Ugg. I groaned as I gingerly walked out towards a large obstacle course. I was pretty sure my blisters had blisters. And my legs were so sore I almost thought that I pulled each of my hamstrings and both of my calves. Who in their right mind would run twenty miles up a freaking mountain? I had always been good at running. I had the build for it at least. My brother was able to bulk up in high school while, much to my disappointment, my frame had stayed slim and wiry. That did not mean that I enjoyed running. Seeing all these buff men at the end glistening with sweat, now that I did enjoy.
I knew I had to be careful with thoughts like that here. I had to keep my actions here strictly professional. I had the suspicion that some of my peers may not react well to the truth about my to my sexual orientation. Especially because I was already an outlier in a group of souped up military types. Now, Payton was a different story. She seemed to be an outlier too and I didn’t believe I would receive the same kind of judgment from her.
I did believe that there was a whole lot more to Payton than the tough bravo that she put on. I had no doubt that she could handle anything that Whistler threw at her. But that look she gave me yesterday when I offered to help her told me that she was also vulnerable. Vulnerable to what, I had no idea, but she was definitely carrying around a huge weight on her soul. And I was planning to get close enough to her to find out what that weight is.
Speaking of the devil, the woman in question was striding across the field toward me. And without a single indication within that stride that she is sore from the run yesterday. Life was just not fair.
“Good morning sunshine,” I said in an upbeat voice.
“Do not call me sunshine,” Payton bit back, “and why in the world are you so chipper? You do realize that they are going to make us run through that thing today.” She pointed towards the very large obstacle course that we were instructed to meet at this morning. My smile faded as I looked at the course and thought about my legs that I could barely move without wincing. “Damn patriarchal instinct to compete over who has the bigger fucking muscles,” Payton grumbled, and I bust out laughing.
“Oh my God! That is the best description for obstacle courses I have ever heard. Thank you for that.” I was still laughing when Jon, Victor, and Amir joined us.
“What’s got him going?” Victor asked as he eyed me warily.
“Apparently I’m funny,” Payton replied in the same grumpy voice, “And Oliver is a morning person.”
“I hate morning people,” Victor stated as he narrowed his eyes at me and moved to stand next to Payton. She looked mildly surprised by this move of solidarity but was unable to comment because Griffin was currently trying to get everyone’s attention. He had a deep booming voice that fit the “The Rock” persona that I had assigned him to a tee.
“I asked you to meet here this morning to introduce you to the Green Monster. As you can see the Green Monster is an obstacle course that was specifically designed to test the strength of our agents.” At the mention of testing strength I looked over to Payton and had to keep myself from laughing at the smirk on her face. “For some of you who have trained in this type of environment before, tackling the Green Monster will not pose much of a challenge.”
In short, I mused, the guys who had done this before in military boot camp had nothing to worry about.
“However, if you do not have experience within obstacle courses, I would recommend that you spend the little free time that you have, getting to know this Monster. Because this will be one of your individual tests. At the end of the training program your run through the Green Monster will be timed and recorded in your file.”
Well Fuck. This is what I really didn’t understand about the whole ‘joining a team’ process. I already had a team. I had worked with my brother’s team on multiple occasions and knew that I meshed well with them. Wasn’t that what this whole training program was about. Matching them with a team that we worked well with. So what if I wasn’t the strongest or toughest. Ethan, Chris, and Ezra not to mention Liam were tough enough for any team. I would bring a different element to the team with my computer skills and easy-going personality. So why was I here with two legs that feel like they might fall off at any moment contemplating how to ‘tackle the Green Monster’.
“The Green Monster is not a team event,” Griffin continued, “I do not care if you ever step foot on this course before the official run. It is completely up to you how much or little time you spend out here.” Oh, he says he doesn’t care how much time we spend out here, but they also said that they would monitor us. If we don’t spend time practicing and then get a bad time, they will conclude that we don’t have good work ethic or something like that.
“We do expect every Whistler agent to be able to fully complete every aspect of this course.” Griffin’s eyes seemed to move to look over both Payton and Elena, the other girl recruit. I was about to get pissed on their behalf with feminist indignation when Griffin’s gaze shifted to stare at me. My stomach dropped. Chris had never mentioned that I could actually fail this program. I had assumed these six weeks were just a formality. Something I had to complete for all the paperwork to be in order with corporate Whistler. I really thought that I already had a place with Chris’s team.
What if I couldn’t do this? I had passed on a job at Google for this. I had rejected an opportunity to start a small company with my close friends for this. Why wouldn’t my brother tell me that there were physical requirements that I had to meet to get this job. I could have been training for the last year. A lifetime of always feeling inferior to Chris and the accompanying sense defeat and disappointment came crashing down on me. Why the fuck did I ever think that I would be able to do this? I should have just kept to what I was good at and never came here.
I was starting to panic and drown in a sea of self doubt when a warm hand moved to rest on my forearm. I looked down into Payton’s intense brown eyes. She continued to stare into my eyes without blinking, clearly trying to convey some strong emotions. Those eyes pulled me out of the waters of my doubt and grounded me in this moment with her. When I was finally able to take a shaky deep breath she leaned closer and in a stern, broke-no-arguments, voice told me, “We. Will. Get. Through. This.”
I stared back into those fierce eyes and felt a little less alone. My brother may have abandoned me here to fail but Payton would have my back.
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