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Darkness. Absolute, abject darkness. As far as the eye can see, all that is around me is darkness. Where am I? Am I already dead? What ought I to do?
I begin to stroll towards oblivion after restraining all of my foolish ideas and gaining control of myself. It won't help me right now to be a dullard with all these nitwit ideas, so why not go for a stroll instead? Now that my paranoia is taking over, who am I attempting to convince?
I pick up the speed. No, I'm sprinting like crazy because I feel like someone is coming up behind me. I trip over something and land on the ground—or should I say the sheet of darkness?
“Fuck.”
What I next see makes me feel completely numb as I glance about. I'm seated amidst a group of dead people. They appear to have lost all of their blood since they are white and pallid. My cheeks begin to flush with frightened tears as I cry. I begin to go backwards as that acute horror screams at me. I just want to be at home, I want to leave whatever this place is. I am dragging myself back, when something grabs my shoulder.
'Own your truth' something whispers in my ear. Shivers run down my spine. I kick and scream as my heart pound in my chest like it will burst into pieces any minute now. I am trying to pull away from whatever or whoever is gripping me tight but all in vain.
'OWN YOUR TRUTH, IT'S TIME.' they yell.
What on loving hell does that mean?
And suddenly it all comes at once—the anger, the fear, the pain, the agony. I close my eyes and throw my elbow back in the direction of the figure holding me down. I turn back and grab it by the throat and squeeze it as hard as I can. All I can see are red, blazing eyes looking down at me. Where is this wrath coming from? How did I become so violent?
“Fucking hell Sia! You're hurting me. Let go” someone croaks.
I grip it more tightly and smash it hard on the floor.
“What the fuck is wrong with you!!! Let me go, you ass.” someone yells.
My eyes snap open and I see Natasha beside me and my hands gripping her by the throat.
“Fuck! I'm so sorry. I didn't know I was—fuck---are you ok?” I say with panic in my voice.
“It’s ok. I am fine. Let me just breathe.” She says rubbing her neck.
I groan in frustration. I recline on the bed and close my eyes while concentrating on the blackness.
Silence.
“The same nightmare?” Nat asks, clearing her throat after a while.
“Worst.”
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I am not in the mood to talk about the fucking unpleasant dream I just had, and considering how I am responding to my environment while experiencing these nightmares, it is really becoming worse. These nightmares are getting the best of me now. It was better before. That is, until.....that happened.
Unpleasant memories. Broken hearts. Time never heals the wounds, does it? It might push the pain somewhere deep in your heart. It might cover wounds with all the dust and dirt of other people walking in and out of your heart but it never heals and we, rational fools, believe that we have finally healed. It just takes one simple reminder to open up the wound fresh. So what we did all those times which we were considering as our healing time? Kind of tricky and annoying, isn't it? But we all know it is the truth.
“Are you hitting the gym more?” Nat asks, touching her neck.
Fucking hell. She has marks of my fingers all over her neck.
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“Oh fuck! No I am not. How did this---what have I---Let me see.” Panic starts crawling back in my skin.
Nat grabs my hand and squeezes them lightly.
“Relax. They will vanish before you know and it doesn't hurt much. But just so you know, I know I am too hot to resist but don't choke me next time. You're not my type.” she says with a grin.
What a self absorbed ass. But those marks look bad and I know she is saying it just to make me feel not guilty. Well, it is too late. What if Mom sees the marks? Her friends? Was I choking her really that bad? Was it still hurting? It is normal for us to give each other bruises since we are siblings and we keep fighting but these marks look serious.
“Oh my God. It's fine. It doesn't hurt. Promise.” she says once she notices the wheels turning in my head.
“The nightmares, they're fucking me up. What if I hadn't woken up? It could get worse.” I say exasperatedly, stomping towards the bathroom.
“Oh lighten up! You are walking graduation today! Aren't you happy?” Nat says excitedly, following me.
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I freeze. Fuck. How can I forget? I am finishing college today. I'll be graduating. Not that I'm very enthused about it. It makes me sad. While all of my friends would be scattering to various locations around the globe to pursue their aspirations, and here I am; a lost cause. I've been writing quite a bit. I feel more alive when I write. I cherished attending college; reading literary works. Everything was good. Now it'll be over. Funny how time really flies. There once was a time when I was having a heart attack for choosing the right college and here I am today leaving it behind because I am done.
“That wasn't the reaction I was expecting.” Nat says jerking me out of my thoughts.
“Well, thanks for the reminder.” I close the door of the bathroom. Finally some peace.
“You forgot?” She teases me from my room. Nope. No peace.
“No. What would I?” I say dryly as I continue to brush my teeth.
