What exactly do I want to do? Gabriel hasn't showed up yet and I had all the time in the world to do whatever I want. Well, not everything, we do have rules. I decided to go to my husband's grave, he died before me three years ago due to a car accident. I wonder how he's doing or where his soul might be. Is he doing missions same as me? But he died a long time ago, so probably he might be on the other side or who knows.
The afternoon in the cemetery was quite, what more could you expect anyway. Flowers wilting on the tombstones, others covered in moss and vine. I guess the other families don't visit that much often or they may be celebrating in heaven together and no other relative were left on earth. Babies who were born and died in the same year were here too. Do they continue to grow or remain the same when their souls are up there?
When I arrived, I saw no one but a tree, a gate and of course Gabriel. There were a lot of questions on my mind and answers are either non existent or the question is invalid.
While walking, I savoured the feeling of the grass on my feet. This place might be lonely and scary to others but for me, I find peace in the silence it brings.
Brody Mitchell (1952-2011)
Whispering his name made my insides churn with sadness. How I loved Brody even though the beginning of our relationship was not full of love and happiness. He was in one of my classes during college, I was studying law that time. I never really noticed him at first but what caught my attention was that someone kept leaving flowers either on my desk or my locker. I never knew who it was until I caught him on the act at one time. He wanted to date me but I was so pressured and focused on my studies that I rejected him straight on.
Moving forward my last year in studying law, after the ceremony, he approached me with a huge bouquet of varieties of flowers and tried to ask me out again. For the second time around I rejected him because of my reason to focus on my career and to help my family and to build something of myself. He was not happy considering that I rejected him twice.
Three years after that I had my own firm and clients, I was still single until he popped into my office one day. He asked me out again. My curiosity to why he was so persistent got the best of me so that's why I agreed. At first he was a real gentleman but after seven months, something in him changed and during that time I had a feeling I was pregnant, a really bad timing. When he knew that I was indeed pregnant, he snapped and hit me hard. I could still remember the sting of his slap. I cried hard wondering what was wrong with him and why he was acting this way. Little did I know, both of his parents got in a really bad accident, his dad was critical but her mom didn't make it when they arrived at the hospital.
Brody never opened up about it to me so I had no idea what was going on until that. He was so broken he lost himself in a void that the only way to help him was to be there and help him get back to his knees. He only slapped me once never did it again but he was very distant. I was worried that he may be cheating on me with other women but he never did. He was either drunk or would go outside and punch the trees until his fists bleeds.
I felt so bad for his loss, but I too had other things to worry, my work, my relationship with him and our little growing angel. It was one hell of a ride but still, we managed. Looking back,I guess I could say that Brody really was the love of my life. Through the toughest and easiest times of our lives we were a team and I never admired a man anymore than him.
I sat on the ground removing the vines and twigs on his tombstone caressing his name.
Hi Brody my dear, I hope you are doing okay in heaven but then again who wouldn't be right? I chuckled to myself.
I miss you so so much, I wish I could see you soon but I have to do some tasks to be able to go inside the gate. Are you there? I very much look forward in seeing you. If you could, maybe visit me in my dreams? But then again I don't dream so I guess both of us just have to wait. If you still want to see me that is.
My heart clenched painfully at the last line. What if he doesn't want to see me? How will I ever deal with it? On the other hand why wouldn't he? Could heaven have the possibility to change the ways of a single soul? That place is gloriously mysterious. I'm already dead but not a single idea on what it's got and how it works.
I kissed Brody's tombstone and walked onwards. From afar, there was a family, celebrating maybe. An elderly woman on a wheelchair and a little girl about the age of ten fed her. Oh, it looks so sweet and innocent, it's like an illustration of the cycle of life. Her grandmother might go very soon and the little girl would grow up and experience life in her own way until she reaches the same age.
Heaven is just as mysterious as the creation of the world. It holds a lot of questions, doubts, unexplainable happenings or events. Living on earth was such a great experience, it felt like you were given a trial card but also it has huge ups and downs. Not a lot of people were lucky and experienced abuse, discrimination, being bullied and so on. Not everyone is born the same way and that's one of the factors that makes us unique.
I looked to my left and there was a girl kneeling in the grass. Her face was down and she was holding some flowers. I guess she's praying? But I noticed droplets coming out from her face. I walked closer and that's when I saw blood dripping on her arm. Oh god no, she's. . .
"I'm so sorry I couldn't save you on that day. It was my fault you drowned, I saw a sign that we shouldn't have gone to that lake but I ignored it and insisted that we would be all right. Look at it now, you're gone. My life fell apart the moment we found out you were dead. It should have been me!"
The girl sobbed quietly slashing her upper arm. Oh my dearest please stop what you're doing. I closed my eyes, Gabriel if you can hear me, please, help this poor girl who's harming her body. Instantly, Gabriel was by my side. Seeing the bright light, I blinked and looked down.
"You called for me?" he asked looking at the girl "How can I help you?"
"Is there a way we could help her? She's self harming and is distressed, that's one suicidal sign. It shouldn't be ignored"
"Helping her would mean interfering with the living and sadly as much as we want, we can't. It's the physical world and she should be able to find a way herself. It's one of the trials and even though you can't see it, darkness is surrounding her"
"So, just let her be? Is that what you're trying to say?" I asked with a mixture of surprise and disbelief.
"Sadly, yes. You're not the first soul to ask in these kinds of situations. Some even saw death but as I said we cannot interfere with them. That's one of the reasons why afterlife is separated from the physical one"
Man that is a lot to take in, how could I just stand there and do nothing? I was frustrated but then again, who am I to to stop the girl? I hardly know her.
"Is there anything else you wish to know?" Gabriel's voice was cool.
"I was just surprised and I panicked, that's why I called you. Sorry if I interrupted something important"
"No worries, call me anytime. I'll be off now"
Instead for trying to stop her, I stood there praying for her to get better and forgive herself for whatever happened.
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