"Sorry for interrupting your work. I promise this won't take too long."
Sin glanced at the window in his chambers and finally noticed that the sun had gone down quite a bit. He reluctantly stepped aside, allowing Nikiro entrance. "Good. I don't want Kashino barging in here again to nag at me for hanging around you needlessly."
Perhaps it was stress or maybe even the lack of sleep, but what was supposed to be a lighthearted joke turned out to be otherwise as he couldn't quite manage to bite back the bitterness in his tone. He immediately regretted it and averted his gaze.
"Kashino is with my mom and dad. They're still helping Kairo get used to the place."
Sin hummed in response. "He's five right? I suppose that make sense why he'd be having a little trouble adjusting. He's been back in Aruma An all this time after all."
Nikiro was calm as usual, though he seemed a bit down. Sin could tell before he even opened the door that something was eating at him. He supposed six years of being apart and much conditioning to try and forget him, still wasn't enough to bury all the little memories of each other's little habits and mannerisms.
"So...everything all right?"
Nikiro calmly turned around to face Sin, watching as he closed the door and walked back over to lean on his desk. The curtains that hung from the archway in his chambers teased a sense of nostalgia out of him, though it wasn't exactly pleasant since the last time he was in here, they had fought. "Actually...I came over to ask you exactly that. I know things are not exactly sunshine and rainbows as of late. I just wanted to make sure you were okay...like...mentally."
Sin sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, I'm fine."
Nikiro's eyes shifted from Sin's to the music box behind him. Sin followed his gaze, frowning when he realized that Nikiro had caught him red handed.
"Fine. I'm not okay. Happy? I'm just a little tired, I'll be fine."
Nikiro pointed out the bags under Sin's eyes with a sigh. "I can see that. How much sleep have you gotten recently?"
"A solid six minutes...not consecutively but it's okay. You're not even that blurry."
Nikiro couldn't help but laugh at Sin's retort. "Listen, I really came to talk about...us..."
"What about us?"
"I just...I know we weren't exactly on the best of terms when I left and I feel like we've really drifted apart. I just don't want things to be awkward between us."
Sin was silent for a moment. "...things aren't awkward...you're just imagining it. If that's all you have to say then please leave. I'm a busy man, got lots of work to do."
Nikiro's brows knitted and he stepped back, crossing his arms as mild irritation began to bubble in his chest. "Is that so? Tell me what you're busy with then. Perhaps I can help. Or do you want to keep pushing me away until I finally give up on our friendship? I guarantee it'll just be another regret to add to the list and by then it'll be too late to fix it."
Sin was slightly taken back by Nikiro's outburst. Nikiro was never one to raise his voice unnecessarily and when he did, it was certainly never with malicious or spiteful intent. The look in his eyes made it quite clear that he wasn't there to listen to lies or be brushed aside. Sin hadn't even realized that his forced smile had long since faded into a grimace.
"The hell do you want me to say?" Sin really did want to mend their friendship. Whatever childish feelings were involved before wasn't worth losing a friend over. He really did want to fix things, but he was so awful at repairs and by proxy grew fearful of any attempt to try it.
Nikiro shut his eyes tight and collected himself. "I just...want us to be honest with each other. I want you to be honest with me. You can't tell me that you don't see the obvious rift between us. We both know when this started. I knew you needed time after what happened when Illya took everyone on vacation and I was willing to give you the space you needed, but things are different now. We're both adults now and we should be able to talk about this in a mature way."
Sin shook his head, his voice falling into an exasperated whisper. "Don't flatter yourself lover boy. You want to talk about this, fine. I may have been upset at the time, but you're right. Things are different now. We were confused. The distance between you and Kashino made you lonely and I had never had someone as kind and genuine as you in my life before so I fell hard..." Sin folded his arms and began whispering under his breath. "...doesn't help when you look like a bloody sex god..."
Nikiro was partly grateful that he caught Sin's whisper as it cut through the rising tension in the room, shattering the heavy atmosphere. However, he was also partly aware of the fact that Sin suddenly allowing himself to open up like this was going to bring some heavy feelings to the surface, feelings he came prepared to face, but were slightly intimidated by idea of Sin suddenly unleashing everything he kept hidden within him. He remained silent, allowing Sin to continue speaking.
"My point is, the both of us found solace in each other and although I can't speak for you, I seemed to have mistaken it for love. It's been six years since then and I've come to realize that I don't have the pleasure to indulge in a trivial thing such as love. My work has become far more important." Fatigue and disappointment sunk heavy into his tone.
Sin's words stung a bit and Nikiro was unable to mask it when he spoke. "Don't say love is something trivial."
Sin laughed bitterly. "Oh but it is. It weakens people. It leaves room for snakes to slither right in and sink their venomous fangs into your heart, draining it of all its ability to beat again for another. I can't allow myself to make such a silly mistake again."
