x
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你的點閱進來,就是給予作者我的最基本鼓勵,我發自內心的感謝你❤540Please respect copyright.PENANAC4n2AND62G
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目前進度可以一天一篇發文,持續發到041篇(01月08號),敬請繼續愛護支持!540Please respect copyright.PENANAXwDsG58b4h
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《來去自殺勝地找個老婆:結果我找到的是世界級誇張!》
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020不能忍辱,何以負重!
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2021-11-26(本篇寫成時間)
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坐在輪椅的伊娃和我手牽手,忽然主動問我能不能讓阿炮學長握手、進行手背吻禮?
540Please respect copyright.PENANABL0vPXLXS7
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順便說要稍微為我問話、確認情況?
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我真是滿頭問號。
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因為就我的認知,伊娃是一個強盛王國的公主,大家絕對都是為她而來,不是為我這個無名小人物而來,相信伊娃一定也很清楚,只是不知道到底發什麼神經,一直跟我強調什麼駙馬爺也等於國王,開始堅持要我學習像個國王……
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拜託,就是可能真的把我宰去餵狗的國王岳父大人不幸死掉,伊娃還是可以當女王啊……歐洲的大鷹王國,不就正有一個世界知名的女王坐位了?
540Please respect copyright.PENANAZEFmQxvELD
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所以,伊娃這隻神經野丫頭想要做什麼,真的可以不必問我啊……
540Please respect copyright.PENANAFJEBtAcK7A
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停在車道中央,眾人和所有鏡頭注意的我們,伊娃忽然又拉拉我的手,吸引我的所有注意:「親愛丈夫?」
540Please respect copyright.PENANAgKH0VL51GP
540Please respect copyright.PENANARm4Yk8Vw54
我當然拋下滿臉懇求的阿炮學長,好奇轉頭看去,不知道野丫頭又想做什麼?
540Please respect copyright.PENANAFDkkmPDoj5
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伊娃以美麗萬分的笑容面向我……天啊!美!真美!她的這張臉孔真的每看一次就會怦然心動一次啊!以一國公主來說,這樣的美貌真的完全及格了!只可惜,真的可惜,竟然神經病,腦傷,全盲啊……
540Please respect copyright.PENANAmhuJNYXiYj
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我完全相信,伊娃絕對是先有神經病,開始不正常做怪,才會自己搞出後續的腦傷和被不知情的我憤怒一拳打到全盲。 簡單想想就好,像伊娃這樣的超級大美人,怎麼可能一直被其他遇到的男孩放著?早該被追去內射生小孩,還輪的到我這樣 一直無女孩要的可憐蟲 和她一起交換初夜,真槍實彈內射進去?
540Please respect copyright.PENANAFoQO2UvDBS
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伊娃再次拉拉我的手:「親愛丈夫,請你彎腰過來,這裡變安靜許多了,伊娃有話要小聲在親愛丈夫的耳邊跟你說。」
540Please respect copyright.PENANAtYRoEgRY2E
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都這樣說了,加上我沒有什麼拒絕理由和慾望,還是乖乖的彎腰俯身給伊娃了。
540Please respect copyright.PENANAhor6JZJZ3D
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心想:『要咬耳朵啊……』
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已經彎腰俯身的我,才感覺到左耳噴上伊娃的溫暖氣息,湊上來了……
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忽然!
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我的左耳被輕咬!!!!!!
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伊娃這隻神經野丫頭咬我!!!!!!
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雖然感覺不是真咬,更像是輕輕含住,再輕輕咬一下……
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還是讓我驚的趕緊抬頭,挺直上身,逃離忽然當眾咬耳的襲擊。
540Please respect copyright.PENANAyOWXvtF4ac
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一手被伊娃牽住的我,趕緊用另一手撫蓋自己的左耳,確認耳朵完整無事,再瞪向依然和我手牽手,卻忽然發神經的野丫頭……
540Please respect copyright.PENANAw9tBM15yW8
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相信所有新聞媒體和電視機前的所有人,看我這樣,應該都已經知道發生什麼事了。
540Please respect copyright.PENANAn024v1hUVS
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我在心中抱怨:『搞什麼啊,忽然當眾發神經亂咬人耳朵……』
540Please respect copyright.PENANA0q9QKiLsee
540Please respect copyright.PENANAk5jEYbOqJ0
坐在輪椅中的伊娃還是面向我,並且露出十足淘氣調皮的可愛小惡魔笑容……
540Please respect copyright.PENANAR2035olRaN
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當眾大聲說:「咬耳朵!親愛王夫的耳朵,嚐起來美味可口喲❤❤❤」
540Please respect copyright.PENANADGpsKShx05
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我還愣著,不知道要怎麼回應。
540Please respect copyright.PENANAxCuQFyUkJI
大量閃光燈爆閃!
