(Yes, yes yes! No, don't do it. She'll know how bad you are. But I need help!) his thoughts whispered frantically. (I do, and I will.) He took a deep breath. Images of the blue-green-pink female dragonet again flashed through his head, stirring the veil of melancholy that seemed to be forced over his mind to cloak and distort his feelings. He shrugged it off vigorously and banished the rogue memories, opening his mouth. In a dry, scratchy voice he began.
"It started with Aurora. She was the love of my life, an Ice/RainWing hybrid who was so, so beautiful it ached to look at her. And I-" he choked up and looked at his feet. His thoughts were screaming (Stop! Fly away! Do not touch these memories!) Reluctantly, and with sheer force of will, he continued.
"We were hunting on the ice flats. I could scent a seal was near, and there was a hole in the ice. I bet her I could beat her to the hole, and if I lost I'd have to catch and give her the seal, and if I won she could make me do whatever she wanted. I ran off and she chased after me. I heard a deafening crack and a scream. Behind me I saw her fall, I saw her tumble into the sea. She wasn't ready for the shock of the freezing ocean and her RainWing side reduced her protection to cold. She- she was pulled by the tide away from the gap she'd broken in the ice. She was sinking, drowning, and I did nothing. I stood there, paralyzed, as I watched her die. It was all my... all my fault..." He sobbed, years of depression and lies flooding out of him in one horrible sob. Images flashed rapidly through his mind. She saw a proud looking IceWing crying, pure grief in his eyes, a solemn grey-blue RainWing covered in blankets huddled close to a fire as an IceWing priest delivered a funeral prayer, a young Snowdrift lying curled up on his bed, half-frozen tears on his face as he looked at a carving of Aurora.
"I was destroyed for months and months after that. I lay in bed, not wanting to move. The guilt was so bad I couldn't eat. I would throw up whenever I even smelled seal because the memories hurt so much. My mother was so worried about me that she would watch me for hours until I slept and then she would sleep by me until I woke up. My father grew distant, having lost his son and his mate to the nightmare I was barely living. Then, just as I was ready to give up the scrap of hope I had left, my father left and didn't come back. He'd gotten lost in the mountains and died of starvation. I tried to kill myself that night." Thoughthearer gasped and clapped a hand over her mouth. Snowdrift gazed at her, sorrow in his black eyes.
"I had nothing left. I slashed my wrists with my talons and let myself bleed out. It was horrible, the lowest point of my life." He chuckled weakly, examining the scars on his arm. She hadn't noticed them before. "And that's saying a lot." He frowned. "I sat there for hours until the snow around me was stained bright red. I remember a scream, my mother carrying me to the medic, while I slumped lifelessly in her arms. I don't remember anything after that. It's just... blank. And that's what made me like this."
"I'm sorry... I didn't know what you'd been through. But you can heal! I've been through some bad things and I've come out just fine. We'll find a way to get you through this."
"But why do you want to help me?"
"Because if I have to listen to your poor brain go round and round this whole term I'll go mad."
"True." He nodded. "My own brain drives ME mad." Thoughthearer chuckled, her own painful memories of her brother coming back. But instead of a veil of pure grief like Snowdrift's lying over them, they were happy, nostalgic, with a hint of sadness that always comes with old memories. She had to find a way to fix him, for Aurora to be a happy afterthought rather than constant agony. Admittedly, it'd be hard to do with such an awful layer to it as wanting to die, but hey. If his scars could fade, so could his despair. Resolve settled over her. She could DO THIS. If any dragon could heal someone's mind, it was her. Mindreaders weren't given this gift for nothing, were they? She abruptly hugged him before turning to fly away to study in the library, she knew there were books on psychology there. "You'll be fine, just go to your cave and I'll handle it all!!!" she yelled back at the tired IceWing who waved at her, cheerful now as the tears dried in the chilly wind. And she knew he would be okay.
ns 15.158.61.8da2
