My hands wrap around the dirt filled cloth, my knuckles turning white. My chest fills with pain as my lungs struggle to breath. What did I do? My head swirls with pain, the throbbing becoming a hammer in the side of my skull. Soon the pain will become unbearable, but there's nothing I can do. Nothing. My eyes flit to Arthur, his body curled into a ball, the bruises like purple stains across his pale skin. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV7P0FLYszp
"What did you do to him?" I mutter, my voice barely above a whisper as I pull myself up. A lanky, tall boy with ashy blonde hair shrugs, his collarbone sticking out like mountains on his shoulders. "How could you not know?" I snap. Rage blurs my vision, my temple throbbing once more. I hate this. I hate whoever sent me here. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2iNn46rv8
"Leave." The word startles me. Slowly, I turn to the owner of the voice. Ragged clothes, torn and covered in dirt all over his body, outlining his arms and stomach. He's strong, I can tell that much. He stretches his neck, the tendons leaping out, screaming out his strength. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2GdNHJzWuu
I stand my ground.841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhJqmL3xIZQ
I should leave as instructed. Go back into safety, away from the harm of these men. I should cower down, become a dog, just as every other woman knows she has to be. Aadya appears in my mind, her body slim but strong, her face hardened from emotions. She channels herself well, keeping herself to be the cold, unfeeling one. Is she like a dog, afraid of her surroundings, in need of a master? I let that question go unanswered, to be analysed later on. Instead, I look into the eyes of my next opponent. This man, a replica of Giant. Maybe they were related or friends. Allies. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ7eYWnuZTB
The brown pools he calls eyes stare into mine. "I said leave." 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqT9ii8VbDH
My hands becomes fists at my sides. I will not submit to these people, I will not become a lesser. I will not be who I've always been. I bite down on my cheek, the pain bringing me back to reality. I hope to taste blood, to feel the metallic taste flow through my mouth. Just a sharp pain sears through my cheek instead. "No."841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtevi4QtdNh
I don't miss his eyes widen for a second. His hands spasm at his sides for a moment before he stretches them out. I bet he wants to wrap them around my throat.
"You know murder isn't frowned upon here," he says. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT94ITR3Mu2
I tilt my head to the side and let the corners of my lips turn upwards into a tiny smile. "I'm sure you can't wait to kill me." His eyes widen again, the shock running through them. Women don't answer back to men. We listen and obey. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ1FWzdRxb2
"You have some balls," he says, his face twisting into a smirk.841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoQd0xDn9nX
I let myself smile. "I'm taking that as a compliment."841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrkEmizaU4w
He circles around me, his hands intertwined together behind his back. "Now back to killing you."841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡamNbCynuP4
"You're quick to change the subject." Good, I think. Keep him distracted. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3jzomsWhwg
The corners of his mouth raise up into a smile. "And I like to stay on my chosen subject."841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6QHLn99mK1
My arms wrap across my body. "So you want me to die?" I don't miss his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallows.
My eyes rip from his neck to his eyes, throwing as much hatred as I possibly can show into mine. His are wide. They remind me of an animal just before I slaughter them, already have smelt me, already knowing my intention. But I'm not the killer, he is. Why would he be afraid to kill? Unless he's never done it before. My hands spasm at my sides. I've never killed a person before; how can I compare it? It must be similar though. I bite my cheek again and avert my eyes from his gaze. I can't let him see the fear that haunts me...controls me. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKkhfjf4w6a
"Watch out," he says. "For I will strike. At any time. When you least expect it."841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ733qyki1F9
Swallowing, I let my eyes look up to him again. It's like a blanket, what I put over myself, so he can't read my thoughts. My face becomes blank, unfeeling. I take a shuddering breath and pray that he can't hear the fear in my voice or hear my thumping heart. "Will you even be able to?" 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vS5yPhBvy
Sniggers erupt from behind me. His lips form into a thin line as his eyes pierce into mine. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTyTJlqoTqv
"It's soon to find out."841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjlL9L9WSI
I let my lips curve into a smile. "Won't be any good if you can't kill...when you're a body guard." I let my smile broaden as laughter breaks out as I walk over to the door and lead myself out.
