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I'm truly sorry for not being the daughter you hoped I would be, and I’m sorry if I’ve let you down. I forgive you for the times you hurt me, even if it still affects me. I know you're doing your best in life too, and I try to remember that.
Sometimes, I wonder why our relationship has changed so much. Is it because I’m 14 now? Maybe you’re just seeing me differently now because i am more adult in your eyes. I know I’m not perfect; I have my flaws, and sometimes I want things for myself, which makes me feel selfish and like a disappointment. I wish you could understand how much pain I feel inside. I wish you could feel the sadness that I carry alone, especially as the oldest silbling. I don’t talk about my feelings much, so I end up staying quiet most of the time. Sometimes, my sadness builds up and turns into anger. I never meant to yell at you or act like the “spoiled child” you think I am. I just want to be heard. To be seen.
I try hard to be a good big sister, but it’s exhausting. I’m always expected to be responsible and get blamed when my younger siblings mess up. I need my own life too. I miss my childhood—when everything was simple, colorful, and safe. Now, everything feels gray and heavy, and it seems like I’m just studying and doing things for a future that doesn’t even feel like mine.
They say, “If you don’t study, you’ll never get a good job.” But what if I don’t want a good job? What if I just want to follow my dreams and find what makes me truly happy? I don’t care about being rich; I want to experience love, to feel like I matter. Money can’t buy that.
I wish you could see that beneath all my mistakes and struggles, there’s just someone who wants to be understood and accepted for who they are.
ns 18.68.41.175da2
