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目前進度可以一天一篇發文,持續發到059篇(01月26號),敬請繼續愛護支持!
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《來去自殺勝地找個老婆:結果我找到的是世界級誇張!》
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041 偷腥貓的彆腳謊言
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2021-12-17(本篇主要寫成時間)
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這件事我們暫時先不說『過程』,直接先說結論,今年十八歲的我,有一位差我一歲,名為『熙圓』的妹妹。
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就現在的狀況來說,我獨自住在這裡,今年十七歲的熙圓則是跟著我那對去中東窮困小國家當半個外交官赚錢的傻父母一起過去生活了……至於中間發展的曲折離奇,還是晚點再說囉。
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反正,本來人應該在中東小國家和傻父母在一起的熙圓,完全沒有通知我一聲,就忽然跑回來老家這裡,並且現在緊握尖頭菜刀,直接向著伊娃就是撲殺上去!
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「大魔女! 不要臉的偷吃野貓! 把熙圓的哥哥還給我啊啊啊啊啊啊!」
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熙圓真的撲殺上去了!真的撲殺上去了!看她的氣勢和表情,是真的打算一刀刺死伊娃!
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所以熙圓倒底是在啊什麼?退讓站到旁邊的我,絕對比她更想要啊啊啊啊啊啊!
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護衛隊長不愧已經做到隊長,反應比起其他小護衛快,熙圓一展開撲殺,隊長立刻就要上前擋到伊娃前面展開保護:「公主殿下!」
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全瞎盲的伊娃也是真的很厲害,立刻反應,問題是看起來就是故意用身體擋著隊長,動作很準確的不讓隊長越上前保護自己,選擇直接面對朝自己撲殺上來的熙圓……
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一般的護衛隊員們終於開始騷動:「公主殿下!」
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伊娃只有一句大喝:「全都冷靜退下!!!!!!」
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就是這樣,所有大小護衛和大使爺爺都留在伊娃後面,紅髮姊姊笑呵呵的站在旁邊看戲,至於真的滿臉想要殺伊娃的熙圓,順利突殺到伊娃前面了!
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這瞬間,我真是嚇到根本吃手手……
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成為熙圓刺殺目標的伊娃卻是完全沒有危機感,真的很冷靜,並且動作俐落的左手直接架開熙圓緊握在手刺殺上來的尖頭菜刀,輕鬆化解危機!
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下一秒,伊娃的右手伸直,如同長鋸刀,向著真的用尖頭菜刀刺殺自己的熙圓快速突刺上去!
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所以,熙圓的脖子被可怕割鋸了?然後開始噴血?
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熙圓表情癡呆,雙眼失神:「啊啊……我看見了,好棒的船喔……」
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幸好沒有發生那樣的可怕好船慘劇!
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雖然就我看熙圓這樣,只怕好船出航真的不遠了……(怕)
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幸好伊娃只是右手快速直伸出去,直接摟抱住熙圓,把熙圓抱進懷裡……
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伊娃喜悅的說:「妹妹!真的見到妳了!好開心!不然嫂嫂我還在想,到底還要多久才能見到遠在其他地方的妳呢?」
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被伊娃親密摟抱的熙圓,開始奮力掙扎:「放開我!妳才不是什麼嫂嫂!熙圓才沒有嫂嫂這種根本不需要的垃圾東西!妳只是一隻趁我不在家、闖進家裡偷吃的壞野貓!妳才是真正的大小偷!」
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我看這樣,內心想:奇怪,熙圓為什麼很奇怪的在伊娃懷裡扭來扭去? 我忽然想到自己幾次的經驗,因此會意:「喔……」 所以熙圓好像是被伊娃的奇怪大力氣壓制住,掙脫不開……
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伊娃美麗又溫柔的平靜詢問:「妹妹啊,妳怎麼了?這麼生氣?」
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熙圓一直扭來扭去的憤怒叫喊:「臭魔女!妳做什麼!放開我!放開我啦!」
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伊娃還是溫柔微笑:「那就先告訴嫂嫂,妳這麼生氣,是在生氣什麼?」
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熙圓幾秒的扭動掙扎,只有奮力掙扎的聲音,完全沒有說話……
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伊娃露出完全瞭解的溫柔笑容:「原來如此,妳真的很喜歡哥哥, 自己的義兄, 是吧?」
