I hated my family.
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My dad is a thug, and my mom is very weak.
My brother’s personality is like my dad, and my sister is like my mom.
And for me, I feel like I don't belong here.
I am too rational, nearly lacking in empathy.
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When I was little, I looked forward to growing up and going to school, to leave this home behind.
But one day, my sister had an accident, and my dad ended up in prison.
Our family was burdened with secrets and scandals, and we had to move.
On my first day of school, people already start pointing fingers at me.
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During my school years, I did many things.
I participated in various activities, trying to make everyone like me.
Until no one dared to come to me and mock my background again.
When I graduated, I thought a bright future was within reach.
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Then, my mom died.
I returned home and comforted my sister, who had unintentionally killed our mother.
Together with my brother, we managed to deceive the Ministry of Magic investigators.
We arranged the funeral and wrote a letter to send to our father in prison.
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Then, I finally had a little time to mourn.
For my dreams, which hadn't even started yet.
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A handsome boy has arrived in our countryside.
The first time we met, he asked me for the location of a neighbor.
I led the way and asked if he had graduated. He said, "Sort of."
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From his exotic accent, I guessed he was a Durmstrang student.
Then he asked if I had graduated from Hogwarts.
I replied, "Yes." Then he asked why I was here.
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I said I needed to take care of my younger siblings, so I currently supporting myself through submission for publication, and conducting magical research in the countryside.
He showed interest in my subject, and we talked a lot.
He seemed too good to be true.
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In this remote place, I haven't had a real conversation in a long time.
Taking care of my siblings every day feels like a duty.
My submissions rarely get to be understood, and the academic journal's payments are low with fierce competition.
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Moreover, he is genuinely good-looking, like a model.
I'm just happy by looking at his face when we talk.
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He got used to visiting me every day.
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He confessed to me that he was expelled from Durmstrang.
His aunt is a renowned magical historian.
His parents thought that if she spoke highly of him to the school, he could transfer to Hogwarts.
So they told his aunt that he wanted to experience life abroad and sent him here.
By now, his aunt still thought that he only came for a summer break.
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I asked him, "So, do you want to go back to school again?"
Lying on my bed, he said, "No."
He seems directionless in life.
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Every day, we stay in the room, studying academic works published by others, and then worrying about our next subject.
He is a very intelligent person.
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Our collaborative submissions turn out better than when I do it on my own.
His words have even more magic than his appearance, and he knows how to captivate readers.
We split the payment from the publisher equally.
He didn't want to accept it at first, knowing about my poor family background.
But I said, "If you want to travel, you should really save some money."
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He always unintentionally talks about wanting to travel abroad someday.
I knew that he does have thoughts about his future.
He just lacks confidence in realizing them.
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He said he's very confused.
He opened up deeper to me, saying he feels that the whole world is illogical.
He doesn't want to work, doesn't want to play, and constantly feels restless.
He's still angry about being expelled from school.
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I noticed that I'm deeply attracted to him.
He's one year younger than me, still underage.
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And I'm not in a life situation conducive to developing stable relationships.
My younger brother hasn't graduated yet, and after school year starts in September, I won't even have time to study alone.
I will have to take on some brainless casual jobs to make a living.
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Part of me wishes this troubled youth would leave my house.
Logically speaking.
But my mouth said, "Then why don't you try to make it happen? Go change the world."
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How I hated those Muggles who bullied my sister to cripple so cruelly back then.
If my father wasn't so impulsive and foolish, there would have been many ways to deal with them without getting caught, right?
Why did he have to confess in court?
Couldn't he lie, at least for the sake of his children?
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In the darkest corner of my heart, I find myself reluctantly agreeing with this young man's thoughts.
He glanced at me, as if opening up a new game.
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He approached me to discuss the feasibility of subverting the wizarding world.
I originally wanted to focus on my research, but he always led me astray.
His ideas were too wild and fanciful, and I tried to tell him to follow a more structured approach...
Then we ended up wasting a lot of time in endless imagination.
Until it was almost time for another deadline, I realized I hadn't written anything.
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I sent him a letter, asking him to meet me outside the next day, and not to come to my house anymore.
I planned to tell him to leave my life.
I didn't have the luxury to do things without immediate benefits.
But he didn't show up.
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That night, it rained heavily.
I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night, so I got up to work on my manuscript.
Then he started throwing pebbles at my window.
I angrily opened the it, and he stood outside in the rain, looking like a pitiful little cat.
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"Come in," I knew he was pretending to make me soft.
But I still prepared to have a serious talk with him, to reason with him.
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He quietly entered my room and said, "I love you."
His eyes were burning with passion and filled with sorrow.
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My mind was thrown into disarray.
My younger siblings were all sleeping, so I cast a silencing spell.
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I said, "I won't go with you."
He asked, "Then should I stay?"
I replied, "Why don't you go back to school first?"
He said, "Only if you become my teacher."
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His eyes were so close to mine that I saw my own reflection filled with desire.