It is going to be fun? Disaster? I really have no fucking clue how those three are going to react today. The fact that we will all finally be doing what we want makes me joyful, but it pains a little to know that I won't be able to see those drab faces when I get to college in the morning. That now there will be nothing to rant about. No pranks. Oh my goodness, I sound like a dim-witted 16-year-old. For fuck's sake, you're turning 23. At the very least, act like an adult.
“Well, hurry up then! Steve will be here any minute you lazy ass.” she says, sounding far away.
Only if I wasn't exploring that dark place in my dream I should have woken up early but nooooo my immature ass has a habit of getting in trouble.
Dropping things. Stumbling. Hitting my elbow, twice. Stubbing my toe for the fifth time I finally got ready by the time Steve arrived. Well, he isn’t a big fan of late asses and I am not going to argue with him first thing as we meet. Well, it is also a special day after all, isn’t it? Nat and I rush downstairs. I bump into her as she stops mid stairs.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I hiss at her peeking over her shoulder.
Mom. Fuck. When Mom notices the wounds on Nat's neck, her eyes widen. How could Nat be so fucking dumb? She ought to have opted for a high neck. Dumbass.
“What happened Natasha? What is that mark and Sia—” she stops as she sees me behind Nat.
My face is covered in guilt as I turn around. My visage alone can identify me as the culprit. I look at my mom before returning to Nat's neck. Why is her hair so short?
“I'll explain. Let's get down.” I say softly and walk down and surprisingly Mom follows me.
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Knowing my mom, she could have immediately started a war on the stairs. Why is she acting in such an odd manner today?
“Nightmare?” she asks with a horrific look on her face.
How did she---Was I doing this on a regular basis? I nod.
“Worst this time and I didn't know I was cho-- attacking Nat until I woke up.” I say clearing my throat.
Well, language is never an issue in my house but I try my best to restrain my tongue albeit that never happens. My tongue always disobeys me.
“How do you know by the way? Are my actions regular?” I ask arching my eyebrow leaning on the kitchen counter.
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Mom's face is screaming danger. I have never seen her horrified in her life. Not even when I shut everybody down. Nat seems equally perplexed. Dad joins us in the kitchen with Steve behind him.
He starts to say, “Hey, what you gals are—” but stops himself as his gaze falls on Nat. The issue is that Nat's hair is simply too short to conceal those markings.
Another explanation.
God! How many times am I going to have to repeat this incident today? He glances at Nat before returning to me. Mom nods in response to his gaze.
What on fucking earth is going on here?
Steve looks taken aback once he sees Nat.
“I should probably wait outside.” He says, pointing his thumb over his shoulder.
Is it really so evident that I injured Nat? Probably.
Mom is forced into a corner by Dad, and the two of them begin whispering something that will take me a lifetime to decipher. It is starting to irritate me.
“Will you two please halt your whispering already? It is fucking hurting my head.” I actually shout at them.
They both look stunned and so am I. What the fuck is wrong with me today? How come whispers are hurting my head? I'd never talked to my parents like that. I immediately start to apologize as shock floods over my face as I am reaching for Mom to give her a hug. She unexpectedly avoids my hug and opts to grasp my hand instead. Today is really special.
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“It's ok honey. I think you are just nervous about your graduation and separation with your friends.” she said, squeezing my hand softly.
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She looks down at my black bracelet, studying it carefully. Well, I have had this bracelet since forever. It is a bit creepy but it is beautiful in its own way. It has two black rhombus shaped diamonds in the center. One at the bottom and the other on top of it. Those diamonds are enclosed by a thick border with ruby red diamonds in it. It has a crescent moon hanging from the border going down my hand a bit. It has four branches, two at each side snaking my wrist with a chain protecting it all. Mom never lets me take it off. Not even while showering and funny that it always looks as new as the first day. Mom is twisting and turning my wrist eyeing the bracelet.
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“Mom could you please stop acting weird and let me go? I am getting late. Also aren't you going to come to my graduation?” I ask her and she drops my hand.
Her body becomes tense as if I caught her doing something wrong. Dad tugs Mom beside him and smiles at me.
“We'll be there before you know sweetheart. Now Steve is waiting outside. Hurry up.” he says casually.
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I narrow my eyes while eyeing both of them. Something is definitely up. They are acting super weird today. They are not even forcing me to have breakfast today. Super fucking weird.
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“Oh c'mon. Don't make him wait. Now off you go.” he starts pushing me out of the kitchen.
“Ok fine. Geez. Don't be late.” I say dryly slipping in my boots.