"Sin-"
"I was crazy in love Nikiro. I would have dropped everything, abandoned everything if it meant I could be with you, but after that night, I started thinking about some things. Things I'm sure has crossed your mind as well. Of course morality came into the equation since Kashino exists and can't just be ignored, but then came the issue of mortality. I'm definitely going to outlive you. You're a human after all. The more I thought about it, the more I wanted to curse myself for my childish behavior and selfish desire. Was a momentary tryst worth the many years of suffering I'd have to go through in watching the love of my life die? Was that moment of happiness worth destroying a perfectly good friendship? No. It wasn't. You have a family now, one you can grow old and die with. That only tells me that my reasoning is correct. I wasn't going to pursue you further, knowing that it wouldn't have ended well for anyone involved. You're too good of a person to deserve that. I wanted you to grow and be happy with someone who deserved you far more than I did. That's why I allowed myself that one kiss goodbye. When you left, I made sure I wouldn't allow myself to feel such weakness again. I threw myself into my work and I have found it to be far more rewarding than whatever it is I was trying to pursue in the past."
When Sin paused, Nikiro stood silently for a moment absorbing Sin's words before speaking. "...You're right. I have thought about it, but I don't think we were entirely on the same page when it came to reasoning. You are without a doubt my best friend and you have been since the moment I stepped foot in Solaria, not knowing what to expect, or why my life had suddenly been uprooted. You were there beside me through it all. I may not have been able to love you romantically, but I think I can say that what I feel for you at this point goes beyond that. I truly care for you. I want to be there for you like you were for me. I want to watch you grow and be happy, just like you do for me and that doesn't make either one of us weak. Just think about it for a second. You had the strength to let go of your own selfish desires for the sake of someone else simply because you cared for them! That isn't weakness Sin! Overworking yourself because you're scared of facing your feelings is what I'd called weakness! What kind of cowardice is that?"
Sin scoffed turning to the music box and swiftly walking over to the bookshelf to shove it back into its corner. "That isn't...you don't understand."
"Then make me understand!"
Sin whipped around to face Nikiro, cracks beginning to form in his supposedly stone walled facade. "I CAN'T NIKIRO! I can't make you understand! You shouldn't have to understand this kind of pressure. The kind that traps you in a labyrinth of anxiety you know you'll never escape. I'm twenty seven, I'm not a child anymore nor am I some naive young man. I have responsibilities as the eldest son, I have responsibilities as the first prince, I don't get to make mistakes anymore. Mom is going to war with Sindaria. It's war, Nikiro. Not some tit for tat battle on far away islands. My brothers are severely injured, my sister has a family of her own to take care of and the two youngest of us are completely out of the equation as one is too young to even walk down the street by herself and the other is still trying to find himself. Who do you think the torch falls to at a time like this? It's something anyone could have seen coming. For the past six years tensions have been rising between Solaria and Sindaria, especially after their little stunt with Hecate.
At some point I had to choose which was more important, my carefree days causing mischief or the well being of my family and my people. I can't afford to be distracted by things like romance and love, whatever kind of love it may be. I have a duty to carry out and for the past six years I've been going around pretending that everything is fine, that I have everything under control...but we both know that I'm losing my grip or maybe I've already lost it...but I can't let anyone know that. I can't be honest about myself with anyone. Not my family, not my people...even you. We dragons are prideful folk you see..."
"And stubborn to the core too it would seem."
A sharp silence filled the air as Sin raised his head to look at Nikiro, finding himself unable to hold back the tiniest bit of laughter at Nikiro's response.
Nikiro smiled upon hearing Sin laugh so genuinely for the first time in what felt like forever. "I find it strange I should have to say this out loud, but the Sin I know has never been anything but strong. The way I see it, you're putting on this façade of a man whose strength comes from a pair of fangs. You know as well as I do that your true strength comes from your compassion and devotion to your family...and your people...from things beyond yourself. That's worth more than some fangs and scales."
Silence fell over them. Sin didn't quite know how to respond. He'd be lying if he said his heart wasn't doing back flips in his chest as he listened to Nikiro speak, but it wasn't out of romantic affection and he could clearly tell that. There was something more, something deeper. After all, no matter what, they had always been friends, even if they had drifted apart over the years, that much never changed.
"I think, what I'm trying to say is that I want us to be friends again. I know things can't exactly go back to the way they used to be, but I'd like it if things we could stop being so awkward and avoidant around each other at least. Despite everything that's gone down between us, I still see you as one of my closest friends and I want us to support and look out for each other the way we used to."
Sin tilted his head back, shutting his eyes and sighing as if a heavy cloud around his heart finally began to clear. It was a slow, almost unnoticeable clearing that would no doubt take time, but the relief that flooded through his body elicited a strange reaction to say the least. He began laughing. It started off as a low chuckle, but quickly escalated into uncontrollable laughter. Nikiro's brows furrowed in confusion and slight concern. Sin felt his eyelids become heavy and a wave of exhaustion crashed into him. His knees give way and he finally collapsed. When he did, Nikiro was right there to pull him back up.
"Sorry...looks like I've finally reached my limit."
Nikiro sighed, helping Sin over to his bed and letting him lay down.
"Thanks."
"Get some rest. You'll have to get up early tomorrow for Ea's...announcement."
After making sure that Sin was okay, Nikiro turned to leave, only to be stopped by a very weak tug on his pinky finger. He turned to see Sin's exhausted figure reaching out to him, just barely able to keep his arm extended.
"We'll talk again tomorrow..." Sin's hand dropped back onto the bed, his eyes shut and his breathing slowed as he drifted off into a deep sleep.
Nikiro couldn't help the smile that worked its way onto his face. "Yeah. See you tomorrow."
ns 15.158.61.42da2