I kissed him, not wanting to argue and unable to come up with any response.
And then we couldn't stop.
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A crazy night passed, but life remained unchanged.
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I rushed him back to his aunt's house.
He told me his aunt knew about him being expelled from school and questioned why he came to her place.
He couldn't give a clear answer, only saying that he would leave soon.
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I sympathized with him, but there was no place for him in my home nighter.
He understood that.
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Afterward, he resumed helping me with my research, submitting it, and splitting the fees.
We maintained a seemingly proper relationship until my brother broke through that facade.
"Are you two getting married or what?"
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It was already mid-August, he was about to return to Hogwarts, and he wanted to know if I could take care of Ariana alone.
I could no longer spend my time doing research every day.
I had to learn to cook, live with her 24/7, and at most, find time to make some simple potions and sell them by mail.
I no longer had any reason to spend every day alone with him.
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I said, "He will leave, we just want to save more money."
Even though my heart was bleeding.
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He seemed like he was saying goodbye every day.
But the next day, he still shamelessly came back, saying he forgot something yesterday.
He endured my sarcastic brother for my sake, enduring and enduring, until one day...
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Standing in front of Ariana's grave, my mind was blank.
My whole world collapsed.
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A punch from Aberforth brought me back to reality.
He stood above me, scolding me as I lay on the ground, "It's you! You..."
The neighbours who helped us with the funeral took him away to prevent me from being beaten to death.
He left.
The love of my life, along with my sister, left me.
I am an irresponsible adult, with no parents and no home.
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In September, Aberforth still went back to school.
I stayed home alone.
The research we worked on for the last time was published and won a big award.
A magazine wanted to interview us.
I declined.
Using that prize money, I started my own journey.
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I didn't send him his share of the prize money through owl.
Instead, I quietly went to every place he mentioned wanting to visit.
I thought to myself:
If we could meet, then I would talk things through and decide with him, whether to part ways or be together.
Let fate decide if we have a chance.
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As it turned out, we didn't have one.
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I wandered alone for three years, conducting research, submitting articles, and using these earnings to support my travels.
Until my former Transfiguration professor sent a letter, asking if I was interested in interviewing for his position as he was retiring.
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It reminded me that Aberforth should be graduating this year, and if I went back to school to teach next year, we wouldn't cross paths.
So I replied with an affirmative answer.
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Three years passed, and he didn't send me a single owl.
While my published articles became more and more well-known, he disappeared without a trace.
Where is he now? What is he doing? Who is he with?
Perhaps he is afraid that we will accuse him of murder?
Does he really have such little trust in me?
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After serving as a professor for a few years, I learned that he had indeed gone to subvert the wizarding world.
At first, when I saw the news about him, I chuckled and thought 'It better works'.
Later, officials from the Ministry of Magic approached me, asking if I had any intelligence to provide.
Then I realized that his "enterprise" had truly become a reality.
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The underground organization we jokingly designed together had become a tangible force, and the bureaucratic wizarding ministries, deeply entrenched in their ways, were easily overwhelmed and ineffective against it.
Part of me admired him, but at the same time, I found him truly terrifying.
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Has this cold-blooded killer wholly forgotten about me?
Where did he keep all the letters I once wrote to him?
If someone else were to see them, would they consider me an accomplice?
I didn't provide any information to the Ministry of Magic, and truthfully, I had no knowledge of his actions.
But the Ministry already had nothing better to do than to monitor me instead.
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Being under constant surveillance was irritating and tiresome.
I sent Newt to sabotage his plans, hoping it would make him stop.
I'm no longer as naive as before.
"For the greater good?"
When it's not your loved ones who die, of course, you can be that ruthless.
I really want to see him again, talk to him, and clear his head.
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Then things took a turn involving Aberforth again,
He used my nephew, whom I didn't even know existed.
And he killed Newt's good friend, Leta.
The deep enmity he built with the entire world was gradually extending to involve people around us.
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On the day I had to step forward and duel him, I finally saw his weathered face up close.
I wondered, if I hadn't spoken those heartless words back then, would our fate have been different?
Would he truly kill me?
Maybe he was just using me from the start?
Does he still love me?
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The last question has consumed my entire heart.
When he was absent, I could pretend he didn't exist.
But when I saw him,
It was as if I was back at Ariana's grave.
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Lonely, helpless, and in pain.
Why don't you love me? Is it so wrong to marry me?
Love me and stay with me steadily, don't abandon me like my parents did!
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I wanted to hit him so badly,
But once I approached, he surrendered.
I couldn't control my step and fell on him,
And he held me tightly in his arms.
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He still loves me.
But everything is too late now.
He has to go to prison and take responsibility for what he has done.
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I thought it was better this way,
At least whenever I want to see him, he will always be there.
Safely, staying in the place where I can reach him.
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Like a beautiful yet ferocious canary,
exclusively mine.
ns 15.158.61.4da2
