There have been so many words in my head lately that I don't know what to do with them. I often intend to let them be published but then it feels like defeat to me. Once I had told a classmate about what had been going in my head space and she told me ' Is it not so pretentious to tell , oh I have been through this.' To this day I can't figure out why she said that but ya, it feels wrong to do this. But I do have to give those people the whole truth.
Every thing is a blur...(likely gonna be sadistic , leave while you have the chance)... to the point I cannot differentiate today from yesterday , or from the tomorrow. The days blend into nights and it seems I have so much time to let it be wasted like a cheap wine.
Some days before, I got this opportunity to work with some amazing people. I did not take it after thinking for a long - long time. I did not know how to answer , so I told them the truth. That my Dad thought I should not do it. But that was like a part of the truth , he thought I should not do it cause of the issues with my dog , that had been going on at the time. You see, he ( dog- Momo) was a malnourished baby when my Dad had rescued him. And it was only expected of him to completely lose his eye sight , which happened on the afternoon of the second day of vacations. I don't wanna go into detail .... but after a few weeks we found out that we won't actually be capable of caring for him. As much as I tried to lie into keeping him , I could not bear the sight of him being in this situation and the way I could not do anything to help him. So we ended up hunting for adoptions and communities with professionals who could care for him.
Today he was taken by the kind lady ,who was a professional and did a lot of social work for dogs. I just don't know what to feel at this point. It was the day before Eid when I took Momo to the place and today the lady came in to take him . I miss my baby. But I try to ignore the thought of him cause I know he is taken care of and happy now. Its okay.137Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuLD6vTxzGZ
It as well seems that I find no work to do. Yes I do help out with chores but now I don't feel like doing it. I don't feel like painting or singing or writing. And I slept for like a whole day ( a day before yesterday) due to fever. I think its my guides way of saying ' you need to rest'. I still feel sick, like throwing up after eating something. I did make some spaghetti and watched ' The princess diaries ' the whole afternoon , today. But now its midnight and I don't wanna eat anything and I feel like throwing up. I hate fevers ;(
And the cherry on the cake is the fact that I can't work. Like learning something new or doing something. Working does make me feel like me. And lately I don't feel me. I am irritated and angry and frustrated. What the hell am I supposed to do? I don't even feel like traveling. I just wanna do something cause or else I MIGHT GO MAD. Even my friends are out of town. And one of them is having her birthday next month , she won't be home till then. So I can't throw her a party and call it a reunion or farewell or something. Like what am I supposed to do?
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