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人們的開心笑聲……
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「伊娃公主!妳好可愛!」
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「真的美麗調皮又可愛啊!」
540Please respect copyright.PENANAYLiyVfK6aK
「請看向鏡頭這裡!跟大家揮揮手吧!」
540Please respect copyright.PENANAKAmcWdiTG2
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我不認同的開始想:『 調皮又可愛? 這隻忽然咬我耳朵讓大家開心的神經野丫頭?』
540Please respect copyright.PENANAtTxb4a103t
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伊娃卻是又搖搖我的手:「親愛丈夫,一起跟大家微笑揮手,繼續讓大家開心吧?」
540Please respect copyright.PENANAhHw3uYTPus
540Please respect copyright.PENANA5MRO9qS1bL
我也只能放下撫蓋耳朵的手,移到胸前,手心朝向所有新聞工作者,正式轉身,望向左右延伸推擠在一整排走道的新聞工作者……
540Please respect copyright.PENANAROADO4x86a
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『嗚啊……這樣的新聞人群和陣仗,好驚人啊……』
540Please respect copyright.PENANAesOmpjw9rN
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不論是雙眼,照相機,攝影機,真的全都盯著我和伊娃……
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看起來真的驚人,壓迫感十足,像是要一起把我生吞活剝啊…… 嚇人……
540Please respect copyright.PENANApKxFRRYO5I
540Please respect copyright.PENANAOoGVTyEOvu
感覺不舒服的幾乎想要轉身逃跑的我,還是只能強自鎮壓自己:『冷靜!冷靜!不過是留下來,面對大家微笑,友善揮揮手!讓身為公主的伊娃這隻野丫頭跟大家說說話而已…… 反正他們又不是找我……』
540Please respect copyright.PENANAqAX4f65z9g
540Please respect copyright.PENANATiMHZ4V0ps
伊娃出聲讚美:「很好,雖然還是歪掉。 晚點獨處,一定要給獎賞了❤❤❤」
540Please respect copyright.PENANAVIhaq4ZoMe
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我不明所以的繼續左右望向眾人,鼓起勇氣,開始友善揮動問候,只想要快點完成我的『工作』。
540Please respect copyright.PENANAJm7fs5PNEr
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閃光燈再次對著我爆閃……
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『不是我!不是我!絕對是在拍身邊輪椅的伊娃!不必慌啊!』
540Please respect copyright.PENANAxPPXmF2iBF
540Please respect copyright.PENANA2SBL4GCE5h
這時候,一位記者大聲詢問:「伊娃公主,妳的雙眼是不是看不見?才會需要坐輪椅?」
540Please respect copyright.PENANAXshx1kmfrq
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「對啊!伊娃公主妳是不是看不見?」
540Please respect copyright.PENANA8Db1FKGFev
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再有攝影師說:「數位照片一直有紅眼現象!」
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許多攝影師明顯開始檢查調看手中數位相機的數位照片。
540Please respect copyright.PENANA98H42SngEj
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「只有伊娃公主一直有紅眼啊!」
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「駙馬爺和其他人只有頭幾張有紅眼!」
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「伊娃公主真的一直有紅眼!」
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「閃光燈都已經一直閃成這樣了……」
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「表示伊娃公主沒有瞳孔對光收縮自動反應啊!不然閃光燈閃個幾次,應該就不會再出現紅眼現象了……」
540Please respect copyright.PENANAo84ti6M9XU
540Please respect copyright.PENANAs3bCsLvRuH
再有人大聲問:「伊娃公主,妳是不是有視神經問題?或者是大腦視覺神經區域有病變,才會住院?」
540Please respect copyright.PENANAlDaZFow6td
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不愧是幹記者的,能夠很快就掌握狀況!
