The coffee had gone cold, it hasn’t been more than an hour since he took his seat but it was that unusual cold afternoons, a long line of ash was still clinging on his cigarette, he sat upright and faced his side, the streets, oh traffic was bad, as how it is supposed to be at this time of day, he took a reluctant sip of his cold espresso,
“blech,”
He would react after every sip, cold coffee was always repulsive to him, but he bared with it, he would eventually learn to like it, as most things that he’s tried up till now, the loneliness was calming, yet it still causes memories to come back, those sweet and dear memories, he shook his head in hopes of flinging away those depressing thoughts and smoked his cigarette, finally,
He had always been alone for his life, not depending on others, always doing others share of work just because he didn’t trust their abilities, nor did he even trust his own abilities but at least he knows where he lacks, he can improve he thought, he always thought that relying on others was a pain, it always left him feeling anxious and paranoid, all those needless ‘what if’s, he was used to it, he was proud, even, of his past way of life, he thought it was being reliable,
Though he lost it now, he realized he can’t survive alone, not after he met her, he realized he liked the company, the person that would sit on that opposite chair, though it’s over now, he realized that he needed to fix himself, him and all of his impurities, maybe then she would come back, he thought, maybe then she would accept him,
As unhealthy as it seems, that way of thinking, he still finds it hard to not notice her at times, to not notice the change, the awfulness of the situation, he still finds it hard to not love her anymore, and with those depressing thoughts, more fear would arise as per usual, his untrusting nature came back, his wild imagination started to rise up again, all of those needless ‘what if’s, but at least he’s trying, he’s trying to change himself into someone better, someone worthy of being called a human,
Much like the coffee in front of him, he has to swallow all of the bitterness of life, it was what he ordered was it not? And with every gulp, he would always react,
“blech,”
ns 15.158.61.20da2
