I had been so strong for a while, so strong that it made me believe that i really am when I am not. this had been my reality for quite some time now but today, it's not just it.
i crumbled on my knees and cried, i know it sounds petty yet it cuts deep through me like a sharp knife twisting at the back of my head. it hurts, so much.
maybe i was not hurt from the fact that we're over, maybe it was because he had the audacity to cut me off completely after ruining my life, after hurting me to death and causing me so much pain and trauma without even giving me a sincere apology.
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it's been a long time, i've been silent from the things that went wrong between the both of us but each day it gets heavier and heavier, maybe it's the closure i've always wanted, or maybe because of all the questions he left unanswered that kept me up all night sometimes, when it's three am and you're clouded by that very moment everything went downhill.
was it the guilt of not being enough or was it the regret of being too much, maybe somewhere in between but regardless, i'm hurt.
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maybe that's why it's so hard to let go because i've always been yearning for those answers that would make my heart at ease, or maybe i was just longing for that one tight hug for the very last time, or that glance though it may not be as loving as it was before, i'd take my chances, maybe... maybe i was just waiting for him to come back and tell me life is not the same without you instead of making a new one which i don't exist anymore but why?
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why is it all coming back to my senses why am I being haunted right now, why am i hurting again. why do i still care?
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love is still there, but wanting him back? i guess not
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maybe it's too hard to let go because i havent done it yet, it may seem that i am no longer dwelling in the realms of our memories but deep in my heart, i still wish that this was all just a big misunderstanding, that maybe we can still be..
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after all these years, I thought I was doing it, I was doing well, I thought I have learned the art of letting go and yet, I am no where near from healing, but how? I haven't felt this much pain in a while, or maybe I just got used to it, that it never bothered me for quite some time... until now, where my wounds reopened for the dumbest reasons... I'm so confused
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