myself.
“HOW LONG HAS YOUR DOOR BEEN OPEN?” He yelled, half disbelievingly and half angrily. His face was as red as a tomato.
I smiled and poked my head out of my cocoon. “About three minutes. Maybe four.”
Liam sighed, then ran his hand down his face. “Have you been crying?”
My smile faltered. “No.”
“DON’T LIE, YOU’VE BEEN CRYING.” Yelled Lily.
I stared at her, alarmed. “Are you alright, Lils?”
“Are you? That was some pretty intense stuff back at the hospital. You know, that visit TWO DAYS AGO BEFORE YOU WENT INTO TEMPORARY HIBERNATION.”
“Hibernation is always temporary. And you call yourself a science major?” Asked Liam dubiously.
Lily scowled. “Hibernation is part of biology. And biology is a completely different field of science from my major of physics, not to mention the subcategories of each. It’s not all fun and games in the science department.”
Liam rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Either way,” he started, turning to me. “We’re worried.”
“Wow, you’re worried about someone other than yourself? That’s a first.”
He raised a brow. “Haven’t I been asking if you were okay for like, the past five days? By the way, are you okay? I mean, it’s not like Ted’s dead. He woke up. That’s already a hundred times more than the doctors expected. So that's a good sign, right?”
I stayed silent, pulling my covers back over my head. The shadow of Lily nudged Liam.
“As usual, not helping.” She said. “C’mon Sam. You gotta at least eat something. You haven’t eaten in, what, two days?”
“Actually,” I said. “I have a hidden stash of junk food in my room. I’ve been living off of it. My stash of coffee crisps is almost completely depleted, since I had to at least get the taste of coffee. Maybe I should buy a coffee machine for my room…” I mused.
Liam threw his hands up. “There you go. Another dumb investment.”
I threw my covers off again. “See, but there’s where you’re wrong. Coffee machines are incredibly useful. Now I wouldn’t have to go to the kitchen to get my coffee at night, I could make it in the comfort of my own room. But then, in the morning, I can just make it while I eat breakfast so I don’t have to walk back to my room to get my cup of coffee. It’s called making the most of my energy.”
“And where else would you use that energy?”
“OKAY that’s not the point.” Lily intervened. “We’re getting off track. Sam, you are eating and expressing your feelings before any of us leave this room. It’s for your own health.”
“I’m losing weight and going on an intense journey of self-discovery. It’s very healthy.”
“See, writers can twist regular words in an infinite amount of ways to have a completely different meaning. She’s using words that are generally well-accepted to represent her horribly unhealthy situation.” Liam nodded matter-of-factly. Lily glared at him.
“What, are you a therapist now? How are you even my brother? Mom must've had an affair with some corny musician with weird hair.”
He just grinned. Then he walked over to my desk. “What’re you doing?” I mumbled.
Liam picked up my thick, well-loved notebook sitting atop my laptop that had magically reappeared upon returning from the hospital the first night. Then he pushed aside some loose papers and found a pen. He clicked it and dropped the two objects on my bed.
I stared at my notebook, then back at him. “What am I supposed to do with these?”
He shrugged. “You’re a writer. Express your emotions in the written word, or whatever.”
I stared at him in disbelief. “You should know something about writers.” I started. “We’re artists. We don’t just write. We have to get inspired. It’s not a matter of telling us to write something and then we just write something. We have to think, search the world around us for something to put to paper. If we’re not…” I jumped up to my feet on my bed. “Inspired!! Impassioned!!” I flourished my arms wildly. “If we can’t think of the right words to write, we won’t write. It’s that simple. So you can’t tell me to write about my feelings like it’s nothing. Writing is an art. As the artist, I have to like what I write. And when I don’t feel enough for the subject, I don’t like my writing. Kapeesh??” I stared down at them from my position on my bed. I felt almost God-like.
Liam and Lily both raised their brows at me.
“I’m not crazy!!! I’m just… Visionary!!! Introspective!!! Contemplative!!! Refl—“
“Ah, there she goes with the synonyms again.” Liam smirked at the dirty look I shot him. “So are you telling me that you don’t feel enough for… your feelings?819Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJcTwwaG7fj
I flailed my arms. “No!! You completely misunderstood my entire monologue!! The point is, in my current state, I’m not inspired! I have these weird… emotions swirling around my stomach and my chest and my brain and I can’t make them clear enough to feel something for the words I create from them!!”
He shook his head. “I have no idea what you just said.”
I scoffed. “Musicians.”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” he protested.
“It means, musicians. Always feeling so sorry for yourselves because you—“
“OKAY!! OKAY.” Lily stepped between us. “YOU TWO ARE COMPLETELY OUT OF YOUR MINDS. SPENDING ALL THIS TIME AROUND YOU STUPID EMOTIONAL ARTISTS, IT’S A WONDER I DON’T LOSE MY MIND TOO. LIAM, YOU GO MAKE A SANDWICH FOR SAM. AND SAM, YOU TAKE THAT NOTEBOOK AND WRITE ABOUT YOUR DAMN FEELINGS OR I’LL HIRE A REAL THERAPIST WHO’LL MAKE YOU DO STUPID EXERCISES AND STUFF ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONS.”
Liam and I glared at each other until Liam finally pouted and skulked out of the room. I continued standing on my bed, breathing heavily, until Lily gave me a sharp look.
“You.” She said, pointing to me. “Down.” I frowned, and obeyed, opening my notebook in my lap and picking up my pen. I stared at the blank page until the shrill rings of my phone broke my not-so-focused concentration.
I jumped, snatching my phone and answering. “Hello?”
“Hello?” The nervous voice of my father responded.
“Dad!! What’s up?? Are you at the hospital?”
“Yeah, I heard you were in a cocoon. You don’t sound much like you’re hibernating anymore. That’s good.” I was about to retort when he quickly continued. “Ted’s fine. He fell back asleep after you left but he’s woken up a few times. It’s been pretty calm without you.”
I smiled. “Yeah. Well, without me, Ted doesn’t have his partner in crime. That definitely makes for some peace."
He chuckled. “Of course.” He paused. “I’ve got some good news.”
I perked up, pacing around my room. “Really?”
“Yes. The doctors have okayed Ted for more visitors than just your mother and I. Nothing too extreme, obviously, but he’s more stable now and he’s healing up nicely. It’ll be a couple of weeks before he can go around in a wheelchair, and get discharged, but for now I thought you might like to see him. He’s been asking for you.”
I grinned. Lily was right in front of my face, demanding to know what was going on. “Great!!! I’ll be there in 15 minutes.” I hung up quickly and dashed out of my bedroom and out the front door.
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