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A boy was different from the other kids in his class, who were all outgoing by simply being an introvert who preferred to be alone. The boy who was born into a broken family. As a child, he often asked himself who he was and what good he was to others. Even as a child, his developed mind found peace only through books and games, a never-ending heartache within him.
Jaden, during his elementary years, participated in every activity he could—boys' scouts, extracurriculars, or anything that came his way. He did this to escape the chaos of home.. He didn't have many friends; still, the prizes he won were like badges of validation, little pieces of honor in his otherwise blank world. His graduation from the institution of learning with numerous honors led to the assumption that he was on the correct path. At the time of his departure, he felt like his mind was wandering further away than ever before.
He aspired to attend the medtech programme, a dream that appeared to have a point. But his grandfather, who is characterized by a matter-of-fact and carried the extra load of their short of funds, did not admit the idea. "Become a teacher," he urged, "so you can utilize all the knowledge that you get." Jaden went through this path very reluctantly, as he started up his major in English, still, the spark inside him faded away. He was not contented. Jaden was sure that it was the right step, yet it was not his real calling.
Going to college was very hard. He was able to pay for his tuition via a scholarship, but for him it was a continual struggle. The pandemic came, and Jaden, a natural introvert, had to stay in his room where he played different online games like Mobile Legends, Dragon Raja, Undawn, and Roblox. He kept watching different movies until it was a hit-and-miss undertakings in time and life. The outer lives broke him down with them, and so Jaden's spirit also died. All around him, life seemed to be an empty black hole.
At the beginning of his third year of college, his life took another unbearable turn. His family members got sick with COVID-19, and his previously strong grandmother also fell very sick. Jaden, who was worn-out and emotionally exhausted, spent some sleepless nights while his uncle, a nurse, was taking care of his grandmother. The fear of losing her was too heavy for him and he could not get the feeling that the end was near out of his head.
He watched his uncle crying and that proved to him that his grandmother's inevitable loss would come. Unfortunately, life had its own plan-Jaden's grandpa, the unspoken core of the family, died due to health complications. They didn't tell his grandmother to save her from the grief.
Still, Jaden managed to lay hands on his grandfather's decisive speech essentially mouthing that while they were still conversing, they had the words, "Don’t be grumpy or pout all the time. Eat on time and take care of yourself. Pass your board exam. If you want to study for a master’s degree, just focus on your studies. If you want to take the course you like, do it. Just remember to save money." These words were the exact words Jaden's grandfather said to him, and for him, it was a clear sign of his grandfather's strong belief in his capacity; even in his confusion, he was absolutely sure Jaden could do anything.
Jaden's mind was crowded with various feelings like sorrow, guilt, and despair, and hopelessness was getting stronger and stronger in him. The pressure in the form of school and parents completely broke him, and he thought of dropping out of school. But he still held on. Jaden spent his time at his internship now and then and looked to learn more among high school students. With all the difficulties, he found himself at peace in the classroom which was the reason that he was always in tears. He didn't want to be a teacher, but he was given the right to be one and this was enough even if he didn't really know who he was.
A teacher board examination has been passed by Jaden, although he felt rather empty despite his accomplishment. A road was in front of him, still a labyrinth with no particular direction. He had been through so many struggles, but still seeking answers to such questions always knocked his mind. Was he really himself or the one who was made to be? Remained the answers like trying to catch the shadow in the dark.
Then came an unexpected turn in his journey. It was not a blazing, all-of-a-sudden realization or a brained science fair. It was just a missing link, actually. Jaden has experienced his be a pen of a medtech student. Greg was not just a name; he was a soul who, like Jaden, was attempting to discover the truth about life, trying to figure out where he belonged. Greg was HIV motivator DOH accredited but his heart was filled with something that Jaden had never really known: fighting love, the kind that filled every gap.
Greg was not a mere friend of Jaden who he knew from only the platform but a person who helped him to see his way in the unending dimness of his life. The time they had been living together had brought them closer and stronger in many ways. They sat up late into the nights and took the discussions to a different level, from dreams to their personal challenges and everything in between. Greg's tone was the only one that was not lost in the midst of Jaden's lack of self-confidence. Greg's talk was unique, it was real, and it was a novelty for Jaden for the first time and for a long time, he had the feeling that he was alive, that he mattered.
Greg laughed with the letters appearing on Jaden's screen. "You're doing it because it's something to hold on to, something to build on. You don't have to know everything all at once. Take it one step at a time." A warm sensation spread in Jaden's chest, and with it a glimmer of hope, faint but alive. Greg's might just be the solution after all. He was engulfed in so much fear, so much doubt, but it was the possibility that maybe his journey wasn't all about getting everything done instantly. It was okay to take steps, and although the steps might initially seem inadequate, they were the correct steps.
The past years were filled with a variety of events in his life. He was ashamed of his attempts to express himself through pageants, to be a writer, but the butt of a lot of jokes, and the recipient of a lot of bullying. His mind was often in dark places under pressure of it all, yet he had a purpose to exist. Despite the loneliness that often besieged him, Jaden never gave up. At the same time, he was unable to find the solution, but still he didn't give up the finding, the struggle, the belief, because some days you are still living, and that's enough.
Thus, Jaden is still plodding on, as he keeps up his journey, which is really a constant pass through the air before he finds the self that has always eluded him. With each step, the questions increase, multiplied by the silence between the thoughts, which makes them earsplitting. Who am I? Where do I belong? Every solution he manages to figure out kind of just goes through his fingers, a similarity to the sand in a storm. Nevertheless, he is still pressing on for in a corner of his heart he knows that traveling is what he had known in life.
The prospect ahead is still hazy and even if there are occasionally little bubbles of joy, they are often overshadowed by the burden of the unknown. His heart is heavy, and he feels a constant void, yearning for fulfillment, maybe it is a person or some other thing that can make him feel complete. And as he roams through silence, he queries inwardly: Will he succeed in locating his better half, or will he be a mislaid that will drift through darkness not knowing his own Identity?
Unnoticed, this young man keeps moving forward, wiping his teardrops-because of the fact that it's the hardest thing to find out is if I may ever know who I am indeed.
This narrative, this voyage... it is my record. It's me. Every question, every doubt, every moment of feeling lost depicts my true being. And I keep looking, longing that one day, I'll find the solutions that I've looked for with all my might.
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