一家人合照、用過的筷子碗碟、她最愛多啦A夢公仔⋯⋯ 有關阿媽貼身用品及心頭好，均一一齊全，幾乎沒有遺漏。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHdo9WwAN7
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJKrQEHRyCm
物品可以循環再造，生命卻無起死回生。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPlMtMrW8hf
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs6ZQTSimzC
兩年來，我依然不曾發現，甚至誤認為他無情，為其加施出軌「罪行」。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsXevbVym0O
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsLFPGjkl2a
也許，真正無情的，是我。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvb0FYriBPg
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPmhGPT0G5l
「除咗你之外，無人可以幫佢。」她拿起其中一隻多啦A夢公仔，輕力拍去塵埃，再小心放回原位。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpqiLAS4vFu
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4dYWOJvaD
此話一出，有種無形壓力壓在雙肩，恐懼自己無法勝任：「點解得我一個？」 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIMgxb6xXZF
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRf5kd8hvUY
阿媽沒作解釋，而是隨手拿起其中一幀家庭照，放到我眼前。 那是阿媽測出癌症前，我們一家三口，最後一次到日本旅行。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPt5IThlNkH
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy2WubcYec2
照片中，我擺出一個冷漠微笑表情，他們兩人則圍住我，於富士山山尾拍照。 昔日畫面，頓時湧上心頭。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQJTyhHob5X
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf0wDf17RSF
那時，沒有知曉未來能力的我，還傻更更哼着《富士山下》，裝作睿智問道，應為「要擁有，必先等失去怎接受。」抑是「要擁有必先等失去，怎接受。」 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb7sCuu3RZH
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBZYqwXJgi
我想，無論是前者或後者，結果同樣沒法接受。 有時候，我會羨慕別人，自己不過是二十多歲，竟已失去母親，被迫面對死亡。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmd8XSTG785
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSWCSTbTyWY
喪禮當日，不少親戚長輩，均輕拍我肩膊，要我好好孝順阿爸，表示未來就靠我支撐。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOOBTCmfHu
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8gRKcK10h
每下輕拍，都如巨石般重壓，有種無形壓力，要我一下子負起所有責任。我只能點頭苦笑，敷衍他們說話。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fkvve9YzV
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdGhq311wnS
若果自己再年長點，會否有足夠成熟及智慧，能夠承受這一切。 仔細再想，無論何時發生，年輕或年老，均無法淡然接受，豁達面對。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRkmIeyuzS
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzGgShEeZ4J
可我竟認為，阿爸年紀大，能成熟應對，懂走出傷痛，輕視他痛苦。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywSuWRoPfq
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN1tSnFBq0t
他會否與我一樣，渴望有人關心，而非獨自承受？ 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkru5WtNnw
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyGVBazMwG
「呢段時間，佢將所有心機放喺我哋身上，最能夠相信嘅人，就喺曬相入面。」 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRqy1MhYUR5
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXn9jklbC4c
「但阿爸會信得過我？」畢竟從那天開始，他就決心隱瞞事實，不讓所有人知道，打算獨自承受一切。 時隔兩年才示好，就連如何開口，我都無從入手。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6gzlJNfOoY
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDRyfOlCkt4
「呢張相，你話呢度好睇，佢先Set腳架影，我話另一邊清啲，佢就點都聽唔入耳。咁你話佢信你定信我多啲？」她反問。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyf4fceUNjl
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfxvdKSVQ7C
我沉默不語，內心卻冒出答案。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡONo8Mw2y22
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxtKCsPTK4P
「佢一直信你，只係你唔信佢。」阿媽直接了當說，我下意識立即反駁，卻無法自圓其說。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡio7HvfMlpx
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDmcsWYbpj0
「年紀差太遠，呢啲叫代溝。」我推搪着。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6z41nF2mn5
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9f9Edb1WfY
「車，又唔見我哋代溝。」 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsTjR8xIDD
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Eh9sK7vC0
「都有㗎，但你明我講咩。」 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ40kZ9wiDwP
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCstfdnl5bZ
「你都無同佢講嘢。」80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0BktQH27b