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「伊娃公主!請不要再對駙馬爺揮手了!請看著我指著的那架聚光燈揮手!請看著那架聚光燈揮手!給我們一個明確的答案吧……」
540Please respect copyright.PENANA27186WBN4t
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我終於注意到,我身邊輪椅上的伊娃,保持安靜的甜美微笑,很明顯的一直對我揮手,而不是避開我的遮擋再跟大家揮手,看起來就是非常的不自然……
540Please respect copyright.PENANAoEo1UjAEI4
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難怪會被懷疑並且發現看不見……
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我只好開口:「伊娃,看起來妳根本是一直在對我揮手……」
540Please respect copyright.PENANAV80OUWfP6P
540Please respect copyright.PENANA5RZTrSlXIf
「果然還是不夠偏嗎……」 伊娃沒有再說話出聲,只是單純停止對我揮手,把手端莊的放在大腿上。
540Please respect copyright.PENANAQph9rL4nM6
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根本已經公開默認自己完全看不見,處在全盲狀態……
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所以整個場面,真的瞬間安靜下去……
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想必他們所有人,都很意外外表如此美貌驚人的伊娃公主,竟然全盲……
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幾秒過去,有記者再出聲:「伊---」
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540Please respect copyright.PENANAiVQMxRjx9K
前面的阿炮學長也是開始叫喊:「學弟---」
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所有記者再次騷動,就要開始發出詢問聲音……
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伊娃大聲搶過話:「各位請安靜! 各位請先給伊娃一點時間,讓伊娃好好的處理事情! 然後伊娃和駙馬爺一定會和各位說話,盡量回答各位的問題!」
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540Please respect copyright.PENANAgHAoHNrKEy
這樣公開要求,真的又完全安靜了,都等著看伊娃公主會好好的處理什麼事情?
540Please respect copyright.PENANAs2h9e3sATY
540Please respect copyright.PENANAZ4lQKpeAjo
伊娃拉拉我的手:「親愛丈夫?」
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540Please respect copyright.PENANAJiFA1Wfqrx
我當然看著她那張向著我,極為美麗、冷靜、沉著的臉蛋回應:「什麼事?」
540Please respect copyright.PENANA07gso2TUZC
540Please respect copyright.PENANAfWRew9hFeQ
伊娃應該是以剛好只有我能聽清楚的音量:「親愛丈夫一定不知道在伊娃的世界,像伊娃這樣的神武士,是所有國王和領主,都渴望得到的助手與下屬吧? 因為我們神武士,不只在戰場上足以力敵千軍萬馬,也具有許多足以徹底改變局面的異能。 因此就曾有一位征戰天下的偉大國王說過,能得神武士者,就算只有一位,也能穩坐半壁天下……只可惜想要得到神武士,必須要有光明良善之神的允許,也幸好是這樣,不然神武士互相攻伐起來,不敢想像……而現在,光明良善之神,已經把伊娃帶給你了……」
540Please respect copyright.PENANA5TfiNv8Jo7
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我正想著:『怎麼又忽然發神經,跟我說童話故事?』
540Please respect copyright.PENANAngLQDhiXcz
540Please respect copyright.PENANAkhpKaYPmNA
伊娃先溫暖輕握一下牽著我的手,再詢問出口:「親愛丈夫似乎很喜歡這位學長?」
540Please respect copyright.PENANAFwJ1FZcfmP
540Please respect copyright.PENANA8Ac3w55pJY
我心裡立刻想:『我是對阿炮學長很有印象和好感啊……』
540Please respect copyright.PENANAqi5mJ9ygtY
540Please respect copyright.PENANA4wxgfHrjYh
阿炮學長一定是隱隱約約聽到伊娃說出他的名:「公主殿下!學弟……」
540Please respect copyright.PENANAzFM6wRjw2o
540Please respect copyright.PENANAV2AybdZ6Lw
伊娃完全沒有反應給阿炮學長,只是面向我,專注在我:「親愛丈夫,請允許伊娃和這位學長進行吻手背禮,順便讓伊娃為親愛王夫檢測這位學長吧?」
540Please respect copyright.PENANAv9mnWUEsbX
540Please respect copyright.PENANAwOZxgJ1LDc
我真心不明白野丫頭到底怎麼回事,反正這隻中東公主是想要當一下歐洲女貴族吧?我當然簡單輕鬆應答:「喔……」
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伊娃就此放開我的手,直接伸手給前方滿臉渴望的阿炮學長。
540Please respect copyright.PENANAEH0yDH8wBz
540Please respect copyright.PENANADF23SQACqc
「學長,請行禮。」
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瞬間,阿炮學長和伊娃,成為眾人和鏡頭焦點中心。
