“Get down!”
“Don’t touch that!”
“Get back over here!”
“Don’t wander off like that!”
“Cassie! Cassie, are you listening? Are you listening? OI CASSIE!”
Cassie jumped, looking up at Thorn, “What now?”
“Food’s ready.”
“Oh….”
“I’m not always trying to get your attention because you’re placing us in mortal peril, you know.” Thorn handed her a large drumstick like part of a strange purple bird Cassie accidentally stepped on. Apparently, it was edible so her blunder wasn’t that bad…that time at least. Cassie, however, liked to think that she always looked at the bright side of life and even if that bright side was the size of a pin at least a mile away, she could at least determine it’s direction.
“That’s good!” She took a bite out of the meat and grimaced, “This, however, is not.”
“Purple fowl isn’t good, but it’s a good way to sustain yourself.”
Cassie chewed the bite thoughtfully and then swallowed, “I’d say it’s an acquired taste. If I had some garlic, I could find a way to make this work.”
“—it must be a joy to live in your head.”
“Well I don’t mean to brag.” Cassie flipped her hair over her shoulder, “But yeah, it really is.”
Thorn rolled his good eye. She found that the other eye didn’t always stay in sync with it. That eye went in several directions, and she suspected that he saw a lot more and far better with it. The line that separated the human from the beastly side was a jagged and uneven one, resulting in the entirety of his nose being beastly, and the entirety of his mouth being human aside from a small corner of it. It was all very fascinating.
“What are you, exactly?”
“What?”
“I’ve never seen anything like that.” Cassie gestured towards his entire body, “Before.”
“What are you, then?”
“Uhm, human, last I checked.” Cassie was seized with a sudden fear, “Wait I didn’t grow cat ears or anything, did I?” She grasped her head and found that her ears were still safely on the sides of her head, “Oh—good—wait you’re trying to distract me!”
Thorn had a rather smug smile on his face, “Partially worked.”
“Rude! Rude! You’re very rude!”
“And asking what I am isn’t?”
“No—well I didn’t think so anyway.”
“I’m human too.”
“Really?” Cassie had her doubts about that, “Do humans here look that way a lot?”
“No. Glad you kept an open mind there, though.”
“Hmmm. Maybe you have a skin condition—“
“Look, I’d really like to stop talking about this. Eat your damn bird.”
“I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“You didn’t.”
“Then why are you upset?”
“I’m not upset.”
“You’re shouting.” Cassie replied matter-of-factly.
“I’m NOT—“ Thorn took a deep and steady breath as he tried to regain his sanity, “I’m not shouting. I’m not upset—you’re just being a bit annoying at the moment.”
“I’m sorry.” Cassie no longer felt hungry, “That was a little uncalled for. I have this habit of just saying what I’m thinking right as I’m thinking it and it’s gotten me in loads of trouble in the past and I don’t think it’s going to stop now.”
“Uggh. I’m going to sleep now.”
For the first time in two days, Cassie woke up without Thorn in the immediate vicinity. She blinked, staring up at the forest canopy for a moment before rolling to the side, and she found that he was not on the other side of the fire. Panic surged through her system as she sat straight up, looking around, sighing in relief when she saw his form in the distance.
“What’re you doing?”
“Taking a piss, thanks for asking.” He turned around, lacing up his pants once more.
“Good morning to you too.” Cassie grumbled, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes as she stood up, “So what are we gonna do today, Brainy?”
“What?”
“Sorry, cartoon reference.”
“What?”
“Cartoon—oh God, am I in a world without cartoons? Get me out, I wanna go home NOW!”
“Look, we’re working on that, princess.”
“Not a princess.”
“Then stop acting like one.”
“I’ve never actually met a princess.” Cassie stretched overhead. “Are they nice?”
“They aren’t particularly—“ Thorn jumped as a spear landed where he stood only a moment ago.
“Release her, oh great demonic entity or I shall make your existence a hellish and short one!”
The owner of the voice rode in on a very white horse—Cassie noted the incredibly muddy feet—and wore armor that shined so much, it was like trying to look at a yellow paper for important information. She blinked a couple of times, trying to get used to the sight but ended up having to avert her eyes slightly so she didn’t have to squint.
“Look I didn’t kidnap anyone—“ Thorn raised his good hand in what seemed like a calming gesture.
“I’ll not listen to your lies, monster!”
Cassie decided to cut in at that moment “Uhm, aren’t you being a tad bit dramatic? I’m not being held against my will—“
“Mind control then!”
“No—just normal free will stuff—“
“Never mind that, you’re safe now, my fair lady.”
Cassie looked desperately at Thorn and mouthed, “What is going on?”
