On my cell wall, painted in blood, there was a heart. Maybe this heart was big enough to hide in. Maybe this heart was not against me. I stared for a while, at the wall, canyons in my skin, the rivers that made them flowing from my eyes. I saw the knife placed in the corner for me. I looked at my captors through the camera and shook my head.
"Not today, I can't do it." I whispered, my voice hoarse from screaming for help and such.
But I knew I was lying. I couldn't help it. within seconds, the knife was in my hands, my fingers caressing it like the most precious item in the world. I ran my finger over the sharp blade, blood dripping onto the left side. I smiled, my body ready to give in to its mutilation.
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Then everything stopped. Everything went silent and eerie. I put down the knife, a wave of guilt hitting me. I began to hit, punch, and kick the concrete walls. my hair was a mess, I looked insane. I was insane. I turned my attention to the floor of the empty room and decided on a nap.
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I woke up much sadder than I anticipated. I began to cry the moment my eyes opened. I scratched at my skin, eventually shedding the layers off at the fault of my nails. it bled a lot, but it was nothing compared to my plans. I grabbed the knife again and convinced myself of readiness.
I got the knife under my skin and began to cut the skin enough for a slit down my torso. I gazed at the blood for a while, then began to dig my fingers under the skin, slowly ripping it off.
I felt the exposure as the air hit what was meant to remain on the inside. I felt my body separating. I felt the skin tearing scar tissue. I felt my eyes water at the pain.
I slowly eased the skin off of my chest, stretching it out painfully. I cut more flaps for easier tearing. One by one, each rectangle of flesh was ripped away by my own hands. I continued to pull and dissect myself.
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by the time I died, I had cut down in to my being so much that I wouldn't survive it even if I tried, even if I would have made it out and to a hospital. My body lay in the middle of the cell, organs torn out, hands bloodied, and eyes bloodshot.
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