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是的,沒有錯,熙圓是我的傻父母領養的小我一歲義妹,和我絕對完全沒有血緣關係,從小一起生活在一個屋簷下,一起上學,一起玩耍,一起長大,一起生活,直到幾年前,才去中東小國家和夢想赚大錢的傻父母一起生活…… 這件事,醫院病房告知大使爺爺讓他紀錄的時候,當然也說出來了。
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現在,熙圓非常大方的當眾喊出:「不是喜歡! 是愛!絕對是愛!真愛! 我對哥哥的愛,才不是那麼膚淺的喜歡!」
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唉…… 總之,就是這樣啦,對我來說,真是家家有本難唸的經啊……
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伊娃微笑聽完熙圓的當眾大方表白,直接問去:「好,嫂嫂知道這件事了,那麼妳最心愛的哥哥也愛妳嗎?」
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熙圓被問,張大嘴,明顯就要強氣回答,不過幾秒之後,還是當場崩潰:「哥哥是大笨蛋啦!哇啊啊啊啊啊---!」
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伊娃溫柔拍背安慰:「好啦,好啦,嫂嫂瞭解,嫂嫂絕對瞭解,嫂嫂絕對能體會熙圓的痛苦……」
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熙圓在伊娃懷抱裡已經哭到一把鼻涕、一把眼淚:「妳如果真的能體會我的痛苦,就還給我啊!把哥哥還給我!不要趁我不在家偷吃,偷偷把哥哥騙走!還給我啦!」
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伊娃繼續溫柔拍背安慰:「可是嫂嫂根本沒有偷走熙圓最心愛的哥哥,是妳的哥哥自願跟嫂嫂在一起啊?」
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熙圓怒吼到鼻水和口類幾乎都出來了:「說謊!!!!!!別想說謊騙我!我絕對不會相信!」
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熙圓再怒吼:「妳還真敢在電視上跟大家說謊什麼哥哥強暴妳、逼姦你! 妳騙的到別人,絕對騙不到我啦!!!!!! 不要臉的魔女!偷吃的髒野貓!一定是妳騙走哥哥,不然就是妳更不要臉的主動逼姦哥哥,讓有責任感的善良哥哥娶妳負責啦!」
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安靜站旁邊看戲的紅髮姊姊瞬間噴笑:「噗!」
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伊娃溫和冷靜詢問:「妳為什麼這麼肯定這件事呢?」
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熙圓再次非常大方:「因為我和哥哥一直住在一起,還輪的到妳這隻外來的壞野貓誘騙逼姦哥哥?那一天晚上,我就已經下定決心要主動獻身給最愛的哥哥,脫光衣服,潛進哥哥的房間和床上抱著哥哥要夜襲哥哥了!」
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熙圓又是崩潰暴哭:「那一晚,哥哥都不敢要完全脫光衣服直接公開表示要獻身的熙圓了!怎麼可能會敢強暴逼姦妳這個不要臉的大魔女啦!哇啊啊啊啊------!」
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「所以如果妳這個大魔女真的還有良心,還給我!真的還給我!把我最愛的哥哥還給我!不要騙走啦!哇啊啊啊啊啊啊!」
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伊娃一邊溫柔拍背安慰,一邊轉頭面向我:「親愛丈夫?」 明顯問我事情情況?
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熙圓邊哭邊罵:「妳不要一直亂叫!是熙圓的親愛丈夫!是熙圓的!才不是妳的啦!哇啊啊啊啊啊啊!」
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我終究只能無奈說出:「是三年前,國中三年級那一年發生的事情,我才會想說,不是熙圓離開,就是我離開,去跟父母一起生活了……」
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熙圓又是痛哭起來:「我知道哥哥很容易擔心害怕,要是去到陌生國家和地方,一定會常常擔心害怕,所以我才會決定由我離開,讓哥哥安心的繼續留在熟悉的這裡,卻沒有想到,哥哥竟然會被妳這隻壞野貓趁機強暴逼姦騙走啦!才會看到電視消息,立刻搭飛機趕回來保護哥哥!哇啊啊啊啊!」
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伊娃繼續拍背安慰熙圓,再問我:「所以爸爸媽媽知道這件事?」
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我直接回答:「這麼嚇人的情況,他們當然會知道啊!」
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我再大聲說:「結果他們竟然說---熙圓也的確是我們一手養大,和妳一起長大的家裡女孩,反正你們又不是真正的親兄妹,既然熙圓真的有那個意思,就都看你的決定了?」
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伊娃:「所以爸爸媽媽的態度是祝福你們……」
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我直接雙關語開噴:「祝福你妹啊!!!!!!」
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熙圓再次暴哭:「哥哥是大笨蛋啊啊啊啊啊啊!」
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伊娃繼續溫柔安慰緊抱不放的熙圓:「原來如此,那麼心愛又愛護的哥哥,加上都已經得到爸爸媽媽的同意和祝福了,卻又變成這樣,妳一定很心痛,很不甘心吧……」