***
I can't stop myself from never sleeping, letting myself lay wide awake at night. I don't want to die. My hands tighten around the sheets, the smell of urine and rat droppings filling up my nose. I don't know if they've ever cleaned the sheets here before. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc10oAXKXjT
I fling myself out of the bed, letting myself walk across the cold, stoned floor. It seeps into my feet, chilling me to the bone. Shivering, I crack open the window, the glass looking like it's about to shatter. The window chills my fingers. I wish for the warmth of fire at home, the heat wrapping itself around me. They could at least put a fire in this part of the castle. Maybe as a body guard I could make arrangements for it. The blistering cold air fills up my room. I gulp it down, my lungs aching for something clean to inhale. I don't care if I catch a cold. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXXIAmx0BNY
I make my way back to my bed and lower myself into it, my sheets barely fighting off the cold. I leave the window open though. If I die, I'm not dying from a bad smell.
***
841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzLsP3cEHZI
My hand wraps around the shaft, my arm aiming for the human shaped target. It hits the heart. Arthur's face spreads into a smile, always excited when I hit the target. I let myself smile though regret fills me up. I wish he wouldn't do this. He knows the Choosing is in two days. One of us will become a bodyguard. And the others will leave. Back to our homes. Back to our hungry mothers, our hungry siblings. Back to never knowing when our next meal will be.
I remember those days. I remember watching Tina turn into nothing. I looked at her and a skeleton looked back. I hated waking up every morning to lie and say that Mama will find a job and provide for us. I remember every night soothing Tina as she cried on my shoulder and told me her tummy hurt. It changed though. I met Harold when I was eleven. His father was a carpenter and Harold his apprentice. He taught me to build, sneaking me wood to my home every week. I built a crossbow. And I fed my family. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Hf1U8qf4H
Arthur squeals, bringing me back to reality. "I got it!" I can't help but smile. My chest tightens as I look at him. I want him to be safe, to be protected forever. I bite my cheek. He deserves to be free, to have a chance at life. I ignore the truth though. That he'll never become the bodyguard. I just hope his normal life is...okay.
***
It goes by in a blur. Waking up, dressing and fighting for breakfast. The guards push us out of the dining room and lead us through the hallways. Pass the training room, pass our sleeping quarters. I never heard of what happened to Giant's body. I guess murder isn't illegal here.841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUkbshZn3D
The guards stop. The one leading us, the one who took - kidnapped - me turns himself around, the light bouncing off his gold embedded mask. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV8AdJuTz5W
"Today is the Choosing," he says, his voice booming across the hallway, echoing off the walls. "One will be Chosen." I think I hear a chuckle in the silence. The next words are like a knife in my heart, twisting into already open wounds.
"The others...die."841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvJJTHtgUz
I remember once Mama slapped me across the face. She wanted me to have made five pennies that day. I barely made two. I had tried my hardest...for all of it to not be enough. This is what engulfs me now. I can never be enough, no matter how hard I try. I will always be lesser, always relying on men because I am not enough. I take a shuddering breath as a lump in my throat forms. Even if I become Chosen, then Arthur dies. If I'm not Chosen...then Tina dies. I squeeze my eyes shut. I've only known Arthur for two months. I've protected Tina with my life. Swallowing, I fight back the tears that threaten to spill. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRfvrmmfB19
The guards resume to walking again, making us follow suite. Somehow my legs move themselves towards certain death. No one speaks, the silence making it impossible to hide the sniffles, the choked sobs. I hold back the ball in my throat, knowing that if I open my mouth, the tears will flow. I will be weak. I won't be bodyguard material. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEh3N5HCry6
The doors loom in front of us. The light bounces off the metal hinges, embedded into the polished oak. Fit for a queen. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBA6VriqkKm
The guard spreads his hand across it. It creaks open, groaning down the hallways. Swallowing, I walk with the others. The Queen's throne room. I suck in a breath as I let my eyes observe it. The same stone walls are decorated with red flags of her Majesty's crown. Gold. I purse my lips. Real gold. All along these walls, she has real gold on her flags. And she can't afford to feed her Kingdom. Suddenly I don't want to be the bodyguard. Let Tina die. She can die in protest. She can starve because the Queen can't be bothered to save the ones dying. I clench my fists at my side. Let Aadya win. Let her sit by the Queen. They seem perfect for each other.