“I don’t know.” He mouthed back.
“Fair lady—!”
“Thorn, he scares me.” Cassie hugged herself as if to prevent Adonis’s strange words from reaching her. “Make him stop.”
Thorn cleared his throat. “We’re trying to reach Jaybride, and I’ll have you know that’s a fair distance and we’re a bit short on time—“
“Let me try something.” Cassie held her hand up.
“God help us.” Thorn tossed his hands in the air before sighing, “Fine. Whatever. If you make this worse—“
Cassie cleared her throat, “So tell me, good knight, what brings you to these parts?”
“I was here to slay the dragon that resides in that mountain.” He pointed at the cliff side from which she and Thorn came. “I only found a sorcerer.”
Cassie bit her lip, trying to think of something, “Is that something of an occupation then, dragon slaying? Or is it more of a hobby?”
“I go about the lands and slay any creature that eats humans.”
“Then why on earth would you want to kill Thorn here? He doesn’t eat human, do you Thorn?” She tried to ignore the slightly sheepish look that he sent her. “He’s my friend.”
“My lady, do you make it a habit of befriending monsters?”
“Thorn’s actually my first friend here. He’s quite lovely once you get to know him.” Cassie smiled, swaying back and forth with her hands behind her back, “And I’d rather like a second friend. What’s your name?”
He took off his helm, revealing long shining blond hair. “Adonis. Sir Adonis, at your service.”
Cassie snorted. She couldn’t help it. She tried not to but it just wrinkled up her face in a fashion that made her want to sneeze instead, “Oh uhm—that’s a lovely name, good sir.”
Adonis dismounted gracefully, sweeping into a bow, “And what might your name be, my lady?”
“Cass—“ Cassie thought about adding the “ie” at the end before she remembered that she could play along to his little delusion, “Andra.”
“Cassandra! What a lovely name! Tell me, darling Cassandra, do you believe in love at first sight?” He looked her over again, “Or proper feminine clothing?”
“No, and no.”
Thorn tsked, “We’re wasting time—“
“Shut up, monster.”
“Shaddup monster!” Thorn spoke under his breath, “Sure, take the little girl back home, that’d be easy—gotta have a conscience after all—damn it.”
“Be nice. He’s my monster.”
“Your monster? Like your servant?”
Thorn gagged. He inched behind Adonis where the idiot knight couldn’t see as Cassie smiled broadly. She could tell he really didn’t like the idea. “Why yes! How clever of you to have figured it out! He’s a servant of my family, you see—“ Thorn was mimicking slicing his throat or clawing her with his bad arm “—and my mother told me that a woman shouldn’t travel alone, and I desired speed so I decided that he would do for an escort, but there was a problem with our horses and—“
“That is enough explanation for me, fair lady.”
“It is?”
It is?” Thorn echoed.
“It is!” Adonis replied, “I have an excellent solution for you! I shall escort you to Jaybride myself.”
“That sounds like a great idea!” Thorn replied enthusiastically. “I’ll just go this way. It was great meeting you, Cassie, have a nice life, the bloke with the shiny stuff will treat you well enough and—“
Cassie frowned, “How about we just steal your horse?”
“We’re not going to steal his horse, Cass.”
“Why not?”
“He’s got a sword.”
“You’re a good seven inches taller and got talons.”
“They’re claws.’
“We’ll debate that later.”
“Fair ladies do not steal horses.” Adonis chuckled, “Knights in shining armor give their horses to a lady’s cause willingly.”
Thorn shuffled closer to her. “He’s something.”
“He seems nice.”
“He’s a moron.”
“A nice moron. He offered his horse to me.” Cassie hissed, straightening up, “Well it was nice meeting you, Sir Adonis.”
“Do you need additional accompaniment?”
“I thought you had a dragon to slay.” Thorn interrupted flatly.
“I already slayed a sorcerer. That’s enough for the week, I’ll say.”
“Brilliant!”
“So that’s why we were able to escape.”
“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth!”
“Don’t say that!”
“My steed’s mouth is perfectly healthy, I’ll have you know.”
“I’m sure it is.” Thorn replied flatly.
“This is awesome! It’s like I’m off to see the wizard! Only I don’t have the magic shoes.”
“I know where you could get some of those.” Adonis grinned broadly, waiting to be praised like a large golden retriever.
“We’re not listening to the idiot knight.”
“I wasn’t about to suggest that.”
A moment passed.
Another moment passed.
Just when it seemed like nothing else would happen or be said, Adonis blinked.
“I’m not an idiot!”
“Of course not, sweetie.” Cassie patted him on the head.
ns 15.158.61.42da2
