Jealousy, Jealousy, jealousy. I have no idea if my last sentence is a real sentence. To announce to my readers out there I've been in a relationship thats been going on for almost four years. I've never have ever experienced jealousy the way I have these past 4 months. From thinking every piece of shit in the dollar general convenient store is looking at my girlfriend like a piece of meat to hearing a voice in my head telling me that she's seeing someone behind my back. I know it's stupid, but what Im asking my self is why am I now just feeling like this? Should I have felt like this a long time ago? Am I the only person that has or is experiencing this? See after 5 minutes of feeling like this it comes to my head that it has been almost four years and I have given her no reason to look for something that I'm not giving her somewhere else. Or could it be that not giving her a reason makes her want or crave a side of me that i simply dont give her. I'm not a cheater, I'm not a flirter and I don't look at other women. I hardly go out, not to mention I have no friends so am I doing something wrong? I live 45 min away from her house and she works and goes to school, I on the other side was working about 4 months ago and college is nothing but a mear haze at the end of my tunnel vision which is focused right at her. 

When we talk about what's bothering me after about a week of not seeing her I act as if she's done something, (unintentionally) as if she's hiding something, as if she's keeping something from me. Me thinking like this isn't healthy and if I keep thinking and feeling like this is going to push a glass of the counter that's been on the edge. What if it's a sixth sense I was lucky enough to receive, out of those millions of people out there I was lucky enough to revive this power. Yeah NO. What can I do how do I get over this? I feel I need to keep myself busy, keep my head and hands doing something specially when she at school and or work. We hardly talk now, at work she cant respond my texts or calls, at school she calls me when she gets out and when she's home she's to busy to answer my text messages because she's got homework. Not that these aren't valid excuses but if you where in my shoe's what would you think?

So what do I do? I feel that if I keep talking to her about it its just going to push her away even more. So I will keep it to my self. I rather hurt only myself then drag both of us down. I guess writing is going to be on my agenda more often now.