540Please respect copyright.PENANAhqOiCmZu3d
540Please respect copyright.PENANAwv3jcZbjbB
阿炮學長看著伊娃伸給自己的手,滿臉難以置信幾秒:「公主……殿下?」
540Please respect copyright.PENANAK4AqvV5dhb
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伊娃催促:「請行禮!」
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阿炮學長終於伸出手,輕輕握住伊娃的手。
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540Please respect copyright.PENANAJwMzRuptvh
阿炮學長僵著,暫時沒有任何動作,明顯正在沉醉竟然真的可以親手握住這麼美貌這麼驚人的公主的玉手,沒有後續的吻手背行動……
540Please respect copyright.PENANAugqccI3gzf
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可就是因為僵停太久,伊娃忽然大聲,以責備態度:「請莊重!」
540Please respect copyright.PENANAoQPpeyqU3k
540Please respect copyright.PENANAYLP27sqsCH
阿炮學長被罵醒:「啊!對不起!」
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540Please respect copyright.PENANAplEMY9StZv
伊娃再大聲詢問:「你對於本宮的親愛夫君,王國的王夫,喜愛信賴你的這位學弟,覺得怎樣?」
540Please respect copyright.PENANAJ6SI0F0Q73
540Please respect copyright.PENANAM7e6tHBGct
我覺得奇怪:『為什麼忽然問到我啊?』
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幾秒之後,伊娃先是呢喃般:「果然如此啊……」
540Please respect copyright.PENANAhKMW1ngw3h
540Please respect copyright.PENANA8BW5pY3OT1
伊娃忽然再大聲問:「如果本宮和親愛王夫回答你的疑問,你對於我們會有什麼好處?」
540Please respect copyright.PENANAMGZLobv2uj
540Please respect copyright.PENANAgwwrefwCjm
幾秒之後,被阿炮學長握著手的伊娃,呢喃一句:「好,先來測試一下吧……」
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我心想:『先來測試?』
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伊娃忽然非常用力的當眾甩開阿炮學長的手,並且迅速收回手,擺明不再給握手。
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公然的拒絕感十足……
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忽然被甩手拒絕的阿炮學長,滿臉意外和錯愕,向前一步逼近:「啊?公主殿下?」
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伊娃轉臉,面向輪椅左方:「沙法里!不准這個男人再接近我們!」
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啃得雞爺爺:「遵命!」
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推輪椅的護衛隊長向附近部下喊去:「快---」
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已經陪在附近的李隊長和陳阿姨搶先行動,張手攔住正在逼上前追求採訪機會的阿炮學長。
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李隊長:「這位小兄弟,來來來,我們去旁邊站著等等吧。」
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被李隊長和陳阿姨二位資深警察攔住的阿炮學長,真的滿臉錯愕:「公主殿下!怎麼回事?到底怎麼了?為什麼忽然這樣?」
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伊娃大聲:「你自己很清楚怎麼了!」
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阿炮學長好像是終於瞭解到自己真的失去寶貴的天大採訪機會了,因此也明顯大聲起來:「什麼叫做我很清楚怎麼了?」
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伊娃公開大聲回他:「本宮就是看不起你! 討厭你這樣的狡猾小人! 主動離本宮和親愛丈夫遠一點!」
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阿炮學長,被一國公主在大量新聞採訪業者眼前公開罵是看不起的狡猾小人……
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肯定要永留新聞史,持續遭受恥辱了……
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要是我,真的寧願去地之極的海邊懸崖跳下去了!
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因此,被二位資深警察攔著的阿炮學長真的整個翻臉,滿臉的那種報仇感十足, 妳傷害我,我也要傷害妳!
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大聲叫喊:「各位同業!醜聞啊!十足大醜聞啊! 我的學弟,這位高高在上的駙馬爺,來地之極這裡想要自殺,卻被警察抓進分局,然後趕緊電話連絡我!要我過來保他離開啊! 我有證據!我的電話答錄機有那間警察的來電留言!我回去一定上傳網路公開出來!這就是尊貴的王室啊!從忽然那樣對我的公主到這位學弟,心理都有問題啊!」
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啃得雞爺爺當然:「公主?」 要怎麼處理?請下令!
