The next night, I decided to go and see Rico to ask him if what Richard said was true. After Richard left my apartment last night, I had trouble sleeping because I couldn't stop thinking about the possibility of Rico not loving me anymore. I really don't know what's worse, Rico marrying someone else or him not loving me anymore. I wasn't sure if I was ready to confront Rico like this. What if he says yes to not being in love with me anymore? I know he's just one person, but I feel like i'm not completed when i'm not with him.
Once I reached Rico's apartment, I took a couple deep breaths to calm my racing heart before I gently knocked on the door and waited for him to answer. A minute has passed and soon, I noticed that the door was opening. I looked up and came face to face with Rico. At first, he looked a bit surprised to see me, but then he softly smiled and invited me in.
We both walked into the living room and I sat down on the couch.
"Do you want something to drink?" He asked.
I shook my head then watched him sit down next to me.
"I....I came here because I have something to ask of you."
Rico nodded as he faced me then rested his arm on the back of the couch.
"Okay. What is it?"
I took another deep breath, already feeling my heart racing again. I had to calm down or else i'll choke on my words. Finally, I was able to compose myself long enough to open up my mouth and began speaking.
"I...was wondering..." I started.
I didn't want to mention that Richard told me what he said because I wasn't sure if this was something that Rico wanted me to know so it's best that I ask like i'm just curious on my own.
"Do you....Do you still love me?" I finally asked.
I closely watched Rico. At first, he stared at me, a bit surprised that I asked the question then he sighed and looked away, avoiding eye contact with me. As I waited for Rico to answer me, I slowly came to the conclusion that he doesn't love me anymore and I started to feel sadness overcome me again.
I watched Rico then I slowly leaned in, wanting to kiss him again when he suddenly pulled away from me.
"Landon, I can't. You know that." He said.
I pulled away and sighed then I looked away.
"Why am I here then? I might as well leave." I said then I quickly stood up and started to head for the door.
Rico jumped up from the couch and started to follow behind me.
"Landon," He called out.
Suddenly, I stopped in my tracks and felt myself becoming dizzy. I tried to stand still and I closed my eyes so I can let the dizziness past, but it became more intense to the point where I felt my body dropping to the floor and I passed out.
***
When I woke up hours later, I realized that I was in Rico's room, laying in his bed. I looked up and noticed that Rico was looking down at me, sitting on the bed. I stared at him for a minute, trying to remember what had happen as he patted my warm, sweaty skin with a cool, damp towel.
"You passed out so I brought you to my room to rest." He explained.
I slowly nodded. I didn't get much sleep last night because I was too busy stressing over Rico's answer so I was feeling emotionally and physically exhausted.
I sighed softly then I slowly sat up.
"Sorry to have troubled you. I'll just leave." I said, starting to get up from the bed when Rico stopped me.
"Stop. You should stay in bed. Besides, it's getting really late. You might as well just sleep here tonight."
I stared at Rico with wide eyes, trying to see if I heard right. The last time I slept over with Rico was when we were in high school right before we graduated. That was seven years ago. I didn't think that Rico would've want me to sleep over at his place anymore now that he's engaged.
Seeing my expression, Rico smiled softly.
"I'm not letting you leave my place this late tonight. Just sleep here okay? I'm going to go take a shower. Afterwards, i'll fix you something to eat. You look like you haven't eaten for awhile." He said then stood up and walked to the other side of his room.
I sighed softly, feeling a bit relieved that Rico is letting me stay over. Then again, he's probably only being nice because he doesn't want me to go outside this late. Me staying over as his lover isn't probably the first thing on his mind anymore.
I sat there, feeling a bit sad when I noticed that Rico was starting to take his clothes off. I watched as he removed articles of clothing one after the other until he was only in his underwear. I bit down on my bottom lip then I stood up and walked over to him. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed my head against his chest.
"Landon," He started.
"Please. Can you please...sleep with me?" I softly asked, wanting to be with Rico in bed tonight.
It's been awhile since I've felt loved and I've longed to have Rico hold me in his arms and kiss me all night.
"Landon...you know I can't. I'm sorry." He softly said then he gently pushed me away.
I watched him as he walked into his bathroom and turned on his shower. I frowned then walked back over to his bed and sat down on it. I sat there as I listened to the shower run then I bald my fists up. I felt so many temptations rising up inside of me. I couldn't stop myself from standing up and going into the bathroom.
I gently knocked on the shower door and watched as Rico opened it up and stuck his wet head out.
"Yes?" He said.
I bit down on my bottom lip and looked down.
"Can I...join you?" I asked.
Then, I heard Rico sigh. I looked at him and noticed that he was starting to become a little irritated.
"Landon, I can't. I'm marrying Will. It wouldn't be right-"
"Why not!? I'll only be showering with you!" I shouted, cutting him off.
Rico looked me straight in the eyes.
"Landon, it's still cheating. If we were together and I decided to take a shower with Will, would you like it?" He asked.
I looked away and shook my head.
"Exactly. No matter how you see it, it's still cheating. I'm sorry." He said then closed the shower door.
I bit down on my bottom lip, feeling a bit angry then I walked right out of the bathroom and over to Rico's bed then I sat down on it and stared at the floor. So, Rico doesn't love me anymore. He doesn't want to sleep with me. He doesn't want to shower with me. He doesn't want to do anything with me anymore. I feel so useless that I just can't take it anymore.
I hate the fact that Rico moved on and I hate the fact that he found someone better to marry. I feel like our whole relationship has been a lie since the beginning. I feel like I was the only one who had loved him and I don't know what to do anymore.
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