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I open the door and---there he is. Leaning on his car, looking as hot as ever. My fucking best friend. He is staring at me with his beautiful blue eyes, and I can't help but think how cute he seems right now. I tell myself that every day, but today I'll give him additional credit. How very beautiful his smile is!
I often completely forget that there are individuals taller than me until I meet Steve. Since I am endowed with a decent height, I assumed that no one could possibly be taller than me, yet here he is, towering and in front of me. On this sunny day, his dark brown hair is gleaming strangely, and those muscles under his black shirt are definitely something.
“Hi stud.” I say with a smirk pulling him into a hug. Do I love him? Yes. Do I want things to go further? No. He is my best friend who happens to be hot. Nope, smoking hot. Things are great between us and I don’t want to ruin it plus I have had my fair share of heartbreaks so I'll pass. I am still trying to recover from what happened two years back. What I did--what---it's pointless.
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“Hey.” He replies by squeezing me hard. Steve will be Steve.
“I cannot fucking brea---Steve---” He squeezes me so hard and when I start to gasp he lets go of me. What an asshole. I take my words back.
“You are such a----” he cuts me off by covering my mouth with his one hand and pulling me closer by the waist with the other.
“Oh yeah I know. I am such a hottie. Now, what happened there? Care to explain?”
And there it is. Someone end me now. Being a dullard person, who I am, I started speaking with his hand on my mouth which he, obviously, couldn't understand. We get in the car and I explain everything to him through the ride. I don’t hide anything from him. We have been together since we were kids. He always had my back and I can never thank him enough for it; for always being there when I needed someone, for pulling me out of the darkness. Albeit I haven't healed but I am not still standing thinking there's blood on my hands. I am undoing my seatbelt and he grabs my hands gently.
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“Are you ok? And don't you dare feed me I'M FINE bullshit just because you don’t want me to worry.” he asks searching for my eyes.
I just stare at him blankly thinking for an answer to his question but I don’t know answer to that. I pull my hands back and hop out of the car.
“Sia!” someone calls from behind. Big doodie smile, blonde long silky hair falling to her waist, rosy pink skin wearing a dress, kissing each curve of her body perfectly. Slim hands with gorgeously done nails waving at me. Chloe. God! This girl is actually a savior; always showing up at times.
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People are gathering in the field and the hall is flooding with students, teachers. Some parents have already arrived. Everyone is looking appealing in the maroon robe. Well, except for us. Both I and Steve start pushing through the crowd.
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“Hey girly!” She squeals, pulling me into a tight hug. Oh yeah, she is excited.
“This day is just getting better and hotter.” A male voice speaks.
Obviously she has to be with Chase, her true fucking love. She has had a big crush on him for years now but I don't know why on fucking hell she never says anything to him.
“Actually no it just got worse because I saw you.” I say drily pulling away from Chloe, eyeing Chase who is standing beside her.
“Ouch. That hurt. Do you not love me at all?” he says, keeping his one hand over his chest dramatically.
What a drama queen. All the unique pieces in the world had to be my friends? Just what I needed.
“Oh shut up and come here.” I pull him into a hug.
Oh God! I'm going to miss this so much. Chase has a way of lightening the mood without even putting in a lot of effort. My silly smile never disappears for even a second when I am with him. Well, when I am with these three idiots. I fucking hate to admit but it is a good distraction; all of them. If they hadn't been around I probably wouldn't have survived the trauma. I know I am running from reality with distractions but as long as I can do that I will. I have kept myself from breaking down and crying for a year now and I don't want to go back to that phase.
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“Who's up for an after party?” Chloe asks, jumping up and down with excitement.
“Ugh! Not a party. You know I hate crowds.” I reply throwing my hands in the air exasperatedly.
I do hate parties. The crowd, the loud music, everything makes me freak out. I feel like running up the hill.
“Oh c'mon! lighten up for once Sia. It's our fucking graduation. God knows when we will get a chance to be together again or party for that matter.” Chase says walking up to me and tugging me to his side.
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Well he is not wrong. Who knows who is going where and when we will meet again?
“Fuck. Let's do it then.” I say forcing a smile. Given my history with drinks it is going to be a disaster.
“Why is your face like you're at a funeral?” Chloe asks drily, eyeing Steve.
Because I didn't answer him. That's why.
“It's called 'none of your business'. Ever heard of it?” he says icily.
“What is fucking wrong with you Steve?” I whip him in my direction.
“Your face.” he says making a face like he is about to puke.
Ouch. Rude.
Chase laughs but covers it with a cough. The audacity.
“Oh haha! You're so funny.” I say deadpan.
“Well I'm fucking fine. Let's get over this so we can get some booze. Shall we?” He says, motioning for me to walk first.
ns 15.158.61.8da2
