The wind was blowing in my face as I  realised the danger ahead. No snow had ever faced me in such a vigorous way. I felt enclosed in worry and fear. This is the end. I thought with no appeal this is where I finish my journey or would it be the start of my past. My mind was a whirlwind of possibilities when all of a sudden, I sat up in bed awakening from my frantic dream. 

‘It was the same dream!’ I exclaimed to myself quietly. I had been having the same one all year and it irritated me so much when  as it always ended in the same place. Was it trying to tell me something. No surely not, surely I would know if my life was a lie, this was all just some stupid thing in my head I am sure of it. Or maybe... no stop thinking like that. 

the next thing I knew it was school and I was rushing up to my friend Carla by the school gates. ‘Guess what, Monica told me that Diego is going to ask you out today!’ I rolled my eyes whilst covering up with a happy squeal as I faked a girl moment! I knew I didn’t feel anything for him but Carla has been so sad over her ex lately and this is the first thing she has been happy about. I promise this is the only reason I said yes. The only reason you have to believe me! I have no interest in those shallow boys that call themselves cool it’s just so demeaning and disrespectful but for some reason all the girls go absolutely mad about them. I will never get what goes on in their brains!

anyway let’s skip to my first date with Diego. It was fine I guess not exactly anything special but there was one good thing out of it, I got to meet his puppy! His name is simba and he is adorable! I am pretty sure I spent more time fussing I’ve simba then talking to Diego. After the date everyone was crowding round me asking how amazing it was but honestly I didn’t get it but then again I never do. I just told them it was the best night of my life and can you imagine. That got them to shut up and think for once.

oceans, they are big puddles of curiosity but we haven’t even discovered 10% of it so how are we meant to discover our curiosity about life? I always thought about how I would be a journalist when I was older whilst all the other girls where thinking about modelling and being a famous pop star. Did any of them even know what it took and the dedication... no but they didn’t care. Nothing I said changed anyone’s perspective in fact it wasn’t until the last few years when I thought it would be fun to act like them on a school trip once has my ride in popularity gone up. 

i know that I don’t seem to be the sort of girl who thinks about love but I am. Everyday I think about who I will be and who I am With. Is that stupid? Well it isn’t to me in fact I take it quite seriously it is one of the reasons I didn’t want to date Diego. I spend hours at night just staring at the wall wondering what it feels like to be in love and feel so passionately for someone that you would do anything for them. I want to feel that way and acknowledge the sensation of wanting to be near that person every minute of every day. I fear that I will never feel that and that I will never experience true torture and suffering. 

today is my last day of dating Diego I have decided and I have decided that until I figure everything out, myself is my love and my one and only. I have been so concerned about what others want and think that I forgot about true self love. Now I know what happens at the end of my dream and if you don’t! Maybe you should take some time to love yourself and figure it out! ‘Life is a gift and I dont intend on wasting it’ Jack Dawson, Titanic 1997...