i'm lost in the woods. it is long since i heard another voice or saw another face. being in the night means no flashlight. being in the night, living in the night means no seeing. living in the night means no speaking. i am afraid now to move, i am afraid now to walk around. i hold the fear of falling down a cavern or rabbit hole, breaking my leg and never leaving here. i want to get back to tidy society. this is all very wrong for me. i had too much to take, and now here are the consequences. there is sound all around me. the night lives everywhere around me. but there are no stars in the sky. and the moon must be masked by clouds or at some other place in the orbit. there is no light here and there is only the night. and i am all alone. and no one will come, no, no one will come. i only remember partially how i came to be here. there was a house party. there were no friends to watch my drinking. there were no friends to mind my taking. i remember people like they were images, stood away from me, more visual without the sensation of touch. no one but the scumbags would touch me. or the dead insides or the high outofminds. only the ones who had nothing to lose or gain would interact with one like myself. there was music, loud music and bright smashing lights, breaking up my vision. making my head ache. the world all swirling. vomit surging in the back of my throat. and now here. in nature. and utter night. i think i began running out of the house shouting about how i was 'going camping'. no one really wanted to stop me. no one felt the need to follow after me. so i am camping. nothing else to call it.
time passes. time has left. i dozed off in the wet grass and woke up to find that the sky has some colour to it now. it is a pastel something. there are clouds in places. i am shivering from the cold now. i am freezing from the cold now. i will walk now. but i no longer care about falling in a cavern or rabbit hole. i don't want to go back to the world. i never want to return. i also don't wish to stay in this world. i have no wishes, i have no needs. i have no wants, i have no desires, i have no need, i have no interest, i have no soul. this is always the way it is following a hangover awakenup. gone is the high, left is the crippling none in its place. i am walking. i walk. this is all there is. i realise i am climbing as i walk now, i am walking upwards some hill. i slip many times and bloody my knee on the rocks and bloody my ankles on the brambles. i reach the crest and look out and see that the housing estate is less than a 5 minute walk onwards. my whole plight, trials and tribulations seems much smaller when now i see the society in sight. i walk back. and there are no caverns or rabbit holes to break my leg in.
ns 15.158.61.17da2