We stop. The guards move. She sits before us, her crown winking on her head. The light bounces off her lipstick, her red lips set in a straight line as she scans the room. Her hands are intertwined in each other, her fingers covered in jewels. The stones on her rings glint in the light, as if to promote her wealth. Her dress...I can't take my eyes off the thing. Covered in glittering silver, twinkling like stars. I pull my eyes away from it to her eyes. She stares straight into mine, her lips slightly twitching into a smile. I feel the heat spread across my face. I lower my gaze.841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU5nXcnfRzZ
"Let's start," the Queen says, her voice soft as silk. I bite my cheek, my teeth clenching on the sore that has formed in my mouth over these past couple of days. The metallic taste of blood fills my mouth. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnL9l6kEMOX
The guard nods. "Line up," he yells at us. He pushes us around until we're lined up in front her, like animals ready for the slaughter. The Queen's eyes rip through everyone, observing who she wants. I won't be surprised if she chooses one of the men, their bodies strong, muscular, nearly mouth watering. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6xrNG65jFI
"I see how there are only two...women," she says. She purses her lips.841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ19vkImIpGc
"Yes, Your Majesty," the guard says.841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGcAfvpnZHZ
Her eyes scan Aadya, looking her up and down. She motions towards her. "This one-" I hear Aadya gasp. She's been Chosen. It's for the best, I tell myself. I wanted to die. I didn't want to work for the Queen, or to work here, knowing I will be fed but others will still die as they struggle for food.
"This one," the Queen hisses, bearing her teeth. It reminds me of an animal. "Seems...motivated...strong. A good bodyguard." She tilts her head. "But she positions herself like a man." She presses her lips together. "She seems to be trying too hard for my acceptance." She then motions to me, her long, jewelled fingers pointing towards me. "This one, though, handles herself like a woman." She smiles. "I like her anger. I can see it. The way she looks at me. She hates me. I can see it in her eyes...the way her eyes snarl at me. I like it." She motions to the guard. "I want her." I thought I wanted to die before. Now I ache for it. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUDSJh0Avgx
He nods. "Yes, Your Majesty."841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9o46Zqab6
"You know what to do," the Queen says.841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbQjpsk38Hc
I will never be good enough. I just hope Arthur's death will be painless.
The screech leaps out across the room. Aadya runs across the room towards a guard. "You said she would pick me!"841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4T5NXaiBBb
"Stop acting like this, trainee," he says.841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu74qBeFwyc
Her mouth opens and then closes. "I-I didn't fuck you to do this." Her body racks with sobs as she falls to the ground.841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7mDbq3f45K
"Silence!" the Queen screeches. She motions to the guard with the mask embedded with gold. He holds a gun. Swallowing, I fight back the tears as he stalks up to me.841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1bdfs93vif
"Shoot whoever you want to die first," he says to me. "Then we kill the rest."841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOsUSPiaet
I should shoot Arthur. I need to know that his death will be painless. My hand grasps around the cold clunk of metal and I nod. I should walk over to Arthur. And then pull the trigger. My mind flicks to Aadya. I see her, tears streaming down her face. She latches herself at a guard, her arms laces around his feet. I wanted to kill her for what she did to me, to Arthur. It would be vengeance for him. I could say it's for him. He wouldn't want that. If I want vengeance for him, then I must first have vengeance for myself. So I walk over to him, his eyes staring into mine. Regret...no...something I can't read swirls in his eyes. Please don't make this any harder, I think. Swallowing, I point the gun to his head. A tear runs down his face, the only sign he's showing he's afraid. I should apologise...but I can't. He brought this onto himself. I swallow. I fight back the tears, and my voice catches. "I guess you can't kill after all." Then I pull the trigger.841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrP6OXT98Kl
I feel a hand clasp around my shoulder. "We'll take it from here," the guard says. Nodding I let him take the gun from me. My haND is covered in blood. His blood. Something wet covers my face. I sniffle and realise it's tears. I took someone's life. And I didn't know his name.
The gunshots ring out behind me, the cries painful to listen to. I don't dare look at the Queen. I shouldn't look at a curse. Finally, I turn, sure they're done. Instead, Arthur stands in front of me, snot and tears running down his chubby face. His body racks with sobs as the dead lay at his feet, the gun pointed at his head. He wipes his face and sniffles. He's too young for this .he should've stayed in his village. He should've found a job and worked until he died. Or until starvation got him. Anything is better than this. 841Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFPz1hcO5t
"I don't want to die, Cecelia." That's the last words to leave his lips before the gun fires, his head exploding into a million pieces of blood and gore. It pours over me. The only remains of him are scattered across me, his body laying limp on the ground. I can't even cry. I failed.