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP4wsnqjvU0
「一講咪嘈交。」 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQkw1DYL75J
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT5UGGt2wKQ
「你唔講佢點明。」 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ707L50kolu
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡns3JPUzY4s
「佢聽得入耳先得㗎。」80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRR8hPcAYpq
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI8GuWwH4Yr
「你未試就知佢聽唔入耳？」 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRljyHCzZr0
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaOnJqkilxT
「我試過，但⋯⋯」我欲言又止。80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCN3JyaBqhk
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHJojsMnviQ
「試吓原諒佢？」阿媽的三寸不爛之舌，出口快狠準，簡短卻精準，令我啞口無言，不得不屈服。80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ69AFxYd8fe
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2sehy91n11
儘管每次落敗，我依舊懷念鬥嘴時光，好比沉默不語。阿媽回來，頓覺整間屋充滿活力，非死氣沉沉，沉靜無聊。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaFrjQXncd3
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhfUg2zPidD
不知何時開始，我害怕面對阿爸，連說一句晚安，都經多番掙扎，每次說到嘴邊，便打消念頭，直接上床訓覺。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe6lnYXYcTP
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHiV5jVTwmd
漸漸地，彼此不再交流對話，同坐餐桌，各有修行，卻曉有默契，互不搭嘴。 若他與阿媽說話，我則專注食飯，他安靜下來，就由我與阿媽閒聊。80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbfrxqCXn7W
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIRQV964nCs
彼此傾訴對象，就只有阿媽一個。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fm9ozwLGK
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAOzOGxcnSp
這兩年來，大家對答次數，應該也有百多句，如果「哦」及「嗯」這些答覆也包括在內。80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBBZjvOCA42
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1WhLYQ52Wa
但真正交流，可謂少之又少。 對上一次直視他、講出心底話，要追溯到四年前爭執。80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDUT3fUatfO
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtxsZcUL80I
那時候，阿媽為勸交，竟勸得流眼淚，可阿爸並無動容，無情說出一句話，令我感心寒可怕，自此對他心死。80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBS6XNyRMcx
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvUEuFbZVO
「你走咗唔好再翻嚟。」 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjnDYewx1T
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVUBIAJdfjE
他說得字字鏗鏘，像是我踏出家門半步，就馬上斷絕關係。80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0E4eqtfoyX
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUol92lMw5m
原來，於價值觀面前，關係也不過脆弱如紙。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaZ4E5aSlCv
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxGbRtKQbpk
我只不過，希望他能理解我想法，而非站在電視前，隔住螢幕指手劃腳，喝罵批評我們的不是。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6xpa6Cn9K
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtUMWVxu95h
我怕，他變成我最討厭一群人，我更怕，我就是他所指的混蛋。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwNPStdYT52
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2TEPqQFpYh
當雙方處於對立立場，彼此都渴望對方歸邊，誤以為激辯一番，世界就會變好，我們就能和好。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡykQORxKVs3
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu3fwmnMGCp
但最終，我仍淪為，他口中的混蛋；他終成為，我內心最討厭的人。 也許，我們都有錯，錯在想拗贏對方，錯在想得到對方認同。 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡho9C5VC4uo
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwSNKLUoUQJ
如今，彼此不再交流半句，這結果，又如他所願、如我所想嗎？ 80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQIblpSfvP
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Qh7Zkzh58
我不知道。80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsuosMGWBbx
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJ8A7A4JaS
我只知道，他能輕易說出那句話，輕視我倆相處回憶，輕鬆捨棄彼此關係。80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd7rN9M2gOS
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOsZJD9UCQZ
80Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9fAtbhvc3j
Penana
search
Loginarrow_drop_down
Registerarrow_drop_down