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我則是不安:『怎麼變成這樣? 雖然差不多就是那樣,只是我沒有自殺未遂,完全的誤會…… 卻還是會傷害到身為公主的伊娃吧……』
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國王岳父大人更是說不定真的會:「來人啊!把這頭膽敢讓我王家蒙羞的小毛頭宰了餵狗!」
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然後,伊娃大聲說:「很遺憾!先不論你對本宮青春肉體的非份無恥遐想,無知的認為親愛王夫無能懦弱又配不上本宮這樣的女人, 你真的就是這樣會趁機要脅,有利有好處才願意做的狡猾人,難怪會對學弟們示好,只為了享受被圍繞尊敬的高高在上感,然後無情拋下本宮的親愛丈夫王夫完全不救理! 如果你有通過測驗,能夠忍得下去,本宮真的一定公開道歉,還你清白,然後本宮和親愛王夫今後都只讓你一人訪問,給你獨佔隨之而來的所有名利!至少因為親愛王夫對你的真心喜歡和信賴,你真的有這個機會!真的有!問題是你真的因為自己的品性毀滅自己! 不說別的,你想要獨自獲得尊貴王家的隱私消息並且獨自公佈,卻不能忍受冤枉屈辱……」
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伊娃繼續放聲大喊:「 不能忍辱,何以負重! 你完全不配與我等尊貴王家為伍!!!!!!」
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阿炮學長只能叫喊:「妳到底是在說什麼啊!」
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伊娃喝斥:「反正,退下吧!!!!!!」
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啃得雞爺爺接著詢問:「公主殿下?關於撫馬爺的事情?」 怎麼處理?
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我的手忽然被溫柔輕握,當然是伊娃……
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看向伊娃,公開安撫不安的我:「親愛丈夫,不怕怕,不怕怕,不怕怕……」
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覺得意外闖出大禍的我,愣愣的:「伊娃……」
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伊娃面向我的溫柔美麗微笑神情,沒有一丁點的猶豫,溫和述說:「我們夫妻光明正大的站在溫暖陽光下,自己沒有任何見不得人的事情,就完全不需要害怕。 所以親愛丈夫,不怕怕,不怕怕,不怕怕……光明自然會驅散所有黑暗,保護我們。」
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我還沒有會意……
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啃得雞爺爺恭敬回答:「老臣懂了……」
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這時候,阿炮學長已經被二位資深警察和二位王國護衛一起遠遠帶走了,只能搖遠叫喊,不過已經沒有人在乎他。
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因此伊娃轉頭面向新聞記者們,光明燦爛毫無掩藏黑暗的笑容,真的讓她美麗驚人,完全可比盛開的鮮花!
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「本宮真的和親愛王夫真的還有許多事情趕著要做!許多地方要去! 因此現在十個問題! 現在十個問題! 一定光明正大回答! 請發問!」
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記者們開始燃燒騷動,並且幾乎異口同聲,大同小異……
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問題一:「伊娃公主殿下,妳為什麼看不見?」
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伊娃大聲回答:「醫師說是什麼腦出血! 並且醫師說本宮可能永遠都看不見任何光明了!」
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記者們得到伊娃的明快爽朗回答,又是開始騷動,並且議論紛紛起來,開始統合意見。
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伊娃催促:「下一個問題!第二題!」
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同樣相差不多的異口同聲,大同小異……
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問題二:「伊娃公主殿下,妳為什麼會腦出血?發生什麼事?」
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伊娃真的同樣光明正大回答,絕不隱瞞拖泥帶水的大聲公開說:
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「本宮會腦出血,好像就是因為,親愛丈夫、尊貴王夫,重重一拳把本宮打到腦出血,完全看不見啊!」
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就這樣,我忽然從心理不正常的自殺未遂者,變成凶狠家暴美麗公主老婆到全瞎的徹底變態渣男了……
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所有記者大騷動,閃光燈如同懲罰的正義拳頭,再次一下下的對我集中,瘋狂猛閃了……
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看這隻神經野丫頭的回答狠勁,後面還有八個問題,地獄拜託不要來啊啊啊啊啊啊啊------
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甚至於,我真的好像都已經聽見國王岳父憤怒叫喊:「來人啊,先把這小子的眼珠挖出來餵他自己吃,再宰了餵狗!」
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各位親愛讀者,大家地獄見了!
(下回預告:可怕的地獄問答!)
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=第20篇 不能忍辱,何以負重! 結束=
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1:歡迎『書籤』本書,『關注』作者,追蹤作者我的最新進度
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2:歡迎看看『作者動態』,動態裡面會隨時有作者的碎碎念可以看喔
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3:歡迎『按喜歡』+『留言』
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片尾曲
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