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熙圓又是哭到鼻涕眼淚:「還給我!還給我!把哥哥還給我啦!熙圓一定會感謝妳!會永遠感謝妳!」
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伊娃溫柔回答:「如果是正常情況,嫂嫂離開,把熙圓最心愛的哥哥留給妳,絕對沒有問題,問題是,嫂嫂真的沒有用騙的把妳的哥哥騙走,因為雖然過程真的有過幾次風波,最後親愛丈夫真的還是自願選擇和嫂嫂在一起喔……」
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熙圓哭喊:「不可能!絕對不可能!」
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伊娃和氣詢問:「為什麼妳的哥哥不可能選擇伊娃我做為熙圓的嫂嫂?」
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熙圓轉而直接問我:「哥哥!一定是假的吧?是這個壞魔女說謊,想要拆散我們吧!」
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我只好回答熙圓:「是真的……」 雖然選擇長相、肉體、大奶奶和陰道的因素居多……
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熙圓大聲:「我不相信!哥哥一定是被控制了!被她這個有夠不要臉,一直想要拆散我們的大魔女給控制了!才會說出這樣的謊話!」
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伊娃:「喔?熙圓是在說嫂嫂控制親愛丈夫對妹妹說謊?」
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熙圓的暴怒聲音,近乎刺耳尖叫:「不准妳再說自己是嫂嫂和親愛丈夫!因為妳絕對不是,也不夠資格!」
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伊娃微笑:「好啦,好啦,所以我到底是怎麼控制妳最心愛的哥哥?」
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熙圓看起來很用力的掙扎扭動幾下身體:「如果妳不是會控制人的魔女,我的身體怎麼會一直被妳抓著不能動?」
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伊娃回答:「因為嫂嫂一直有在嚴格鍛鍊身體並且學習武道,當然會比從來沒有認真鍛鍊身體學習武道的熙圓還要有力氣並且知道壓制人的技巧啊。」
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熙圓:「我才不相信!!!!!!」
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伊娃:「那麼嫂嫂要怎麼做,才能夠讓熙圓相信嫂嫂真的不是可以控制親愛丈夫和熙圓的什麼可怕魔女?」
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近三秒的安靜沉默,伊娃主動說出:「這樣吧,嫂嫂如果真的放開熙圓,妳會願意和嫂嫂一對一決鬥嗎?」
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我訝異:『決鬥?』
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看起來熙圓也是跟我一樣訝異:「決鬥?」
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伊娃繼續說:「這麼聰明的熙圓,如果和嫂嫂實際進行一次決鬥,一定就會知道嫂嫂只是依靠力氣和武道技巧壓制熙圓,絕對不是什麼會控制人的可怕魔女了,然後知道妳的心愛哥哥說的是自願的實話,親愛丈夫是自願選擇和嫂嫂在一起……」
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熙圓憤怒大聲應戰:「好啦!我就親手把妳這張嘴給割開毀掉!應該就不會再一直聽妳什麼嫂嫂、親愛丈夫的胡說八道不停了!」
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於是,我擔心的呼喚:「伊娃……?」 因為我真的已經感覺到,這樣的決鬥最後一定會是看來的確有在鍛鍊身體和學習武道的伊娃勝利,所以比起擔心伊娃這隻神經野丫頭,我其實更擔心熙圓這隻瘋狂野丫頭……
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沒有錯啊,熙圓很瘋狂,真的很瘋狂,光是看她三年前竟然真的脫光衣服潛入我的房間展開夜襲,就可以知道熙圓的確是那種會為愛瘋狂的類型了……
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神經行為一堆的神經伊娃。
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再搭上根本可說是為愛瘋狂的熙圓。
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神經對瘋狂,我真的很有感覺,非常的有感覺,看來今後我的生活不會好過了……
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果然,安靜看戲不說話至今的紅髮姊姊,開口了:「抱歉,打擾一下,我可以不去王國接受招待,讓我留下來嗎?看這樣,這裡一定會越來越精彩,所以讓我一直留下來看戲好不好?」
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=第41篇 偷腥貓的彆腳謊言 結束=
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1:歡迎『書籤』本書,『關注』作者,追蹤作者我的最新進度
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2:歡迎看看『作者動態』,動態裡面會隨時有作者的碎碎念可以看喔
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3:歡迎『按喜歡』+『留言』
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片尾曲
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