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Three years passed in relative peace, during which time I studied freediving and underwater photography alongside the literature and swimming I was already learning. Phil and Jerome went and got themselves girlfriends, but I found myself not terribly interested in their pursuits. I was happy to go out with them Friday and Saturday nights, but more often than not I'd feel like a fifth wheel whenever their girlfriends showed up, and I'd usually politely bow out after an hour or so. Phil asked me about it once.76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjXByOcOKZ3
You're not interested in girls? he said, as we waited for the bus to take us into the city one blustery Saturday afternoon. 76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLCyaEZe1t
I shrugged, wrapping my scarf tighter around my neck - we were due for snow later that day, and it was bitterly cold. "Not really," I admitted. "I guess I've never really cared that much for them outside friendship. Coach Jess was the only woman I might've given a chance, but Mum ruined that for me all those years ago, and I can't trust another woman in that way again."
Fair enough, Phil said. I just wondered, that's all. I've noticed you looking a bit uncomfortable, but I didn't want to pry. Listen, if you ever want it to just be the three of us, let me know. Our girlfriends won't mind, and they trust us not to get up to too much mischief. 76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxJSppzJ0L
"I might take you up on that," I said.
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The new year brought old pain as I learned that Mum had finally managed to lodge a legitimate appeal. My lawyer was fuming mad when I met him in his office. "Your mum's appealed to have contact with you," he said. "She says she's had a lot of time to think about things over the last three years, and she wants to apologise for mistreating you the way she did. I told them I couldn't make any promises, but that I'd fight to make the contact as minimal as possible. You don't have to have contact with her if you don't want to; you're nineteen now, and you can choose for yourself."
I shivered despite myself. The mere thought of having to endure Mum in any form was enough to make me feel ill, and at the same time, I was furious with her for ruining the peace I'd managed to garner for myself in the last three years. I was actually starting to feel safe on the surface, but hearing this news of Mum had shattered all the hard-won confidence I'd acheived. "No fucking way in hell," I said angrily. "I know her line. She wants to play happy families now that I'm making a life for myself away from her smothering. Tell her to kick rocks, pound sand, and go to hell in whichever order she chooses. I'm not letting her reel me back in."
My lawyer gave me a rueful smile. "I had a feeling you'd say that," he said. "In that case, would you mind going to your therapist and obtaining a letter? I'm sure she'll be able to couch it in more diplomatic terms, but I'd ask her to make it as clear as day that having any sort of contact with your mother will be very detrimental to you, and it will in fact set you back. I'm not trained in that area myself, but I could see the life draining from you, and I can't begin to imagine what all this is doing to you beneath the surface."76Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8u4OZRA2xT
"It's not your fault," I assured him. "But you've more or less nailed it on the head. I'm going to make an emergency appointment today and get that letter in your hands as soon as I can."
Jackson nodded. "Understood," he said, giving me a half-smile that showed empathy if not understanding. "I'll waive the fees on this one; it should be an open and shut case."
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It was dark by the time I returned to the campus, but rather than seeking the warmth of my dorm, I instead opted for the slightly cooler, but relatively safer refuge the pool presented. There was no one else there, and I sighed in relief as I shut the doors behind me. In short order, I stripped down to my underwear and hopped in the water, sighing in relief as it welcomed me, lingering on the surface only long enough to take a deep breath, before diving underwater.
Everything became swallowed in black water , and I let myself sink, watching as the air left my lungs in a cloud of silvery bubbles. When my feet hit the tiles, I pushed up, swimming slowly, lungs burning, until my head broke the surface. Again I only stayed on the surface for a few moments before going under again, sinking to the bottom once more. Down, up, down again - I lost count of how many times I surfaced and submerged, but the fears stayed even when I was underwater, and I wanted to scream in frustration as I came up for air once more. Mum had, all unknowing, managed to breach the one sanctuary I'd achieved for myself, and I cursed her in every way I knew how.
Finally, fed up and going nowhere, I hauled myself out of the pool, only to almost tumble back in when I saw Jerome standing there. "Shit!" I said, shaking. "You scared the crap out of me."
Jerome had the good grace to look embarrassed. "We didn't see you anywhere," he said, "so we figured you'd come here to unwind." He handed me a towel, and I took it gratefully, stripping off completely and drying myself from head to toe. Jerome had the good manners to turn his back, and once I put the towel in his hand, I quickly dressed, going commando due to the wet state of my jocks. "All clear," I said, and Jerome turned back. "Thanks for that. I guess you heard the news, then?"
"Oh yes," Jerome said, shaking his head in disbelief. "Your mum's cracked in the head, mate. I'll tell you fair and square right now - she made that appeal to get under your skin, and whatever response you make to her is going to encourage her to sink to greater lows, even if it's a negative one."
"I hadn't thought of that," I admitted. "Fuck. Now what?"
"Get ready for more harassment," Jerome said bluntly, putting a hand on my shoulder. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your mum's gonna find new and creative ways to get even deeper under your skin, and even if you told her to fuck off in the most brutal way possible, she'd still come at you, hammer and tongs."
"Fuck," I said again. Jerome was right, and I cursed myself for falling into Mum's trap. "Is there anything I can do to get her off my back permanently? Barring the first and final option that springs to mind, which I'm not going to take."
"You're gonna have to sue her for emotional distress," Jerome said. "Again, sorry to be the bearer of bad news. But it's either that or you let her walk all over you again until you can't find peace anywhere. I've been there; it's not fuckin' pretty, and if I'd had the good then that I have now, I'd have sued the shit out of the wankers who thought it'd be a great laff to jerk me around on a chain until I wanted to strangle them and myself with it."
I groaned. "I didn't want it to come to this," I said. "I've been trying to avoid thinking about that angle."
"Stop playing the nice guy and nail her to the wall," Jerome advised. "Trust me; you'll feel like an enormous weight's been taken off your shoulders. If your mum's got the good sense she was given at birth, she'll realise you mean to lay her out for all the pain she's caused you, and she'll back the fuck off quick smart."
"I hope so," I said fervently.
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